"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."

Quick, lunch break post.

Yes, I said lunch break. Yes, that means I'm still temping.

And I've just been asked to stay on for two more full weeks, starting with today. So hey, I guess I'm employed for Passover and Easter (if that's confusing to you, don't worry about it. You obviously need to get to know me a little better) and leading up to the weekend before Tax Day. Sweet. I can splurge on chocolate rabbits, Maztoh, and maybe even some new Spain soccer attire for the pre-World Cup party I'm attending in two weekends. Fernando Torres will always be my hero.

However, now I'm running into a mental predicament. Because I came to terms with my second round of unemployment over the weekend, thinking how maybe doing straight up temp work wouldn't be the end of the world, and I could audition for more theatre or volunteer with PAWS at long last (although PAWS = me getting a puppy or seven, so I may need to wait on that one still) or start my serious acting agent hunt instead of my serious job hunt.

But nooooo, the minute I decide this forced-upon-me decision isn't so horrible, I have to put it on hold for another two weeks. Which will most likely consist of me thinking about how I want a freaking full time, permanent, secure job so I don't have to worry about LIFE every other day, or so I can continue to avoid the terrifying world of being a career-seeking actress (yes, this is me admitting that maybe sometimes I put off auditioning not for the reasons I say I do but because I am a pussy. Ugh. Unemployment makes you look at yourself and it is not a fun thing a lot of the time, let me tell you.), or so I can stop battling intensely in my brain about what the hell I'm doing with myself. And I mean a Skywalker vs Vader battle, where someone will lose a hand and someone will have to die, though hopefully with a nice little reconciliation at the end and maybe a ghost appearance that is NOT Hayden Christenson!

So that's why dragging out this temping position might not be good for me. Not because I don't want to do temp work, because maybe I do. Or because I'm not happy working again and making money, because I definitely am. But because my poor little brain never settles itself down and two more weeks means my current state of peace will last for about a day or two, and then I'll be on the phone in tears again with someone who loves me but who still probably hates dealing with sobby, whiny, insecure me.

Oh, and the title? It's a LOTR quote. This is why Tolkien is also my hero. And moreso than Torres (sorry buddy, but bring back the faux-hawk and then we can talk!).

"If no one will listen, if you decide to speak..."

A proud or shame-filled few of you may know these lyrics from the original Idol, Kelly Clarkson, but they're actually from the original song by the lovely Keri Noble. FYI.

Anyways, I'll tie this all in in a moment.

Here's what I briefly have to say to update you on my situation.

I don't know where I stand here, if I have a job after this temping thing is up, or if it's all coming to an end at the conclusion of the week. It's driving me nuts, because I'm really enjoying my time here so far, the people are great, and I feel like I actually have room to grow if I get to stick around for a while. So, the suspense is killing me. I'm having mild breakdowns at inconvenient times worrying about possibly having to find work again after a tease of a great job. I'm constantly over-analyzing anything and everything I hear, I see, I'm told, I do, I'm asked, etc. while working. I'm obsessing about what I need to wear to make an impression. I'm hating my allergies for making me look like I'm sick and gross and snotty.

And I'm absolutely terrified of asking if I'm staying around or not. Because I feel like it's not going to be the answer I want, and therefore, I don't want to know because it will break my poor little heart.

Not to mention, I've completely given up my unemployment supplements for this gig, and I'm almost positive I can't get them back if I'm on my own again, so I'll be out on the streets and panicked about money MORE than I was before. Which leads to the immediate assumption that I'll be moving home, living off the folks, and growing fat and sloppy playing video games and being friendless in the wilderness of the backroads of Oshkosh. Very valid fears.

Anyways, tomorrow I'm going to grow the balls I need to just ask if I'm staying past Friday or not (That's what the song lyrics were for... me. To encourage me to speak. Cheesy, yes. But totally motivational. Listen to the Keri Noble version. NOW.). And then, since I'm going to Madison for the weekend, I'm either celebrating, mourning, or drinking away the frustration of being strung along for a longer period of time (but also the joy of still having an income for the time being so I can spend that money on booze!).

And still the hunt goes on, just in the waiting-in-the-tree-for-the-deer-to-walk-by kind of way (What!? I'm from the Midwest, I'm allowed to use horrible deer hunting metaphors!).

The No Good, Terrible, Very Bad Interview

So, I'm temping away my days and I love it.

I know that sentence is kind of hard to embrace, since it includes the words "temping" and "love," but seriously, this place has been good to me so far!

However, I am not here to ooh and ahh over my current, though possibly brief, employment stint. You will all be thrilled to know that I have been interviewing still, and I've got a good little morsel of a story for ya'll. Happy early St. Patrick's Day!

So, yesterday, day two of the temp job, I had an interview scheduled for 6:15 pm, giving me 45 minutes to commute north and be ready to rock and roll. They were actually great, because they agreed to stay around late so that I could come in without having to take time off of my second day in the office. However, I felt guilty doing it, since I want to stay where I'm at, and I couldn't tell anyone. So why wouldn't that be the day I leave at the same time as two of my new coworkers?! And why wouldn't we all be taking the exact same train north!? And why wouldn't they be curious to know what my confirmation phone call on the train was about!?

So, they both got off the train, and I continued on my way to the ever-so-discreet "meeting" I had just confirmed, feeling like a total schmuck. Awesome.

I arrive at the building and have to call the guy to let me in. He comes down to meet me, as I'm standing there in a purple dress with matching purple heels like someone out of Mad Men or something. And I shake hands with a boy in a black sweatshirt and jeans. Not only is he totally casual, but he doesn't seem to care about washing his hair, yet the side-swiped bangs make me think that's his most cherished feature. Hellllooo emo Pete Wentz.

So, I'm obviously excited. Ok, but seriously, having walked around in heels all day, the jeans were definitely appealing (not his, obviously, just jeans in general). The space was all cool and lofty, so things started looking up.

Until he walked into the conference room with my requested water... in a red plastic cup. You know, the ones that you see crushed on the ground covered in old booze and dirt at house parties. So, professionalism isn't really there thing then?

It continues.

I'm introduced to his associate, who seems nice enough, and we get started with the interview.

You know what I love? When interviews involve hearing a lot about a company and the position and all the perks and horrors of it all, while I interrupt every once in a while to mention my past experience and what I could bring. And what makes them even better?? When it is completely obvious that they are trying to sell you on the whole deal and not vice versa. Granted, I don't exactly enjoy selling myself to people, but isn't that what you're supposed to do in an interview? Yeah, things were going well.

Not only did they talk about all the horrible things that come from working there (the market is BAAADDDD, you don't really get paid because it's 100% commission, you have to work 10 hour days and you can't even leave for lunch), but they complained about things, bantered back and forth with sarcastic remarks, and actually mentioned that one person who was fired had been a bitch so it was totally fine.

And then they threw up the big, bloody, red flag. At least to little ole gay-friendly, feminist me.

"One thing we think it's necessary to warn people about is that we are not PC here."

Ummm.......

I get that being PC isn't always easy, or fun. And I understand that being PC sometime includes just being polite and considerate of others, and not swearing or burping or whatever. Oh WAIT. No, that's not the definition of PC. No, that's the definition of being a nice human being. So, PC means being considerate of others' beliefs and identities and all that fun stuff.

Or, as a fun little source you may have heard of called Mirriam-Webster puts it, political correctness is "conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated."

Yes, I looked up the definition.

That's how serious I take this.

Also, did they NOT see my resume, where I state that I studied Women's Studies and LGBT Studies in college?? WHY ARE THEY INTERVIEWING ME??!?

Anyways, I'd heard enough at that point. Especially when the side-swipe dude let me know that no one ever gets really offended, although there was one time when he did.

Ten bucks says it was regarding his hair.

So, they finally complete the 'interview' and I think I'm free to go home and get some sushi with the bf. Nope. Oh no. No, I need to meet with one of the partners now. Awesome. But, even better than staying to talk with yet another person, side-swipe continues on to tell me that this partner man is going to purposefully try to bore me and I need to make sure I look attentive. And then they left me to wait for the partner to come in.

Yes, I completely thought about, and even visualized, what it would be like to just get up and book it out of there. The conference room I was in was right in the front of the office, and everyone else was further back. They wouldn't have even see me go.

Buuuuuttt... they also had my name and all my info, and that's just shady for me to do, even if I don't want the job. That's like when someone doesn't ever respond to an email that's personally directed to them. Yes, I have specific examples of these types of situations. I think you probably figured that one out though.

Anywho, I stayed. And the guy came in and talked, for probably TWENTY MINUTES, about the history of the company and what the company is all about and so, so, so much more that I didn't care about. But oh, I was VERY attentive. I smiled, laughed, nodded in agreement, made sure my eyes were wide and didn't stray away. This? Is why I am an actress. Haha.

But guess what? It STILL DOESN'T END HERE! Seriously, it actually continues to spiral downhill. So he finally finishes up his shpiel and decides to actually learn something about me. He asks me where I grew up and we talk about how good Midwest people are.

Then he asks me what my parents do for a living. Um, ok? How does this pertain to me getting a job? So I mention my dad's company and start to say how my mom volunteers. But no, he jumps right into asking what my dad DOES at his company. WHAT?! WHY? I'm now totally uncomfortable, and kind of pissed off, so I give the snoozer my dad's full title (Obviously, I'm talking about President Obama here, which is why this is sooooo uncomfortable.). He says something along the lines of wow or some other remark that doesn't help my irritation, and moves on to asking more about my siblings and my interests and yadda yadda.

Meanwhile, because this is not over YET, side-swipe comes back in (later telling me he did so in order to break up the boringness of the partner guy) and the two of them have a back and forth banter of sorts.

Which leads to the next and scariest part.

Snoozer partner tells side-swipe: "I like her. Let's hire her. Let's hire her right now."

Internal Me: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK. Ohgodohgodohgod. Now I have to tell them to their faces that I don't want to do this, and they are going to ask me questions about it and I have to be polite and they may try to convince me and I just want to LEAVE!

Side-swipe: Well, we should probably get you in for another interview, so that you can sit down with a team.

Internal Me: Ohthankheavens.

External Me: Ok, great!

They then tell me they want to do it during normal office hours, obviously, since it's a team of people, and I let them know I'll talk to my current temp bosses and see if they'll let me leave early one day to interview. Which of course I'm not going to do since I have no desire for the position and my temp job has the potential to become a real job that I would probably enjoy.

We say goodbye, I book it out of there, I'm awkwardly stopped on the stairs so side-swipe can give me his card, and then I am GONE. An hour and a half later. Starving, crabby, and no longer able to do my 6 loads of laundry as planned.

Two days later? I send side-swipe a very happy-go-lucky email saying thanks but no thanks since I don't think it will suit my interests and I can't take on the demands of the position currently. Meaning I don't want to hear people swearing up a storm all day and offending their coworkers and living in an office trying to earn a single dollar.

And so, the now lukewarm job hunt continues. As I try to patiently wait for word as to whether I'll be working beyond two weeks. Oof.

Meanwhile, you'll be hearing more horror stories on the job hunt, I'm sure!

Happiness is a Warm Gun

While jobs relating to children don't seem to find me appealing after they originally contact me (I seriously don't get why it's so hard to send out a quick email saying thanks but no thanks. I did it as a recruiter, and I had like 300 people to email!), I'm beginning to feel good about a recent company I've interviewed with.

Yes, I realize this is a horribly depressing moment for those of you who are reading this as the possible coming-to-an-end of my blog, but before you get too upset, nothing is set in stone yet. I have another potentially awkward interview scheduled for Monday evening, and I will continue to share my awkward life encounters and especially my audition experiences long after I find a job. So wipe away that single tear, and let's move on now.

As I was saying, I had an interview with a small (as in, the number of employees aren't in the double digits yet) company on Tuesday, the day after the DOUCHEBAG experience, and then moved on for a second interview on Wednesday.

And I have nothing bad to say.

Crazy, right?!

But really, the people were awesome, the company seems great, the location is fantastic, and I'm really excited by the opportunity.

It's actually a little freaky because it seems impossible for things to work out that well. It makes me uncomfortable, since it's an experience I haven't had.

And it's not a done deal yet, so I am going to be silly and superstitious and keep my mouth shut, but I am temping for them while they make a hiring decision, since they can't make that decision for a few weeks and because they're short staffed, and that makes me feel more confident that they like me! Obviously I'll keep you posted.

And while I get that you want to hope for bad things to happen so that I can continue making your days brighter with my hilarious storytelling, it'd be cool if you could wish me well and hope for good things, since this blog has yet to be picked up for a book deal and therefore I need to make a living. And if I'm dead from starvation you're probably going to have less opportunities to read my funny stories about auditions and creepy encounters on the CTA (which I guarantee will happen). So let's hope for the best here, huh!?

Also, I applied for a dog walking position today that I saw on Craigslist, if that makes you feel any better about possible future awkwardness!

But, if I somehow run out of things to share, remind me to tell you about the audition I went to a few weeks ago. In a gym. That smelled like poop.

PS... The title is a reference, not a suicidal comment. It's my attempt at being abstract about how my happiness at getting a job might make people think this blog is dead. Yes, really. And I'm more concerned about your state of being if you don't know that song.

The Silent Treatment

An update on the 'To Be Continued' post.

They are ignoring me. (They, just to remind you, being the childcare company that asked me random questions over the phone, like "mountains or ocean?")

I have no idea what happened, what I did to them, or if something horrible occurred (which would be bad), but I have now emailed the woman twice over a two-week time period since she sent me an email about needing to reschedule my interview, and I also followed up by calling the office and leaving a voicemail for the woman who originally interviewed me over the phone.

Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

They hate me.

Maybe they figured out I'm not a fan of children??

Speaking of which, I not only updated my profile on the nanny website I had posted stuff on a while ago, but this time I actually searched for families that matched my profile and then (and this is the big shocker) I even emailed one of the families about nannying for their four-month-old daughter!

Times are a getting desperate.

I also haven't heard anything from that family.

Once again, the silent treatment is a move made in the ongoing game of my job hunt.

You will be shot for this!

The baby lady did not call me back!

Story of my life. Well, minus the 'baby lady' part.

Here's another fun little diddy though...

So, yesterday, first interview with a company for a little while now. Whoohoo!

The one word I'd use to sum up the experience?

DOUCHE.

Douche, douche, douche.

And I'm not talking about keeping clean. I'm talking about the attitude of a person.

Let me start at the beginning. I had received a call from an international staffing agency, that we will leave unnamed, about my resume I had posted on one of the tons of job search engines. Apparently they were looking for a recruiter and were interested in me. The guy who called told me to check out their site and call him back if I was interested. I looked it over briefly, reading about what they do, who they find jobs for, where they're located, and all that jazz. I called him back and let him know I was interested, expecting to talk in more detail. Nope. He said great, here's when you should come in for an interview, see you then. So I was going into this thing a little more blind than I expected.

So yesterday, I checked out the site again before my interview and discovered a somewhat hidden link to the internal position I was interviewing for, and started to read about the details.

Oh f*ck.

It was all sales. Like big time sales. Not the kind of recruiting I was interested in. Boo. I kind of had expected it, but seeing it in writing confirmed my fears. So, I debated pulling out (that's what he said?) of the interview, but I thought I might as well go in and learn more and see if there's maybe something I missed that makes it sound better, or if they had another position or something better suited for me.

I get all dressed up, and in killer pink heels might I add (thanks Angie!), and head downtown. Turns out, the office was 10 floors below my boyfriend's office. Ironic, but kind of awesome. Unless I got the job and then for some unforeseen reason we broke up and hated each other and then saw each other in the lobby and it was awkward and awful and one or both of us cried and then I had to quit to get away and then all my friends picked him over me and I became unemployed and alone and sunk to the level of loving cats and got 7 and shared cat food with them and talked to them as if they were children and walked them on leashes around the neighborhood in a velor sweatsuit and crocs with socks. Or something along those lines. I haven't really thought about it too much or anything.

Annnnyyywhooo, I go in for the interview and discover the guy I had spoken with on the phone was out for the day for some reason, so I'm meeting with some other guy.

Now, those of you in sales, you probably think this is silly of me to describe this situation as douchey because I should have expected it, but I didn't because I'm so sweet and kind and wonderful. Hahaha. But really, I didn't know what to expect, it just definitely wasn't this.

The new guy starts talking immediately about what the company is about and what they're looking for, without asking me a thing. Now, I'm assuming he grabbed my resume right before he walked in the room, since someone else had been handling my info earlier, so you'd think he'd want to know more about me a little first? NOPE. He tells me the job is hard, but the company is great, and then he talks about money. I, being Jewish and all, am not comfortable talking about money. Actually, I shouldn't throw my people under the bus like that, as I feel most people are a little awkward about talking money, especially two minutes into an interview. So he's talking about the half million you can make in the industry and yadda yadda yadda. And then he moves on to my resume and asking me questions.

He asked me two questions total.

Question number one: (He glances at my resume, which could have been upside down and I doubt he would have noticed) Tell me about your previous experiences.

So I talk about my last jobs and how they'd relate to this position, including my 3 month stint with Careerbuilder, and why I left the company after that short of a time period.

And then he decided to tell me that my resume is basically crap, since my jobs are all somewhat short term and that makes him doubt my loyalty. Well, not him, but probably his boss (he liked backhand insulting me and then blaming it on what his boss would potentially say).

And here is what I wanted to say but of course didn't: Dude. If you would look over my resume in a little more detail, and maybe ask me a few more questions, you would realize that I've been in the actual working world for a little over two years and I have had a total of three jobs. One in Madison, which was temp because I was moving to Chicago in the autumn, and then two in Chicago. One wasn't right for me, and then less than a month after I left that one, I started with the place I was at for over a year before they laid me off, which guess what? Wasn't something I was exactly happy about, since I liked it there and was (gasp!) really loyal to them, and still am even in my unemployed state. Everything else was in college, and by everything else, I mean the two jobs I had in my four and a half years there, the second one being basically a promotion my first one within the university. So I'm sorry I haven't held down one job for seven years, but I've been a little busy getting educated and finding my place in a new city. Sorry if that's a concern for you.

But no, I kept my mouth shut and smiled and nodded and pretended like what he said was totally justified based on our five minute long conversation thus far.

Question number two: Where are you looking to go in your career path?

I explain that I'm interested in HR recruiting, and that I've been looking specifically at positions in that field, as well as more basic admin work.

And then he says this. Let me give you a word of advice.

Now, let's remember how this all started. They recruited me. They saw my resume, called me, and brought me in for an interview without asking these very very basic questions over the phone.

His word of advice? Don't say HR OR recruiting when meeting with recruiters. Because they are basically the opposite of each other. Total enemies. Recruiting is sales, and HR is more compensation packages and admin work and things like that. Saying HR OR recruiting to them is a big red flag.

What I wanted to say but of course didn't? I'm sorry, but did I ever use the word OR in my sentence? Because if you listened, instead of talking about yourself and your job the whole time, you would have realized that I said HR Recruiting, meaning I want to recruit in an HR position more so than be in sales. Aka, I DON'T WANT THIS JOB. THIS IS A WASTE OF MY TIME. YOU ARE A TURD. Goodbye.

Instead, I smiled and nodded and pretended he was super nice and helpful and interesting. He then told me that he'd bring my resume and the information we discussed to his boss and they'd be in touch.

And then he compared their job hunt to an execution, "lined up against a wall and shot at" style. That's how they're selecting candidates? Lining everyone up, picking out who to kill, and who to keep? Awesome. BYE.

And that was that. I debated emailing them and withdrawing, but then I realized they'd be the people who'd laugh at that, pointing out how I actually thought I had a chance and I'm hurting them by withdrawing. So screw that. I'm giving them the silent treatment. Real mature, huh?

Wanna know what the douchebag did two hours later? Asked me to join his network on LinkedIn. Probably because he wanted to show me all his connections and 'guide' me on my path in life. Thanks, but no thanks.

And that was that experience. One more for the books.

A word to the wise, try not to insult the people you're recruiting for a position, whether or not you think they're a good fit. It just doesn't reflect well upon your company, even if it is a cutthroat environment. Or reference executions. Also, kind of an odd way of promoting what you do there. Just sayin'...

Kids. I don't know what's wrong with these kids today.

Here's a quickie before I leave you for the weekend.

I am not a fan of children.

Seriously, I don't really like working with kids. I've worked with them in shows, and they are whiny, they misbehave, and they don't know how to shut up backstage. So I am the shusher and I HATE, let me repeat, HATE shushing in any way shape or form. I was the kid who got shushed. Traumatizing. (And Drew, shushing me? Is not a funny joke.)

Anyways, children. I just am slightly uncomfortable and irritated by them. But here's the the thing. They love me. For real. Kids, for some reason, latch on to me. It's probably because I talk to them normally, instead of like they're kids. Or something like that. So, while I'm not a fan, I'm apparently good with them.

Which brings me to my point. I just got a call today about nannying for a 3-month-old boy. Apparently somewhere in my early stages of job hunting, I put all my info on a nanny website. So this woman saw it, for some unknown reason decided I might be a good fit, and called me.

Here's the thing. Babies are not that bad, provided they're not colicky and crying constantly or pooping all over the place. Which is kind of an oxymoron, I know. But really, they sleep and eat and poop (hopefully not a ton though). So maybe I could do it?

Anyways, I talked to the woman for a bit and she asked me to send her more info about my past experience. Which I did. After taking a few hours to come up with that. Which included calling my mother and asking her the names of the people I babysat for in high school. Oof. It's a stretch, but hey, I know how to talk myself up and I think my 'Nanny Resume' actually looks pretty good, even if the most recent date on there is 2004!

So, we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted. And I promise, if I get the job, I will not ever write about the details of a poopy diaper. That's what your newly parenting friends on Facebook are for!

Back in the Saddle Again (But backwards, like the Old Spice guy)

Sorry 'bout the silence, but I was out of town, without internet or phone access. It was archaic. And you should have seen me right before I had to turn off my phone on the flight... I was literally rapidly scrolling through Facebook to get my fix before I had to go without it for 5 days. Unbelievably pathetic. But the joy I had turning on my phone again after my trip made it all worth it.

This? This is why a job like the first one I blogged about, that Dating Company, would NEVER EVER EVER work for me. No computers, no thank you.

Anywho, I don't have much to write about here since I haven't had much of anything happen since that stupid modeling interview thing (which I never did follow up on, and which I never heard another peep from them about).

I haven't heard anything from the one job I'm still waiting to interview for. I never got a response to my email about hopefully rescheduling the interview she wanted to do on a day I was out of town. And I've yet to hear anything back from the follow up I sent yesterday about that rescheduling. Soooo... write it off? I'm not sure. I am slowly losing interest in the gig, but I don't want to give it up as a lost cause yet. Mainly because that's so depressing, as it's the last possibility I've got at the moment.

This is why I really can't write a lot today. Because it's so much less funny and so much more whiny when I don't have hilarious interview stories to share.

Ok, new subject. That was getting too annoying to handle.

I don't know if you realize this, but I am a HUGE Craigslister when it comes to job hunting. I'm sure you're all rolling your eyes at me now, since all of these crazy interviews suddenly make perfect sense, but there is something about the simplicity that is the organization of Craigslist that makes me so much more drawn to it.

So, with the month of the active job hunting I've been doing, averaging about 15 hours a week searching and applying to positions, guess how many Craigslist jobs I've applied to?

As of this moment, 45. FORTY-FIVE CRAIGSLIST JOBS.

I can't decide if that's an embarrassingly low number, or an embarrassingly high number. Or if I should be proud that I haven't been murdered yet. I'm going with that one.

And, to close this post, I'll leave you with a copy of a standard response I get for applying to a receptionist position on Craigs (outside of all the ones that immediately ask me to go fill out all my information on another staffing/job searching site that wants to link you to as many sponsors as they possibly can):

"Hello Applicant,

This is an online/work from home job, the Hiring Dept of the company has reviewed your resume and we believe you have the required qualifications for the job. Do you have a yahoo messenger on your computer? If not download one.
To proceed with this Data entry Clerk job position ,you must undergo an online interview that will be conducted via yahoo messenger.


I want you to setup a yahoo messenger (IM) and Instant Message the Hiring Manager Mr James York on his yahoo ID (james_work71@yahoo.com) asap for the interview so you can get interviewed for the position.

This is a full-time job with benefits and the hours are great, get started with the online interview process and get back to me as soon as possible.

Hiring Department
Mr. John David"

Receptionists typically mean front desk, right?? If anyone feels like 'messaging' the dude, go for it! There's something about interviewing for a position I didn't originally apply for over Yahoo Messenger that seems a little off to me. If only they had said gchat, then we'd be talking!

Boobies!

My comment about lifting my shirt for the model guy (which, by the way, wasn't a full lift, just enough to find my belly button) reminded me that I promised Playboy a while back and I have yet to deliver.

Well here it is.

And it has nothing to do with boobies! Hahahaha.

In all honesty, this is the second time I have applied for a position in the corporate office of Playboy. However, I don't think they like me. And for good reason.

This one's a short one (aka, normal-people length).

I came across a listing for a position titled "Rights and Permissions Assistant", that's basically an administrative job. It sounded pretty good for me, so I started applying. Playboy has a kind of old-school set up for their online applications, where you have a 5-step process or so to go through to submit information. It was taking me a while to get through it and then I realized I need to upload a cover letter, I couldn't just paste it in a box on the application.

So I start up a Word document and get to editing my cover letter template so that it fits the job I'm applying for. I start out by saying how my previous positions have set me up to be perfect for this job, talk about the qualities I can bring to the Rights and Admissions Assistant position, talk about how great I am, yadda yadda yadda.

I save it, upload it on the site, and submit everything to Playboy. I get an email a few minutes later letting me know they recieved my application for the Rights and Permissions Assistant and they'll review it and be in touch.

Um, wait.

Rights and Permissions??

And I look over my cover letter again. Sure enough, I start out my first paragraph with Rights and Permissions and by the time my cover letter is finished, I have written Rights and ADMISSIONS three times, as well as saved the document under that name.

Well shit.

Guess this isn't going to be how I get a job with Playboy. If only there was another way...

I kid, I kid!

But maybe Chicago Top Models could have hooked me up, huh? Haha.

"It's a Walk-Off!"

This one's a little embarrassing, but hey, I signed up for this so I have to suffer the consequences.

In the midst of all my serious job hunting, I came across one of those ads on Craigslist that said 'Actors Needed.' Those of you familiar with perusing Craigs, you know what I'm talking about. They're totally sketchy and mix actors and models in one big clump (HOW DARE THEY!) and probably want your money before they do anything for you.

So I signed up.

Seriously.

I think the unemployment has gone to my head. I clicked on a link to the website and decided to fill out the application. Oh, it's a standard application, you know, just asking for your name and phone number and eye color and your measurements. The best part was, I was in a coffee shop downtown and had no clue what my measurements were. So, instead of thinking, gosh, this isn't worth it, I instead downloaded a ruler application for my phone, grabbed my computer cord, and measured my hips, waist, and bust. In public. With a computer cord. I do not make this up.

After all that, I submitted it and laughed it off.

And then someone called me. The guy was talking super fast, but basically said that I should come in for an interview, so we set it up and a few days later, off I went. I was a little nervous I was about to get raped and pillaged, but the office location seemed legit. And when I got there, the space was surprisingly nice and lofty and had Project Runway ads all over (maybe they hooked them up with models?? Oh my God, I could be on Project Runway!??!). I had to fill out another form asking for my measurements, which I of course didn't remember, because who on earth memorizes those numbers beside Barbie. I left it blank, thinking they could just look at my online form, and headed into my meeting.

With an eight-foot-tall black man who had shoulder-length braids that he kept flipping all over the place.

Good start, I say.

So I'm talking to this guy, and he's all over the place, and I am confused what exactly this 'interview' is about, but I'm trying to figure out what they are looking for from me. And then the dude starts explaining how auditions work.

Now don't get me wrong, I realize they probably get a lot of inexperienced, potentially weird people in there and have to walk them through how auditioning for theatre works, but that isn't me. And he was talking in detail about how equity actors get gigs compared to non-equity. And I got a little frustrated and started interrupting him before he got out of control with information I didn't need to hear. Obviously, this was not a normal interview. I promise I don't get attitude when meeting for a potential job!

So, that was ok I guess, but left me with a slightly bad taste in my mouth, and also with the knowledge that I wasn't going to be signing anything with them because once I get an agent, I'm not getting one called "Chicago Top Models" to represent me as an actor. (Oops. I guess I let the cat out of the bag on that company's name. Darn.) Especially when it sounds like they would be sending me to the auditions I send myself to. And then taking part of the money in the end. Sounds great to me!

I had already made up my mind by that point, but apparently the interview wasn't over yet. I had brought in a picture of myself like they asked, but apparently they needed digital ones, not a hard copy of my headshot. So, because this guy needs to explain everything in a ridiculous amount of detail, he walks me through what a photo should consist of. It needs to be a copy that they have the rights to use, that is edited and they WILL NOT take unedited photos because there can be NO blemishes or spots AT ALL, and it has to be recent. Meanwhile, he's holding my professional headshot in his hand, that looks exactly like me so it's obviously current, and that is not only done by a renown photographer in the area, but she is so good at her job, they are blemish and spot-free without editing! Janna Giacoppo. She rocks my socks off. Back to my story though. After he goes through all that, he then proceeds to tell me they have an inhouse photographer if I can't afford updating my photos. Ok, to truly understand how ridiculous this comment was, you may want to check out the quality photos on their website. That's all I'll say. Anyways, I quickly interrupted him and let him know mine were current. Sheesh.

And it doesn't end there.

He looked over my form again and realized I didn't have my measurements written down, which I explained that I had submitted them already and I didn't remember.

Not good enough.

Oh no, no, he had to whip out a clothing tape measure and have me lift my shirt up so he could measure my waist and hips. Luckily (for him, because I would have kicked him right in the junk!) he didn't do my bust, just took down my bra size.

So that was fun.

And it still doesn't end there. Right as we were ending things, he tells me that they are having a casting for runway hair models the next day. And then he asked me "Is that all your hair?" Umm... no, this is only half of it. I keep the rest in my closet for fancy events. WHAT? What kind of question was that? And now I don't even know how to describe the rest of his comments. He compliments my hair, saying I could be good for the show, especially because they are allowing 5'6" people to participate (gee thanks for including us tiny, short people!), and that I have nice straight teeth and good eyes aaannnddd.... my skin is ok.

The dude with the flippy braids just told me I have okay skin.

I was so out of there. Luckily I had an excuse to not show up for that casting the next day, so I told him I'd email him my pictures and we'd go from there.

Can you guess what happened next?

I totally didn't send over my pictures. Whoops!

Moral of the story is, I guess my next job isn't going to be modeling. We can cross that one off the list. Now if only he had taken a good look at my hands, I'm sure I could have gotten a hand-modeling job, easy! Oh wait, there's still skin on those. Shoot.

If only I had better than okay skin, then I think my job hunt would be going a lot smoother. Badumm chhh!

(Yes, I just spelled out a drum noise. I'm done now.)

Where do we go from here?

This one's a 'To be continued...' post. I'll let you know that at the beginning so you don't get all disappointed when there's not an ending to the story yet. Because believe me, it is disappointing to not have an end to this one yet. But maybe that means a good end!?

Anywho, over three weeks ago I applied for an entry level HR position with a company that hooks up babysitters with families. Aka, a big networking resource. Now, those of you who know me are probably wondering why I am pursuing a job that deals with kids. Well, here's the thing... it really doesn't! The position would allow me to recruit babysitters and then work with a coworker on matching them with a family. Nothing like the countless day care center reception positions I have applied to, where you have to interact with the rugrats. Oof.

So, I applied, wrote a nice little cover about how much nannying meant to me when I did it for a summer in college (It meant BIRTH CONTROL, that's what it meant! I didn't write that though. That'd be awkward.) Much to my surprise, I get a call about doing a phone interview a few days later. So I work that out and talk to the girl who works mainly with the families there, and answer lots of questions.

Now, as someone who did a lot of the question-asking in the past, I enjoy hearing what kind of questions other people ask on interviews. This one might have topped all other interviews off though. After the standard questions about past positions and the like, she prefaces the next set of questions with how they're a little odd but it's what they've found to work for them. And then she tells me to just pick the one I prefer. And goes through a list:

Mountains or Ocean?
Optimistic or Pessimistic?
Cats or Dogs?

And many others. I was totally honest and it was cool because I didn't know what the hell they were looking for, but she told me afterward that they just need someone who will fit in well because there's about 3 people total in the office spending all their time together.

I like to think that it was my "Pessimistic...? I'd like to say realistic but I guess I'll go with pessimistic if those are my two options." that got me an in-person interview. Suck on that, optimists!

And two and a half weeks later? I'm still waiting on that interview.

In all fairness, the woman rescheduled once for a snowstorm and then again because her kid was sick. But, now I'm out of town for the date she suggested and I haven't heard back about rescheduling.

AND I actually think this job sounds awesome so far.

So, I ask you to cross your fingers or send me your good karma (Please! I don't know how to break my own bad karma!) or whatever, and as I said before...

To be continued...

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...

Milton may have been laid off and never told about it, which isn't what happened here, but we both have been moved around all over the place without a lot of regard for what we're interested in.

Yes, I just compared myself to Milton Waddams from Office Space. And now we're going to pretend I didn't just do that, and move on.

Staffing Agencies. I love to hate them, but they're the only ones who can get me a bunch of interviews sometimes.

And those interviews can lead to some great stories, let me tell you.

To start, when I threw myself into this job hunting process, I was getting calls based on my newly updated resume on Careerbuilder and the like, and lots of those were from staffing agencies who either saw my resume or who I unknowingly submitted an application to when I applied for a job somewhere. So, I spoke with two staffing agencies about different positions probably the first week I started looking. One was about a job that I was not interested in, but who wanted to have me come in and interview for other jobs they had open that I might be better for. The other was for a job that sounded ok to me.

So, off I went to both agencies in one week (I hope they're not reading this, because I don't know if I am technically allowed to have two agencies working with me!)

The first one, for the job I didn't want, was kind of like my previous experience with a staffing agency in Madison... except this time I didn't end up going in for an interview and actually end up signing paperwork for the job I was apparently starting a few days later. Well, that kind of did happen. But I'll get back to that. Anyways, it was a dingy, behind-the-times office where I filled out a shit-ton of paperwork, wrote my SSN about 30 times (not nerve-wreaking at all!), and had to take time-consuming and dumb tests about Microsoft Office and my typing skills. At least they didn't send me to a doctor to cut 100 strands of hair off my head at the root though... I'm not interested in having weird baldish spots under my hair again.

After all of this, they start sending me to a variety of interviews for different jobs. Mind you, I told them right away that while I'm on severance pay still, I'm not lowering my standards for positions, meaning I don't want to take a pay cut or work temp jobs... at least not until the need for paychecks becomes real. Well, this information is apparently not important. Because I don't think I went on a single interview that fit within those requests, most of which I didn't know until it was too late. But hey, they get paid when I get paid... so I see where the priorities lie.

First, they sent me to interview for an office manager for an advertising firm. This one was actually not a bad one at all. However, I was pretty much given an entirely different job description from the staffing agency and went into my interview believing the info I knew was correct. And kind of made an ass of myself for it. I had been led to believe it was an 8-5 Monday through Friday position, and hourly wages, which is ideal for my theatre pursuits. And so I talked about doing theatre in the evenings. Turns out it was a salaried position that expects some evening availability. Which I totally have, but spoke as if I didn't. And screwed it up royally. So, I quickly learned to ask more questions about the position when talking to the staffing agency, and use more discretion when interviewing.

Second, I was sent to do a 'working interview' for a media company. I was told that I get paid for the day, and it's basically a test of my skills and personality and if they like me, they might ask me to come back the next day. I was also told this was for an HR position, which is what I'm trying to find. So... awesome!!

Ummm yeah... not so much. Turns out it was strictly a temp position that had nothing to do with HR and basically consisted of me answering 8 phone calls and filing their receipts from 2008 onward. And the best part? They apparently thought it was my first day on the job and I was introduced to the whole company at their staff meeting. Mid-morning I realized it was not what I thought it was and at lunch I called the staffing agency. When I finally spoke to the woman, she said they JUST changed their requirements for the HR position and so I'm no longer qualified, but they liked me and wanted to take me on as a temp for tasks like the ones I had been doing. I was kind of furious at this point. Then, I had to act as a middle man between the staffing agency and their client, explaining what I had been told of the position and how I wasn't currently looking for temp work. However, because I felt guilty about it all, I told her I'd work out the rest of the week so I didn't leave them hanging. Finally, I spent the rest of the day filing for them, until the woman there told me that they decided to bring on someone new the next day I was free to go. Ridiculous. Now (two weeks later), I am still battling it out with the staffing company so I get paid for that "working interview." Oy vey.

Third, and so far, last for this agency, they sent me to an interview for an executive assistant position. But it's not just for your average company. Oh no, no, it's for a self-help guru's organization. Seriously. And I had to do these extensive 'personality' tests before I interviewed. Which of course aren't compatible with a Mac, so something got screwed up and I had to sort it all out with the agency before I could do the interview. So, it gets all arranged and I show up at the office. I'm led into an office with another guy who's competing for the job. And we're told we have to do some more 'personality tests.' So, we start out with a timed one, that's more about math and English than my personality, but whatever. The woman comes in and takes those away, and gives us another one. This one is a true or false one, and no joke, the first question T/F statement is "I think it's okay to shoplift on occasion." It continues on for 49 more statements, including two in a row that were "I have been noticing changes in my body" and "I like guns." By these two, I'm laughing out loud. The dude and I both finish and we're kind of joking about the questions, and I told him my favorite was the gun one. His response? 'I feel like I should say true since I'm sort of a Republican." I have no comment in response to this. Then I start looking around the office. And I see Jesus. EVERYWHERE. There are about 7 different Jesus statues and pictures. My level of uncomfortableness has hit a new high. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or run away. Well, turns out, I didn't need to make the decision. They did it for me. The woman finally comes back in the room... oh, and this was probably important to know, but they had said at the beginning that if you pass the 'personality testing' you'd move on to an interview... and says "Thank you Nicole. You're free to go."

I failed the first personality test. She didn't even see my T/F answers. I have no idea what happened. And apparently, they don't let the staffing agency know how people pass or fail (great use of having a staffing agency send you potential hires, huh?) so I truly have no idea what occurred.

So, I of course came up with my own theory. They had cameras in the room and saw my panicked face at the Republican comment and the Jesuses, and realized I am a liberal Jew and kicked me the hell out of there. There's no other logical explanation.

And that was my experience with the first staffing agency I visited. They haven't called me in over a week now. Granted, I'm not their ideal person to find a job for I'm sure, since I'm definitely picky. But also? I am kind of grateful that they're ignoring me. Because, while having lots of interviews lined up is great, it was obvious they weren't going to hook me up with a job I'd enjoy. But I'll keep you posted if something new comes up, because I am not one to turn down interviews, especially now that this blog is up and running. And we all know it'll be a good story if it's coming from this agency!

Oh, and the other staffing company? Great office, well-kept, up-to-date, friendly and younger employees. But apparently lacking positions that are a good fit for me, as I haven't heard a thing since that first interview. I wasn't a good fit for the job I went in to interview for I guess, but they asked a ton of questions about me and what I'm looking for, and we even had mutual friends. So, I'll take not hearing from them over going on pointless interviews any day!

And thus far, my experience with staffing companies. I am now avoiding applying for positions that come through agencies, which is frustrating sometimes, but I just can't get tangled up in more than two at a time, especially if they're like the first one. And also because they take your social security number right away, and I just don't want that all over the place, ya know?

So, next up then? The three-week-long-process-so-far, only-potential-position I am still a contender for...

No direct deposit for me! I'd like my paycheck in the form of a cash wad!

So, this is taking me longer to get up-to-date on where I am in my job huntressing experience right now (I'll give you a hint: it has to do with Playboy). But, ya know, who would have thought trying to find a job while also trying to write about the stories that come from such experiences would be time consuming! Plus, I need to get my free trip to Israel while I'm still young too, so that takes time as well (don't even get me started on how that website needs updating!).

Anyways, this story's short and sweet (Yes, you probably find this ironic, but I'm telling you, I write A LOT and this one is short in comparison.)

After the lovely experience with trying my hand at matchmaking, I was back to the basics of searching for a job. Aka, sitting on my couch while watching crappy daytime TV, sending my resume out to a million places, updating my Careerbuilder and Monster profiles, and selling my abilities to anyone who would listen.

And apparently this one guy would. For a second at least.

If you're at all familiar with the intensity of actively job hunting (which is very different from passively job hunting...learned that one from my brief stint at Careerbuilder!), you know that once you update profiles, you get a lot of calls for kind of crappy positions. And you can't really screen calls, because they are all numbers you don't know and you don't want to miss a one-in-a-million chance. So you answer...and answer.

So, I get this call from some guy who saw my resume online and who's looking for a part-time appointment setter. Obviously, nothing about that is ideal, but I keep listening. Turns out, it's all from home and he basically just needs someone to peruse the various resume databases out there, contact quality candidates, and set up a phone interview with them. And that's pretty much it. And you'd make $10 for each interview you schedule, and only need to take a couple of hours a day doing this work.

It sounded right up my ally, and I could still actively job hunt. Perfect.

And then he spoke the magic words...

"How comfortable would you be with under the table payments?"

Ok guys, you are going to laugh at me, but I had to ask him what he meant by that! I mean, it's not something you ever expect to hear. Plus, the word 'PROSTITUTION' was kind of drowning out any logical thought in my brain. But then I thought about it, and since I'm collecting unemployment currently, it actually sounded like a decent plan. No taxes to deal with, I'd still get my unemployment money while I was searching for a real job, and I'd have cash.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't really think about how I'd get the cash from this dude, which could have been problematic.

But it wasn't. Because he told me he'd talk to his "partner" and get back to me within the next few days about what I'd need to be doing and all of those deals.

And then he never called me back.

Of course, this wasn't a new experience in my life, having a man not call me back. And really, he was definitely in the category of men that you are MUCH better off never hearing from again.

But here's my question. If I didn't get the "job", who did?? I mean, I told him I was cool with getting paid under the table (I'm sorry, but there are just soooo many images that come with stating that phrase!) and I have recruiting experience and I worked at one of the job sites he wanted candidates to come from. So... what the hell happened there? That's not an easy question to pop on someone you're speaking with for the first time and who you don't know at all. I could have been an undercover cop, for all he knew, and shut down his business immediately.

Which brings me to my point.

He had to have gotten arrested. There's no other possible result. The dude's rotting in jail, wishing he hired me instead of calling that last person and blowing his cover.

I could have saved his life and his company.

But oh well, it's just onwards and upwards with me... and into the lovely, classy, comfortable, not-even-close-to-making-you-feel-like-you're-at-the-end-of-your-rope-and-becoming-a-waitress-at-Hooters-might-be-a-better-idea waiting rooms of temp agencies!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match!

What would you do if you came across a job posting that simply said "Dating Organizer"? Would you immediately laugh and continue on past the posting? Would you send a message to the job search site, letting them know someone's spamming them? Or would your eyes immediately light up, and your hand start shaking with excitement and anticipation as you click open the job description?

If you chose options one or two, stop reading. This is not the blog for you. If your eyes lit up and your hands started shaking just from reading that first sentence, hello and welcome to my job hunt!

Yes, the first job I seriously applied for was for a "Dating Organizer". Ok, so maybe you're now thinking I bring this on myself, these stories that come with my job hunt. And maybe I do. Because who wouldn't immediately think of how they can be just like Patti Stanger, hooking up millionaires with trophy wives and telling them about how you know there's attraction there when the penis gets up from the couch?? And that's what I thought I was getting into. I prepared for that. I didn't prepare for a 90's dating service. If I had, I would have worn my pantsuit, dammit!

Getting that interview after submitting my resume was like a dream come true. I was still visiting people, not even back at home getting started with my hardcore searching. I thought my job search was over. I thought it was a miracle. They liked me! They really liked me! My Jewish grandmother is going to be so proud. My mom and her girlfriends will want to talk about all the men I set people up with. I'm in the money!

I arrived back in Chicago, fresh-faced and chipper, with my new teal pumps (ok, so maybe, subconsciously, I did realize I was about to go back to 1993.) ready to dive into their first taste of snow. I buzz into the office and enter a hallway with dark carpet, dim lighting, and salmon walls.

Ok, this is soothing, quiet, eases the nerves of someone looking for love. Great. Perfect.

I'm lead into a small room, with two chairs, tables with pamphlets and forms for prospective clients, a digital camera, and framed articles lining the walls. I'm offered water, and I accept. She brings me a Styrofoam cup of water. Ok, well, didn't know those still existed, but hey, not everyone can be concerned with the environment at all times. Maybe they're just using up the last of an old supply. No big deal. I'm asked a few questions about my resume, easy-peasy, and the woman says she's going to grab her boss to interview me in more detail, so I wait for a bit in the room. I start to look at the articles. Wow, they were really popular back in the 90s. Really successful. Great, all about a woman starting up her own company because she was screwed over by a guy. I'm a feminist, I love that, I'm perfect for this place!

I was still missing the clues, but not for long. In walks the boss lady, who sits down and starts asking me more questions about my resume. And here's where I wish I could record this, and not just type it out. But I guess I have to try to describe the voice. Imagine watching your mom, or a sweet aunt of yours, talking to a 7-year-old child. She's asking the child about a project they did. She talks for a second about the project and what she noticed about it, and then asks the kid, very slowly and at an adult-talking-to-a-young-child level, 'do you think you could do something like this again?' Does this make sense? It's impossible to describe, but basically I was interviewed by a woman who talked down to me the entire time. It was uncomfortable and awkward, and I didn't like her much right off the back, but my spirit still wasn't broken. I had hope.

And then I 'shadowed' an employee. And I was thrust into the world of sales once again. But this time, instead of being surrounded by competitive, macho men, I was surrounded by over-dressed, rapid-speaking, coastie women. If you don't get that comment, you didn't go to UW-Madison, and I apologize for any confusion, but that's as far as I will go with that description. (However, feel free to check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw9ODIZj40w to learn more!) Now, let me mention here that I am not one of those girls who could live in a house filled with women and be happy and cheerful and content. No, I'd be one of those girls who goes to prison for lighting said house on fire. I am not made to be a sorority girl, or anything of the sort. So, immediately, I'm uneasy about the lack of men and about the intensity of the women.

And then the fatal flaw made its obvious, horrible appearance. NO COMPUTERS.

They did not use computers.

At all.

As someone who has obviously figured out a way to read this post, you probably understand the gravity of this situation. And for me, as someone who was just working with a company that prided themselves on being the most up-to-date with technology they could possibly be, this was like stepping into the Twilight Zone. And what made me cringe even more was the system they were using. They had paper files of all of their clients, stapled together in clumps, and separated into rolling filing bins that they moved around the office as one person talked to a client about someone another employee had the file for.

I get that they wanted to separate themselves from the world of online dating, that they wanted to make it more personal. I understand that, I think that's great. I do not understand how this made them an efficient, powerhouse of a company that worked toward their clients' best interests. Because it didn't, it couldn't. I didn't get it. I didn't understand how rapidly calling all of their clients and trying to keep phone calls short so a quota could be hit by the end of the day made their service more personal. I WAS LOST. My fingers kept twitching for my phone, needing to know technology was still there, nearby, not gone forever. I didn't know what was happening in the world and I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

So, needless to say, I was uncomfortable. I faked my way through the last portion of the interview, telling them in a panic that I could definitely see myself doing such a job and how great I'd be for it, and booked it out of there. My spirit was deflated. My Yente dreams were crushed. I couldn't ever work in a place that pumped out Muzak for their employees and stored everything on paper and in huge filing cabinets. The amount of time it would take to find a client's information when they called in was astonishing to me. How do you search for something without typing it into a database?? And it was straight up sales... they weren't helping people with a huge decision in life, they were selling people to other people, just to hit their numbers.

And as I walked to the train on that cold January afternoon, feeling like this job hunting thing wasn't quite the adventure I thought it could be, I remembered one thing.

It's 2010, not 1993 anymore. I immediately grabbed my brand new smart phone, called my friends, and told them about how I wasn't going to be a professional matchmaker, but I was thinking about blogging about my job hunting experience instead. On this thing called the internet, that you can get to on computers. And then I suggested we go to a bar that weekend, where I get to play wingwoman... a much better role than matchmaker, if you ask me.

And I moved onward and upward...to a brief phone interview that asked the one question you never expect to hear... outside of the Mob, that is.

Heading out into the jungle

Hello world.

Yes, I am jumping to the conclusion that the entire world is reading this. Or will be shortly.

Let me start my blogging experience by explaining why I have joined you here, as a public figure (public icon, perhaps?) on the world wide web. I was laid off from my job mid-January. Wah wah wah, I know. But here's the real point. Since then, I have obviously been searching for jobs all over the internet, applying for the ones that strike my fancy, and even interviewing for some. And through this grandiose experience, oh-so-many stories have come about. And I decided it's not fair to keep these experiences to myself, especially when there are probably many other people out there who can relate. So I come here today to share my experiences with you. I don't know if it will make you laugh, make you feel like you're not alone, make you worry about the state of the economy and let's face it, the whole world, or just make you glad you're not going through this. None of that even matters. What matters is that I have had some ridiculous job hunting experiences and it's time to take them to the web.

And so it begins with my pursuit to be a matchmaker...