Ok, I'm sorrrrrry.
I totally lied. You know, back in October, as in the October that took place in 2010. When I said I was back. Yeah, whoooops. Fail.
Listen, I had every intention of being back, I promise (really, Lorah, I did! I want you to pee your pants!!). But I totally got freaked out about the whole Orwell-1984 thing and stopped. This is because about a month and half after I posted that, they had layoffs here. Now, let's look back on my track record with layoffs...
Round one, I quit my job 3 days before they laid off a shit ton of people. I probably wouldn't have gotten laid off ironically, but that's because I was cheating the system without knowing I was cheating the system, and therefore I looked effing fantastic at the job and people thought I was going somewhere and fast. But I hated my life and I left. Anyways, I still count that as Round One of layoffs because I either missed a great severance package if I was going to get the boot, and I was still unemployed when it happened, so I just talked about it a lot with my coworkers-from-3-days-prior.
Round two, I get the boot. And as we all know, my big mouth and stupid sarcasm set me up for that one. No, I didn't get let go because I sucked and said stupid shit. I got let go because who keeps on the person in charge of recruiting and hiring people when you're getting rid of 50% of the company? However, in a "famous last words" moment, I just happened to say to my coworker, as we walk up to this mystery meeting with a whole lot of other people, "At least we won't be getting fired, since this is half the company!" WRONG. So so wrong.
Round three, holy crap I make the cut! Turns out, making the cut isn't such a breeze either though. Any sense of job security is gone gone gone, and when the higher ups aren't really letting you off without feeling guilty about still having a job, you feel guilty for still having a job. And then a little resentful. And also, since you have a big mouth, you have already told all your coworkers about your history with layoffs and now they're (jokingly) blaming you for bringing it here. Yay! I'm the black hammer of the corporate world (Top Chef reference for the win!).
So anyways, as you can see, I didn't really want to risk this all being discovered and then having the drama and lawsuits and death and everything that could follow such a discovery. We all know I was discovered once before, and while it wasn't pretty, it was only super awkward and not actually a threat to my life, or more realistically, my income.
However, I really am back now. And it's not because I hate my job and need out. I mean, I have bad days here, as anyone would. I'm not really good with the whole corporate, working for the "man" thing to begin with, and since life here can be pretty corporate, that can drive me into a rageful depression. Yes, rageful depression. I think you'll find that while they appear to counter act one another (and one word is basically made up), you know exactly what I mean. Also, this whole corporate thing means that my internet gets blocked sometimes. It used to be all the time, which was hard, but then it was never, which made life great! And then it started getting blocked again. And the rageful depression was back. You don't give someone endless free candy and then suddenly take it away without notice or explanation. I'll tell you right now, if I'm mad about corporate limitations, I'm waaaay less productive than when I have Hulu or Netflix going in a window. Also, my internet buddy at home (aka, the one person within my area who didn't have password-protected wireless) disappeared and I now have nothing. And with a smart phone and a boyfriend who has internet at his place, it's just not worth paying for when you live alone. But blocking sites that involve 'swimsuits and lingerie' (do people really even get excited by those anyways??? Now when there are ten million more websites that are actually there for that purpose??) means I can't buy a strapless bra online for my friend's wedding, and that's hard to do on a phone, and so I get really upset. It's my lunch break, so why the crap can't I do some online shopping?? Uggghhhh.
The point of all that was supposed to be about how I don't hate my job. Whoops. But seriously, I do not hate it. I get to watch Hulu and Netflix while I work for the most part! Who could hate that! And it's a solid, steady income, and there are good people who work here, and we all commiserate over being unhappy at work, so it's totally manageable. There's 8 million other people like me in the world right now. Stupid economy.
But, to end this lengthy post, I really am back and writing. I've realized that I haven't had a purpose for a while now, and I want one. I have one or a few in mind, and I've decided I'm going to attempt to try them out. Which means I am applying for things again. Not very seriously or intensely yet, because this whole job security thing is ridiculously important and I am not willing to voluntarily put myself back into my post-lay-off, job huntressing days just quite yet. But I'm willing to take a look at what options there are and then decide if it's worth the risk. So, that means I'm blogging again! Which makes me happy and hopefully makes some of you happy too.
And that's all for now. Next time, I'll fill you in on my purpose ideas a little bit. And also let you know how my two attempts at finding that purpose are going (I'm still in limbo with those currently).
And if I don't get back at this soon, it means I'm a lazy nimrod and you need to harass me about it!
