Alright, so I mentioned I was silenced at work and then I disappeared from here too. Which is really kind of what I usually do these days. I'll tell you why I'm so crappy at writing, guys. I am in a job huntressing RUT.
All I want is a new job. A job in a specific industry. A job I'd be good at, be valued at, I'd grow at, and I'd work my butt off for because I'd want to.
And yet, finding that job? Not so easy. This isn't something I can successfully apply for and interview for, and just take a few months to make happen. Nonononono. That's how you end up in my current job! This is something I need to network my booty off to make happen. And networking isn't always a speedy process whatsoever. And networking also means blogs that complain about and bash jobs and interviews and companies, no matter how funny or ridiculous the situations were, shouldn't be popping up all over the World Wide Web. However, I will obviously make exceptions when stupid shit happens and I can't keep it to myself.
So, I just kind of let time (SLOWLY) pass. This is the phase of my career I like to call Tolerating. I am simply tolerating where I am at right now, knowing that someday that all will change.
And I seriously need to remind myself sometimes of why I am lucky to be in a position to do that. So, since we just had the lovely American holiday of Thanksgiving this past week, and we only ever want to focus on that holiday as a time to give thanks and not as the historical awkwardness that it really was, AND because I feel like I should point out what makes my life ok before I go on a tangent about how RIDICULOUS the company that currently owns me is sometimes, here are reasons I am thankful I can tolerate my job(s) currently:
1). I have a steady job with steady pay that allows me to live in an expensive city that I just so happen to love.
2). I have health/dental/life benefits with said job.
3). I have an easy commute with a work schedule I am currently very content with (though it might soon change, and not by choice, and you can bet your bottom dollar there will be another post if that happens).
4). I can watch all the Doctor Who I want while I'm at work. You guys! I. am. SO. OBSESSED.
5). My first job allows (well, "allow" meaning the time frame I work during, not exactly a "knowing allowance" by the company) me to have my second job, which, for the most part, keeps me sane.
6). My second job is on the right path toward what I actually want to be doing with my life and is a great stepping stone (or hopefully will be when I look back from my "Happily Ever After" career in the future).
And that is what I am thankful for in my work life at the moment. Yes, it's boring and a little depressing to only see those subjects currently, and not "I feel so challenged" or "I am given so many opportunities to move forward in my career," but, because this is the Tolerating phase, I'll take it for now!
And now on to what I will NOT tolerate.
Here's a little tidbit of information about me. When I get it in my head that something's important to me, I get crazy, seriously passionate about it and then I ABSOLUTELY MUST spread that passion to anyone else who is remotely close to me in any way. This is why Facebook is dangerous for a person like me (as any of my friends who are annoyed with my political posts and links can attest to). And yes, because I run by emotions, it's hard for me, when I'm told I'm wrong about something I'm passionate about, to not take that personally. As I so eloquently put it this past weekend at home when a few friends and I were talking politics and one person said she wanted to learn the facts, I said, "I don't give facts, I only give opinions." And this really is true (so I probably need to stop pretending that I am giving out cold hard facts when it's clearly my opinionated version of the facts).
Anyways, for the past few years I have taken it upon myself to supply red ribbons for those around me who are interested and raise money for an AIDS foundation on World AIDS Day (December 1st). Actually, this really started after I read the play "The Baltimore Waltz" by Paula Vogel in my directing class with Norma in college, and we had big ole discussions on the subject, which just so happened to fall around World AIDS Day that year. So big shoutout to that!
Last year, it was seriously depressing. I didn't really know the people I worked with very well at that point, and when I mentioned my fundraiser to my then manager, I was told it's not really allowed because it's not something that's affiliated with the company (??). So I had to do it all very hush-hush, and it just sort of killed the whole thing. No one really knew about it or felt inclined to participate, and you basically had to be all sneaky about donating any money. I think I ended up donating a lot more on my own than I would have, just because I was embarrassed of how poorly I pulled the whole thing off, so I guess that's probably a good thing in the end. But it was sad to watch it all go down at the time. And yes, obviously, I took that personally. Passion = Personal. (TM that shit!)
However, this year, I have been determined to do it all entirely differently. I'm tech savvy now (hello! I'm blogging guys!) and I know about this fancy thing called PayPal that allows people to donate money when they're not right next to you handing you cash! It's a miracle! So, in order to get the ball rolling, I sent out an email to family and friends, I'm working on a Facebook post about it, and I emailed my coworkers. And because, in the past year, I've received a lot of emails at work about coworkers' personal things, like band performances and catalog sales and the like, I assumed it'd be fine to give brief notice about what I was planning on doing.
NO. IT. WAS. NOT.
Apparently, what I did was very much against policy and now I'm in trouble for it. UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. I think it's just a warning about trouble, and not actual trouble with consequences, but still. I cannot believe that what I'm doing by emailing (the coworkers I actually know personally) about this is actually so horrible that I need to receive a warning for my behavior. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? YOU CAN BET I VIEW THIS AS PERSONAL.
And yes, it is reeeeaaallllyyy hard to stop myself from jumping up and screaming "HATE CRIME!!!" at the top of my lungs right now.
Because I know that would be uncalled for and jumping to conclusions and, dare I say, dramatic? And also, well, completely wrong.
All I'm saying, in order to make this okay, everyone else who ever sent out an email about something unrelated to work that involved giving coworkers information about that unrelated-to-work-thing and allowing them to make a decision if they want to partake in it or not better have received that same damn notice as well!!!!!! I realize that yes, what I did was probably against policy. BUT if there's a policy, you cannot only enforce it on occasion! Otherwise, you run into a whole other issue when you only choose to do it in a situation that involved a very stigmatized disease (ie, me making a big ole fuss about discrimination).
In the meantime, I'm still determined to make this year the best year yet for spreading awareness and raising money, even if my place of work wants to spit in the face of anyone who has ever been impacted by the horrible disease that is HIV/AIDS. That wasn't too dramatic, was it? Also, will this blog hold up as evidence in a court of law when I bring about the discrimination case? And don't give me any crap about how I'm already losing that battle since what I did was against the policy that I agreed to follow. Tomato, tomato (yeeeaaah, that doesn't really work in blog form, does it?).
So, if you're my Facebook friend, look for something today or tomorrow about how to donate if you're interested. And if you're a currently in-person friend, and I'm going to see you before Friday afternoon, let me know if you want to donate or would like a red ribbon to wear on Thursday. And if you're my coworker, be real sneaky about everything on Thursday (and I also hope you're not tattling on me to people at work, because I'm not really writing this with the idea that coworkers are reading it unless they share my opinions. So if that's not you, this isn't me writing it and this isn't about your company and you're totally wrong in your assumptions. These aren't the droids you're looking for). And if you're a total stranger, send me a message or comment so that I can get you the info without giving my secret identity away (ha ha) and getting fired for calling my office bigoted and discriminatory. Yay!
Spread the word, people, and let's do our part toward ending the stigma and destroying this disease.
