I'm baaaaccckkkk!!!

Shalom peoples!

So, before you get all concerned and think, oh shit, she's lost her job... I haven't.

Nope, I'm not actually job huntressing. Sorry to disappoint. However, I'm back here because it turns out my job makes for some good blogging as much as my joblessness did!

You guys, I work for Big Brother.

Have you ever read 1984, by George Orwell? If you haven't, what the crap is wrong with you?? Go out, buy it, and read it. Best. Book. Ever. Seriously, it's fantastic. However, living in a world like that one is not ideal. That's why it's called a dystopia. Not a utopia.

And to a certain extent, that's where I'm living. During the daytime at least. But it does a much better job of disguising itself as normal.

Ok, just to let you all know, I've never worked for a corporation before. Ok, CB was a corporation, but I was in and out of there too quickly to really notice. So, maybe this is just normal? I don't really know. All I know is that it's strraanngge.

Here's a list of the Big Brother moments:

--"Security" cameras all over the place... that have a view of every single cubicle in the office.
--Extreme blockage of the internet. But weirdly, like you can visit a magazine site that's all about celebrities, and you can watch YouTube videos, but I can't go to mylifetime.com. Yes, the women's TV channel. And I only tried it because I wanted to watch a Project Runway episode. However, why is that blocked for "entertainment purposes' but YouTube is not??
--Politic pushing.
--Politic pushing by installing gigantic speakers to broadcast the head guy's speech throughout the office.

And that's just a small taste.

So here's the thing. I need my job. I don't mind my department, the people I work with, or what I do. But the whole corporate, extremist (in my opinion) attitude of the whole place is ridiculous sometimes. Basically, the point is, I want to share the details of the crazy, but I also want to keep my job. So my writing style's going to have to change a little. I'm going to give less details and be more cryptic at times. I'm also going to be writing less frequently than I used to (before the Big Break) because I can't do this at work and I am the cheapo who doesn't have internet at home except for when I can "borrow" it. Which is rare, because apparently no one wants to share their internet with strangers.

But, nonetheless, I'M BACK and it feels so good!!!

Also, I'm going to try to write about more things in general, not just job-related. Like someday I'll tell you all the story about my neighbor, Dr. Creepo. Awkward, hilarious shit happens to me all the time, and it's really not fair to keep it just to myself (HA. Because I never immediately call people or email them to tell them what just happened! Hahahaha).

So, on that note, this is hello and goodbye for now. I'm off to the ballet (for real).

Hope you're as happy to see me as I am to be back! Can't wait to share more about the corporate creepiness soon too!

Oh, and I totally found $5 on the sidewalk today! It's a good day, ya'll!

Rockin' the Suburbs!

So, I ended up going to that interview.

And yes, I feel shady about it.

But, in my own defense, I kind of forgot to cancel it and felt it was better to just go than to cancel last minute.

Yep, that's a weak defense.

Anyways, it's keeping this blog going for the time being, so I guess no one can complain (except the company, for me having wasted their time, though they don't really know it).

So, in order to prepare myself for this interview, I did nothing. Literally, it was at 1:30 on Wednesday, and I probably got out of bed at 11am, showered at 11:30, and then realized at 12:15, 15 minutes before I planned on leaving, that I hadn't printed out and filled in the application they had emailed me, nor printed out a fresh copy of my resume.

Instead of doing all of that, I just printed out the application and threw it in my bag, then grabbed an older version of my resume that I already had a copy of and brought that with me. We were off to a good start!

Of course I get on the road late, so I now have 45 minutes to get out to this office in the 'burbs, but since Google says 35 minutes total without traffic and it's the middle of the afternoon, I assume I'm fine.

Yeah, I forgot that I get lost. Always. No matter if I have the directions on my phone right in front of me. If I were smart, I'd get a GPS system, but I'm cheap, so my phone is the big step up from the old post-it note method I used before I got the phone (seriously, I couldn't waste the paper or the time printing out directions, so I'd copy them on a post-it. And you're wondering why I get lost so much?). I of course drive past the building (thanks to the INCORRECTNESS of Google maps!) and then for some reason I am literally stuck in stand-still traffic. No idea why. I had the feeling I drove past the building already (booyah women's intuition!), so I turn left out of the traffic, see that a construction truck has stopped the cars completely to work on something and am immediately glad I moved, then drive back through side roads and watch the building numbers go back down toward the number I was looking for. I pull in two minutes after the interview was supposed to start, with a non-filled-out application in my bag, and unbelievable congested from allergies.

The woman who I had been speaking with over the phone comes down to meet me, and I hate to say it because it shows how damn judgmental I am (ok, I don't know why I hate to say it because I'm pretty sure this blog has outed me on that big time already), but she was much dorkier looking than I had expected. Like, would fit right in with the company I worked with in Madison, where people thought sweatpants were appropriate work attire because they were not jeans. But she was super nice, and totally fine with me both being late and not having the application filled out. I started out my interview filled with lies by saying I found printer paper right before I left.

And I don't like to lie in interviews. Ever. I mean, I'll extend the truth or I'll be polite, but I don't flat out lie.

I lied about everything.

She takes me to the office, and it's a huge room that seems to be filled with empty cubicles. It's in the suburbs, a bitch of a drive away from my current apartment and would be even worse if/when I move closer to the city and the lake in the fall, and there's no one there. Swwwweeeeetttt.

(Side note: I'm in a coffee shop right now, and some guy next to meet is doing some weird exercises with a man who seems to be a mattress salesman. They're talking about magnetics. Ummm... WTF?)

Anywho, we go into an office where I can hear every single word, and loudly, of the party in the next room. Or at least that's what it seemed to be. And it was Cinco de Mayo, so it probably was. Hey, nerdy insurance people like to party too!

I'm talking over them about my past experiences, and telling her I still haven't heard back from the other company yet (LIES!) so I have nothing going on currently. It seems to be going fine, and we're getting along great...

(Second side note: SHIT. I feel bad. Turns out that the sales man guy, who just stood up to leave and I was about to make fun of him...in my head... for carry his samples or whatever in a big backpack, is BLIND. Oops. I suck.)

...and the job itself seems alright. I mean, besides the location, it seems to pay well, they work 37.5 hour work weeks but get paid for the typical 40 hour one, have good holiday and vacation times, and, judging from the sounds of the partying next door, is enjoyed by the employees. So, maybe I shouldn't have written it off immediately?

She then lets me know that she's going to have two people who hold the position I was interviewing for come in and talk to me about it. So these two come in, and the dorky status of the company skyrockets. I mean, it seemed like I was talking to two people who lived for their job. And they both said that they hang out with the other people in the position all the time. Like carpooling, eating lunch, going out at night hanging out. Don't get me wrong, that's all fun and games in some companies, but for me, who would be coming from the city and trying to maintain a life in theatre in the evenings, it sounded like I would never join in with them and be flagged as a snob. Which I totally am, but who wants to be known as one by other people?? Not to mention, everyone's lack of style was scaring me.

So, we talk about the position and it still sounds fine. I tried to crack a few jokes, but no one seemed on board, so I stopped trying to be cute and funny and just listened. And got bored. Oof.

So they leave, and the woman comes back, and says she wants me to meet her boss now. Obviously, this means the interview is going well. I'm envisioning this big sales-y guy (since he was the head of the salespeople as well as the recruiters) who had intimidated everyone into talking about how great he is. Seriously, all three of the people I spoke with raved about how great, and caring, and welcoming, and everything else rainbows and sunshine that he was. Which means, he's probably scary and fake nice to everyone, and has eyes everywhere so you have to talk kindly of him at all times.

We walk into his office, and there I stand, face to face,

With a little Jewish man in round glasses.

Seriously. You know, Schindler's List? What am I saying, of course you know Schindler's List! Who wouldn't?? It's my annual Easter movie. Anyways, this man was Ben Kingsley's character, Stern. I swear.

So, I sit down, ready to talk about my experience, and he tells me he doesn't want to interview me really, but wants to make sure I understand the position because they want somebody who is right for it and will like it and who won't want to leave after a few months. Well, duh. And honestly, that's not really me. Buuuuttt, why would I ever tell him that?? So I listen to him go on and on about the job and company, which I have now heard about waaay too many times, and because I stereotyped him as Jewish (and rightly so, but I'll get to that in a minute), it's hysterical to hear him talk about how great something is and then IMMEDIATELY contradict that by saying it's hard, or it's not always fun. I mean, it was like talking to a quite, polite, soft-spoken Gollum. Hi-larious.

So, when he finally asks me a few questions, he lets me know he's concerned about my location because of the commute and how that might be discouraging. I assure him it wasn't bad driving there and since I can mainly avoid the highway, it doesn't seem like an issue at all (LIES!). Then he asks me about any vacations they should know about ahead of time. So, even though I wouldn't have wanted to bring this up in an interview, he asked and I had a feeling he'd get it. And he did. I asked if he was familiar with Birthright and he said very familiar. Of course. His son went on it and who knows, maybe he donates. We talked about Israel for a bit, and he totally opened up, probably because he knew I was one of the Chosen People now, so we were basically family.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention! Remember how I said I had horrible allergies when I got there? Well, when I was talking to the other people, I literally couldn't breathe through my nose. Which was awesome. But not as awesome as when I was talking to Schindler's Stern and my nose decided that was the perfect time to start running! Well I didn't want to whip out a Kleenex right then, so I tried to subtly sniffle it back in, which didn't work. So then I tried to casually wipe at it with my hand. Also didn't work, and kind of made things more awkward. So instead, I sat there with my head slightly tilted to the side, hoping it was actually dripping out of my nose.

I am a CLASS ACT.

Anyways, after all that fun, I finished the application and took off, spending the rest of the afternoon in a suburban Target, shopping with mother/nannies and small children, one of which (mother or nanny, not a small child) was actually wearing the Sketcher's Shape-Ups or whatever they're called. Aka, Frankenstein shoes. Oof. Thanks for reminding me why I like living in the young professionals-filled neighborhood in the city, Mrs. Suburban Mom!

Then today, I see I have a voicemail but no missed call for some reason. I listen to the voicemail, and it's the lady from the interview, asking me to call her back.

I immediately get nervous. Like really nervous. I don't know what to say to her! Do I wait until they offer me a position to tell them I already took one?? Do I just say it right away? How do I say it? I have to lie again, but I don't want to and I'm convinced I'm going to be caught! Shit.

So, after listening to that at 12:30, I spent the next 3 hours on the couch watching the Kardashians (The three sisters were in a big fight and poor Kim was being picked on!! I felt for her. It was a good episode.), then went to the gym til 4:30, showered and at 5:12 realized their days end at 5:15 there and I hadn't called her back yet! Shit. I don't want to drag this out another day!

So I call her back, of course get her voicemail which makes things more awkward for me, and leave a rambling uncomfortable message. Seriously, it was ROUGH. I said her call never registered for some reason and I just now listened to her voicemail because I was running around all day (LIES!), and that I was just offered the other position today and am thinking about taking it (LIES!), and mainly because of the location (TRUTH!), and that she can call me back if she has any questions or anything, but it was a great company and it was great meeting them and again, she can call me back if she wants to talk about anything further, but if I don't here from her after this, again, it was great meeting her.

Oof.

And that was that. I ended it all with an awkward, and somewhat cowardly voicemail (since I didn't have the balls to say I took the other job and I start on Monday!). I'm assuming she won't call me back. If she does, it's gonna be even more awkward, so I'm actually really really hoping she doesn't. I'm sure you all kind of want her to, but seriously, that's too much awkwardness, even for me.

So, there you go. My special interview just for the blog, and for all of you. I hope you enjoyed it. And don't worry, I've come up with a plan to continue this and it's in the works. I'll let you know shortly what new stories you will be able to look forward to reading! Also, I'll probably tell you about how I submitted this as a writing sample for a website. But not yet. It's too soon for that one.

It's not the end after all!

April Showers Bring May Flowers!

Ok, so that title is not only cheesy, but it also should include January, February, and March with those April showers, because it wasn't just April bringing out the cloudy days. Nonetheless, it's fitting.

I got a job, bitches!!

Booyah!

And before we get to the sad, sappy, 'what to do with this!' part of this post, let's all rejoice for a few minutes! I am going to be making money again, meaning I can push selling my body for cash waaaaaayy back down the desperation list. I'm going to be occupied during the weekdays, meaning I won't be drinking alone all summer long when there's no one around to keep me company. I can finally go back to splitting who pays for dinner with the boy-o, and feel independent again (ok, this one's a little sad, since I like independence, but I also like lots of free meals!). I can afford an apartment, and not only the one I live in, but also a future one when my lease is up (provided I'm not unemployed again come this fall). I can get groceries! I can put gas in my car! I can purchase more work-appropriate clothes! I can afford allergy medicine and Kleenex so that I don't have to sniffle constantly anymore! I get to learn new things! I get to meet new people! I can feel like my life has a purpose again! Joy! Joy!

Ok, done rejoicing. I am very happy about this. If you couldn't tell.

The best part about this job is that it seems like a young, fun company; the position feels like it's going to be challenging in a good way; it's located downtown in the west loop area; and they are still hiring me even though I'm leaving for two weeks to go to Israel! That's the best part. I was getting really worried that someone would actually like me, offer me a job, and then when I'd tell them about Israel, drop me immediately. So, to already know that's not happening is AWESOME.

However, there are a few stipulations. It's a temp-to-perm position, so all this talk about being employed and having a job is kind of maybe not exactly true. I mean it is, because I have to do something to royally eff things up in order to not move into a permanent role there, or I might just end up hating it and decide not to take a permanent role, but there's still a chance that I struggle to succeed, or they just dislike me, or something along those lines, and then I'm out and back here once again! So that's a little scary. But, making a BIG personality twist and turn here, I'm staying optimistic and thinking that if it doesn't work out, I'll know before Israel (I guess that will be a good time in my training to evaluate me anyways, as the staffing lady put it when I told her), I'll have made some money for a month or two, and since I've done this unemployment thing for a while now, I can just start over when I get back in the country and it won't be that scary next time around. Especially since Israel is basically free. Whooo!

Ok, I realize that thinking about all of that at this point, when I don't even start the job for another week, defeats the whole "optimistic" aspect of things, but it's a step!

Anyways, that's the good news. However, the bad news is, I don't know what to do with my blog! Although many people have told me to continue interviewing "just for fun" so that I can still write in here, logically, it just doesn't make sense. Oh, I have no moral issues or anything with applying for and interviewing with other companies, but timewise, when would I do it? I can't exactly take off work to go to an interview just to write a blog 8 people read and that does nothing for my income. And I highly doubt companies would schedule after-work interviews for me, or see me on the weekend. Plus, if they did, how exhausting would that be?? Or if I used my lunch break to do it?? Oof. I tell you what, you figure out a way for me to start earning money from this blog, and we can talk about using my lunch breaks for fake interviews. I mean, at least the fact that having a job means less time at the gym wouldn't really be a big deal if I were doing that! Kidding, kidding. I would still be eating. I love food way to much to give it up just for a blog!

Anyways, I have an interview scheduled for Wednesday this week, out in the 'burbs, and you'll be happy to know that I haven't canceled it yet. Not because I want the job at all... since it sounds super sales-y and it's also IN THE SUBURBS!... but because it's one last interview I could potentially get a good story out of! And I am considering doing that, for you guys. Well, and also because I have nothing to do this week anymore, since everyone else still works and can't hang out, and because I don't have to spend the days looking online for Craigslist gems! So, if you think I should go on this interview, you should speak up or forever hold your peace. It's a 30 minute drive and a big effort from me, so I'm leaning towards NO no no no no, but I MIGHT be able to be persuaded. And you have about 30 minutes to let me know, since I need to get back to the woman earlier rather than later. Go!

Also, I need feedback on where I should take this blog next. I don't want to be done with it, but I don't want to trash my new place of employment, and I also have realized that the theatre world is way too small of a place for me to be able to freely speak about audition experiences without blacklisting myself forever (I've learned my lesson once, thanks to an earlier post and a-not-so-regulated-reader-base). So, what should I write about next? I can't be a man-huntress either, thanks to Big Time Timmy Jim (anyone catch that reference? anyone??). So, do I write about train encounters, hoping for awkward ones? Do I talk about the moments I make a fool of myself in public (which kind of happens a lot)? What shall I doooooo?? I'm also going to take a moment to give Drew a nice shoutout here, since he forwards me potential writing gigs, which is something I would never think of doing without that encouragement. So thanks Drewskizzle, and I'll let you all know when I get published in something! Hahaha. Oooh, maybe I can just write about my awkward attempts to find a freelance writing gig on top of my new job!? Since that's kind of still jub huntressing! Right??

Anyways, I'll leave it at that, but I'm expecting feedback this time. Otherwise, who knows when I'll be writing again! And who can handle facing that unknown! Yeah, I didn't think so!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

OUTRAGEOUS!

Remember that email I copied on here last week?? Meaning, the one in the post right below this one??

Well, that was the end of that correspondence.

BUT..........

I was doing the usual, applying all over the internet yesterday, Craigslist included. And I see a posting for a receptionist position with a vet clinic downtown. Ummmm, awesome! I can work with dogs but can't end up adopting all of them at the end of the day like I probably would if I volunteered at a shelter like I want to do?? Yes please!

So I apply, including a cute and witty sentence in my cover letter...again... but this time about how I know they said they wanted someone who loves animals so that they could talk to the owners about their pets in their job post, but I hope they don't mind someone who will talk to the pets as well, as I'm the girl who stops to say hi to a dog out on a walk! Hahahahaha. Sooooo funny, am I right?

Anyways, I send it off, pretty much completely hopeless because it's Craigslist and nothing ever comes of it. But hey, maybe this will be the one!

Along with that hopelessness, I apparently was also completely clueless.

Let me show you the response I got:

Great news!


We've taken some time to look through the applications. And we've decided to make you a part of our staff. We'd love for you to come in for an interview.


We are still REQUIRED to run credit and background checks on all our employees. This is because we have a lot of private and sensitive information lying around in our office, and the nature of the work itself.


Visit this link to get the credit report; it's free of course. Simply email us the verification number--we don't require you to send us your private info via email. But we WILL need your verification number to set up your interview. The BG check will be done in person.


E-mail me if you have any questions. Look forward to seeing you soon!

--

Angela Franklin, Manager

Marvin DVM

angela@marvindvm.com

www.marvindvm.com

I AM NOT KIDDING!!!

Word for fricking word. And I highly suggest you check out the website from my previous post and this one, just so you can see what FAKE COMPANIES look like. This one is especially great because of all the cute pictures of animals, as if they really are a vet's office, but yet the Contact Us section is mysteriously "under construction."

WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO CONTACT YOU EVEN IF FOR SOME ODD REASON YOU DON'T HAVE AN OFFICE LOCATION YET IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY A REAL COMPANY???

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I haven't decided if I want to respond to this one or not. I kind of want to forward the one from "Diego" as a response and have the subject heading be "CAUGHT RED HANDED" or something like that.

But I probably won't. I may report them both to Craigslist as a scam though. But I probably won't do that either.

I'd rather just continue to look for a job, and a real one at that.

Craigslist, you are this close to my shitlist right now....

¡Viva España!

Still no news about the job. Looks like I'm not going to get word until next week now. The suspense is KILLING ME.

BUT, I need to update you on that soccer club job I applied for.

Granted, I didn't think I had much of a chance of getting something good out of it because it was on Craigslist and I wrote that ridiculously-cheerleader-like rhetorical question in the middle of my cover letter. However, I did not actually think it would be a sketchy gig.

Silly, silly me.

Anyways I got this emailed response today:

Great news!


We've taken some time to look through the applications. And we've decided to make you a part of our staff. We'd love for you to come in for an interview.


We are still REQUIRED to run credit and background checks on all our employees. This is because we have a lot of private and sensitive information lying around in our office, and the nature of the work itself.


Visit this link to get the credit report; it's free of course. Simply email us the verification number--we don't require you to send us your private info via email. But we WILL need your verification number to set up your interview. The BG check will be done in person.


E-mail me if you have any questions. Look forward to seeing you soon!
--
Diego Juarez
www.childsoccerpros.com
diego@childsoccerpros.com

Let me just point out of all of issues with this email...

1. The first paragraph. All of it. They've looked through all the applications (it was posted two days ago, so I'm assuming, based on the state of unemployment in Chicago right now, more people are applying every minute still). They then decided to make me a part of their staff. And now they want to interview me. But why would you interview me if I'm already a part of the staff?? That just seems redundant!

2. I'm going to switch up the way this was written, because I think the emphasis belongs on a different word here. "We are STILL required to run credit and background checks..." I'm sorry, but that word "still" seems to scream WE'VE HIRED SKETCHY PEOPLE BEFORE AND IT IS STILL AN ISSUE!!

2b. Let's talk about credit checks for a moment. I have been asked to do one for a job interview so far in my months of huntressing. I think it's weird to begin with, since my credit has nothing to do with my capability to succeed at a job, but I guess I get it? Plus, that one was for a bank. And then they hired internally, so I never got the credit check anyways. I have barely any credit to begin with, so credit checks are not only pointless to do on me but also hurt me more than someone with a lot of credit. So thanks, but no thanks.

2c. Now let's relate this credit check to the position I applied for. A reception position, in which the description stated the duties were (also a direct quote) "setting appointments, taking phone calls and performing other administrative work." No working with cash, no relation to money at all. And what's this 'sensitive' information that's lying around the office and how come a background check doesn't cover that? Weeeiiirrddd.

3. What's up with linking me to a site for a "free" credit check and then telling me they need my verification number in order to set up the interview. And why the generic email to tell me all this? Why not talk to me over the phone for a minute and then decide on the next step?? COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!

Anyways, because I've got nothing to lose here, and this is obviously an email they send out to every applicant because they're probably not a real company and they're just trying to steal your identity (the website they gave me the link for just furthers this thought), I thought, well, how about I send a response, since I'm sure this is a valid email address for an actually employee of a real life soccer club!

So, this is what I sent him:

Diego,

If at all possible, I would love to come in for an interview prior to having a credit check ran. Because it can affect my credit, I'd rather do it as a last step in the interview process, where I'll have a better sense of the position and your company, and you'll have a better sense of how well I fit into the position.

Please let me know if that is possible, and if so, I'd love to schedule an interview for next week!

Thank you

Guaranteed that's the end of our communicating right there.

But, if not, you know I'll be letting you know. I'm HOPING this turns into an actual interview, just because it would end up being a kick ass story for this blog. Even if I'm employed by then, I'd totally still do it. Just for you!

Ummmm... PS. Spain's my World Cup team. If you couldn't figure it out. Now let's all send healing thoughts to Fernando Torres so he can play this summer!!!

"Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound."

So, apparently I'm working faster than the speed of light here.

Read: I have nothing to do.

I'm on my second to last day temptressing (!!! My friend Laura coined that term, and I totally owe her for it, since it's kind of genius AND I was looking for a different way of saying 'temp' since I am saying it allllll the time right now!) in this office, I'm still waiting to hear back about that real job, and I'm GOING INSANE. I finished all the busywork they gave me, and now I'm just sitting here, waiting for the phone to ring.

This is what I have accomplished today so far:
A) Caught up on reading my favorite blog (shoutout to The Frisky!)
B) Applied for a receptionist position with a soccer agency/club... and yes, I am at the point in my job hunt where I am taking risks and by that I mean I, and I quote, wrote "Who else is looking foward to this summer's World Cup??" in my cover letter
C) Looked at apartments on craigslist, you know, to prepare myself for my move in FIVE MONTHS
D) Played multiple games of solitaire online
E) Visited Facebook more times than I wish to share
F) Looked at upcoming auditions and determined that I can't audition for any and therefore wasted a dollar to look at that info on the website
G) Updated my resume
H) And now, I have completed a new blog post.

And this is what I have discovered about myself:

While I am extremely lazy and I like to lay around and watch TVDs(©) (Yes, I just copied the copywrite symbol in here to claim I own the word TVD, which I did in fact make up and will tell everyone when it becomes common knowledge... or else I will really own it when my book of this blog is published) or read or play Tetris on my phone, I also apparently need brain stimulation to get me through a day.

Don't worry though, I don't need much! Filing hundreds papers alphabetically, for instance, is enough brain stimulation to keep me occupied for a day and a half, happy as a lark. Which, getting back to why I work at the speed of light here, was thought to be enough to occupy me all week. But I am too anal rententive and organized and therefore I totally schooled them and got it done as fast as I could! So, HA!

Except the joke's on me. Because, while they love me and now probably want me to temp for them everytime they need someone, I hope to have a permanent job before they would need me again, so all my sucking up was (or hopefully will be) pointless.

Ok, I wasn't really sucking up, I was just doing my work. But that equals the same thing here?

Anyways, my point is, I have nothing to do, the phone hasn't rang once as I've typed this all out, and my Pandora isn't even making things that much better. I'm really just writing now in order to keep myself occupied. I have nothing else to say. I'm just THAT BORED.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I actually do like this place, though it takes me back to my days working in Madison at an office filled with old, overweight ladies who thought business casual = no jeans = totally acceptable to wear sweatpants. This place is more Chicago than that, but it's got a similar vibe. Still, it's not too bad and it's nice to have a job and to be getting a paycheck, no matter the size at this point. But, I would take a cabinet of papers to be alphabetized or a busy phone line or A PERSON TO TALK TO any day.

And on that note, I think I'm going to go check and see if there's a new blog post on thefrisky.com or if someone posted something on Facebook and there's something new on my news feed! Joy.

Let's hope I'm back on here tomorrow with glorious news about my job situation...

"If you can talk it, you can sing it! You can lay down the rhythm and bring it!"

Okay, I'm sorry I've been MIA.

Really, not writing in here has been killlllliiinnnggg me. When you've got nothing but yourself and a computer to keep you company all day long, you get lonely. And when you get lonely, you want to talk to your friends. And when your friends all have jobs and can't talk to you at 1:42pm on a Tuesday afternoon, you turn to your blog for comfort.

Except here's the conundrum... I'm on hold about a job. And when I'm on hold about a job, I don't write about it. I don't want to risk a thing and I definitely don't want to jinx anything. And I am ALWAYS concerned about jinxing things... it's probably my number one concern in life. Seriously.

Anyways, because of that, I've kept my little mouth... or, I guess, my fingers... shut. But now it's been over a week and I just can't do it anymore!

So, while I'm still going to keep mum about my interviews with the company until I know whether or not they liked me (and yes, this is the infamous group interview I mentioned earlier. You'll be happy to know I made it to round two! And, of course, there were many awkward moments caused by yours truly that I am waiting patiently to pass on to you.), I can talk about the other aspects of my huntressing.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Anyways, I'm currently temping. Not with the same agency as before, this time with the one that hooked me up with the interview that I'm still waiting on hearing back about. They had a receptionist gig open up for this week and since they knew I wouldn't hear back til the end of the week, and if I got the gig, it would start for a week or two more, they hooked me up. Sweet deal. I have an income for a week! I can pay my cable bill (oh shoot, I need to do that today).

Before I talk about my temping joys, let me talk about my week of job huntressing prior to having something to do during the days.

Aka, "The Lonely Time in the 80 Degree Weather."

I know, poor poor me, right? I was not working when it was basically summer in Chicago last week, and had to spend my days outside, sipping iced tea and beer while I frequented the online job boards.

MY LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE YOU GUYS.

Ok, so that's a lie. It kind of rocked. I mean, I didn't have anything to do last week til Friday, and that's when it got cool again. Talk about timing.

However, in my defense, let me put you in my shoes for a moment. And not the horrible, bloody heels that ripped up my poor feet (and I mean literally, as I have like 7 scars on each to prove it) as I made the stupid decision not to bring flats with me when I had to walk 8 blocks and I knew they didn't fit correctly. Here's a not-so-helpful tip... Dunkin Donuts napkins do not make them fit much better at all, they just stick out of the sides awkwardly while you trudge through the wind like a hairy troll because it's of course the one day you decided to wear your hair down in over a week and it's the WINDY CITY (and yes, I know that's not why it's called that, but it FITS. So there.)

Anyways, not those shoes. You can try on the flip flops I wore to the bar Thursday afternoon. And yes I said the bar. This is why, though I totally got to enjoy the weather and I have the farmer's tan to prove it, it wasn't all that fun.

I was the girl at the bar on Thursday at 3pm drinking a beer alone, with her computer.

LOSER.

Not to mention, possibly borderline alcoholic, because who drinks alone while job hunting on a weekday afternoon??

Well I do. And I did it because I couldn't find one damn coffee shop within a reasonable walking distance from my apartment that a) had outdoor seating, b) had free wifi, and c) was in the sun. And C wasn't even that important. So, I see that Potbellys has outdoor seating and I stop in to check out the wifi situation. They say it's pretty easy to pick up signals, especially if you're outside, so I buy myself a milkshake, get all situated, and pop open the laptop. And proceed to pick up not a single signal. Well crap. Luckily, I just kept trying stuff out and ended up getting one that was relatively strong. So the milkshake wasn't all for nothing.

Well, as I'm sitting there, still this other place's internet, and the sun ducks behind the building, I look over to the place I'm picking up the signal from. And it's like a mecca, glowing in the sun across the street, lots of outdoor tables, wide open windows, just overall summer afternoon weather gloriousness.

But it's a bar.

And it was 1:30pm.

And I was alone.

At 3pm I'm uncomfortable, the internet is dragging, it's not as pleasant in the shade as it was in the sun, and my milkshake is long gone.

So, I decide (and yes, this thought literally went through my head), well, it's 5:00pm somewhere. And I cross the street.

I debated ordering a lemonade for about 4 seconds, until the waitress said Miller was on special for $2.50. And at $2.50 and when you're sitting at a table where you have a devoted server, you don't just order one.

To make it even better, a woman and her toddler daughter decided to grab an early dinner around 4, and chose the table right next to me. I'm the nerdy computer lush. And because the kid was a toddler, you know she's gotta ask the question 'Why?' every two seconds. And you just know she had to ask her mom about me, and why I was there with my computer and what I was doing. Plus, since it was a bar, I didn't think it'd be polite to put in my headphones like I'd do at a coffee shop, so I couldn't even fake that I wasn't able to hear people talking about me.

When you're at a bar with a computer, people definitely talk about you.

Needless to say, you go home feeling a little lonely (and a little buzzed) at the end of it all, wishing you had some unemployed friends. Or at least strippers, who worked the night shift and could spend their days with you. Or something along those lines.

And I couldn't even turn to my bloggy pie (okay, NEVER saying that ever again, I promise. I thought it'd be kind of funny, but it's just really pathetic and kind of horribly disgusting. Therefore, I left it for you all to witness.) because I had nothing interesting to say outside of the things I would end up jinxing by saying them (And yes, I am already convinced I've jinxed everything from these casual references. I told you it was a problem.).

So, anyways, it's nice to be temping this week because of that haunting loneliness drinking alone will bring about. And it's also chillier.

The temp job. It's not too shabby, just incredibly slow. I answer phones and transfer calls. And I have NO IDEA what I am talking about. This office deals with the medical field. Enough said.

So, I fake it, because I'm an awesome actress like that. And I am so cheerful and bubbly and smiley it's nauseating, but it covers up my absolute lack of knowledge. Or at least allows me to present myself as a total ditz, so my lack of knowledge makes sense.

I started last Friday, after getting a call at 9am about taking it on. My first on-call experience as a temp employee! What fun! I get to the office, I'm told what I'm supposed to do with answering the phones in less than 5 minutes, and I'm on my own. Not intimidating at all.

Actually, it wasn't too bad. Outside of the fact that I couldn't access the computer yet, and there for sat there, waiting for the phone to ring, for over 5 hours. Guess how many times it rang!

About once every minute or so??

No way Jose!

At least 50 times through out the afternoon?

Ha.

Cut that in half?

I wish.

10-15 times in a five hour space?

YOU BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR!

You have to understand, the last time I worked in an office where I took incoming calls, I was answering the phone every 30 seconds or so. Just a little bit of a difference there.

It was kind of excruciating. Especially after I finished my book and had two hours left to go. Yes, I was 'able' to read a book (and by 'able', I mean, I was alone the whole time with very few people walking by, so I just did it in order to combat losing my mind. I think they'd rather me keep my senses than take an extra second to grab the phone), so I really can't complain about my job here. But those last few hours just DRAGGED. It was like being in middle school again, waiting for the final bell to ring. It took, as so emphatically stated in the Sandlot, FOR.EV.ER.

Luckily, as you may have figured out, since I am writing a blog on a computer right now, I have access to the computer, and today has gone remarkably faster. Whew.

Too bad I have to take breaks though and take 30 minutes of an unpaid lunch. Seriously, I know no one, this place always seems empty, and I don't have a desk to sit at on my breaks. So you know what I do? I stand awkwardly in the "kitchen"/copy room. Aka, the room with the copy equipment, a fridge, coffee pot, and microwave. No sink, no table, no chairs. Just me, pretending to do something on my phone so I look busy, trying to use up my 15 minute break, wishing I could combine them into one paid 30-minute lunch break so I can work an 8 hour day. I'm going to look into that, actually. The extra twenty-some dollars could go a long way in my life right now.

So, anyways, that's what I have been up to. I can't wait to share the awkward moments I had/witnessed in my group interview, how I talked about thong leotards, my stuttering through conversations, my repeated use of the oh-so-professional word 'awesome' and more details about the high heels! So let's hope I get the job, so I can tell you all about it in a hilarious, upbeat light instead of depressing, cynical gloom.

Oh, let's face it, it'll be cynical either way.

Also, just to keep you salivating, if I do get the job (Oh Jesus, the jinxing fear is getting out of CONTROL right now!!), I have an audition with an awesomely awkward theatre company I've worked with in the past, so you know I'll have stories to share about auditions starting right away!

Plus, I may submit a video for Glee. Hence the South Park quote for a title.

Hahahahahahahaha.

I'll leave you ROTFL, LOLing, and LMAO at that one.

"Soy un perdedor..."

I have been a bbbiiiigggggg hypocrite. Aka, a loser baby. Aka, the Beck lyrics in the title.

So, I've been reading through some of my more recent posts here, and let's just say I am unhappy with the tone of them.

I set out to write this sucker because of the encouragement I was getting from my friends to share the stories I had been telling them about some of the ridiculous interviews I had been going on. Now that I look it over, a few months later, I discovered something.

My hypocrisy.

The last few post have been more about my bitching and moaning, and less about the awkwardness that I bring about in my life sometimes. And I'm not okay with that.

I'm sure you've guessed this already, but I used to be a journal writer. Big shocker, I know, right? Anyways, I would write in my journal about all the crap I was dealing with, but rarely about all the good things that happened in my life. I mean, that's what it's for, isn't it? A private place to vent about the people and places and things that are frustrating you. And I definitely used it for that majority of the time.

And when blogs first came about, and people started writing things for the world to see, especially private and personal things, I was appalled. WHO WOULD DO THAT? Why would you want to publish that stuff for others to read about. I'm telling you, even Anne Frank would have been appalled by the blogging world. She wrote about embarrassing stuff too, and as much as she wanted to be known, I doubt she really wanted people to see the parts where she was pining away for Peter and complaining about all the people she lived behind that bookshelf with! And I can make this assumption because I'm a girl. And (you knew this one was coming) a Jew. And I'm going to Israel this summer, which makes me an even better Jew! But that's another story for another time.

Anyways, my point is, I thought that people bitching and moaning across a blog was ridiculous and disgusting and annoying and I hated those people.

Ruh roh.

I mean, maybe you don't see it as a big whine session as I do, since I'm my toughest critic (and that's not just a saying. For me, that's 100% true). And you've apparently been coming back for more, so I haven't driven you off yet. But I see it as that, especially recently.

And so I apologize. I apologize for making assumptions about things that happen in interviews and interactions with others, and then complaining about how rude and crass and spiteful they were, without really thinking twice about where those things were actually coming from. I apologize for using my own personal anger and frustration with the way my life has been going lately to judge situations I've been lucky to be placed in. I mean, although I've been out of work for 3 months now and I'm at a point where I have to take anything that's offered to me... no matter how low paying or brain-cell-killing it is... I also have had a ton of opportunities to interview for some great jobs (and of course some not-so-great ones too), I've been able to make money for a brief time period so that even though I've got nada for a current income I at least can survive for a time, and I've had a huge and marvelous support system through all of it. You all included.

So, basically, what I'm trying to say is that I need to shut the hell up about situations that were really only bad because I twisted them around into my own dark, dismal idea of the world. And start talking more about the situations where I'm given advice by a brute of a man who thinks he's a sweetheart, or where I'm told the office is not PC at all, or where computers are an unnecessary extravagance that take away from the person-to-person aspect of interacting. Or I at least need to get back to my normal and pleasant state of mind where I'm just really self-effacing, and not ripping apart everyone else while I stand on my pedestal laughing sinisterly (I looked it up and I can use it as an adverb, don't worry) and stroking my mustache while everyone else tries to live up to my incredibly high standards but continues to fail. Muhahahahaha! Oh wait, I'm NOT doing that anymore. Whoops. I'll hold back on the evil chuckle. Sorry.

So, don't fret, this isn't the end of my blog. I would never do that to all seven of you loyal readers!

I'm just going to stop being a whiny, hypocritical baby and get back to my roots. Meaning my tone from 15 posts earlier or so, where I told my stories in a funny, non-bitchy, non-woe-is-me kind of way. I can't claim this bad karma is coming from nowhere if I'm putting it upon myself, can I? And who ever wants to say they brought about bad karma?? NO ONE! You want it to simply happen (well you don't want it to happen really, but if it's going to, you definitely don't want to be responsible for it!), and then you can get your friends or significant other to buy you things or take you out for drinks or give you a back rub!

And then, because you did nothing to earn your crappy karma, you'll end up with the perfect job, have lots of money, upgrade your apartment, get your blog published because it's so witty and endearing and spot on, and live happily ever after! The end.

Doesn't that sound better??

Yeah, I think so too.

I have such a realistic view of life.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Updates on EVERYTHING.

And yes, I realize that title is CRAP, but it's 5:45 and my brain has stopped functioning. So deal with it. I'll do better next time.

First off, let's talk about that briefly mentioned lawsuit that came out of nowhere for most of you.

I talked to the insurance agency, found out what's been going on, how they tried to settle with the TURD for 'significantly less' than he asked for, how he of course refused, how it's moved to the insurance's lawyer now (she's the one who's been sending me papers in the mail, apparently I'm an idiot for not just knowing that immediately and knowing how getting sued works right away, you know, with all my previous experience with this!), and how there's going to be a deposition so I have to answer questions but hopefully won't actually go to court after that.

Whew. So that's fun. I'm relieved that a) I know what the hell happened to lead to me getting crap in the mail, b) all the insurance people agree on the dude's douchebag status, and c) they're still handling it, though I now I have participate some. But unless he asks for a couple million or something, I shouldn't have to get my own lawyer. Awesome. So glad I'm learning these fun life lessons at 25 years old. All my talk of suing like seven different people in the past (and by seven, I mean mainly my first orthodontist who I still blame for the second round of braces I had to get in college) is less funny now that I'm on the receiving end. Boo, douchebag. Way to ruin my 'Let's just sue them!' comment for forever now.

So I guess I'll start keeping you posted on this fun stuff now too...until I'm told to stop talking about it by a lawyer or judge (as I'm pretty sure what I'm doing right now is illegal). I'm just waiting on a callback and actual conversation with this lawyer now, before I fill out any paperwork. I'm not taking any more risks EVER AGAIN.

Oh, speaking of taking risks, we're now done with phase one of the attempt at getting a 6-month travel writing job. It's all up to the judges and our number of votes. Which, by the way, is AMAZING! I've been all over Facebook with this stuff, but we managed to come up at #24 out of around 800 applicants...and they pick out 50 to move on to the next round! So, unless the judges are planning on getting added to my douchebag shit-list, I'll hopefully be harassing people for votes a lot more soon! Stay posted... and then vote like your life depends on it if we're in the 50 who move on.

And finally, the realistic job hunt. Well, I just got back into the routine of working out, eating lunch, and hitting up a coffee shop (Caribou Coffee, I'm talking about you! Pay me to promote you!??!) today. But better than that, and this is where you get excited people!, I have an interview tomorrow!

Yay!! Less bitching, and more storytelling! I'm sure you're as excited as I am.

Anyways, one of the millions of staffing agencies I signed up with somehow got wind that I was once again out on my ass and called me out of the blue about an opportunity the other day. Seriously, how do they DO that?? It's a little bit creepy. But hey, I'll take it. And this is one that hasn't sent me on any crap interviews... yet. So, we'll see how it works out. It's a group interview. Which means that even if I do well and the company seems cool, I'll be able to trash some of the other people interviewing for the job!

And by trash, I mean critique and offer constructive criticism on a blog they will never read. Because I am never judgmental or overly dramatic about interviews and the people involved! Who, me?? Never!

So stay tuned friends, shits going to go down tomorrow (the interview and the judgment day for the travel gig)... though, since it's the weekend and this blog is still not paying me (yes, I expect money to shoot out of my disc drive anytime I post a new story and I still don't understand why that isn't happening yet!), you'll probably hear from me next month.

Though I'll post earlier if you have something to offer. And I witnessed chatroulette for the first time yesterday, and I don't want ANY of what people offer on that, thank you very much. Let's keep in clean, kids. That shit was NASTY!

And on that note, have a great weekend!

Shameless Self-Promo!!

VOTE FOR ME AND TIM!

http://www.runawaybrideandgroom.com/ultimatejob/user/profile/652

So, on my quest to get a job, I came across this gem of a potential position.

It's a contest that I'm trying to win. Basically, they're looking for a romantically-linked couple who can travel around the world for 6 months and test out and report on destination wedding and honeymoon locations.

I'd be testing lavish hotels, fantastic beaches, gorgeous locations. Sounds horrible, right?

Not to mention, I'd still get paid on top of that.

So, to keep it brief, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE VOTE FOR ME AND TIM!!!!!!!!

I will love you forever.

http://www.runawaybrideandgroom.com/ultimatejob/user/profile/652

Also, I'm really proud of my video and I want to brag about it. This is me bragging. Thanks.

"Cause I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't"

So, a lot has happened. It's been a crazy weekend, honestly.

I'm currently sitting in my parent's house.

It's a Monday afternoon and I'm sitting at my parent's house.

I think you can see where this is going.

Friday was a bit of a rough day. Know how I was saying I had at least two full weeks at the temp office? Well, that turned into one. And I found that out on the Friday I had already planned on leaving early to head home for Easter weekend, so I didn't even end it all with a full 40-hour week. Yeah, it kind of sucked. What was more surprising was how differently the attitudes were toward me that day.

This one's a little harder to write openly about, simply because I do like the office and the people working there, and I'm still hoping to get placed through them. The people were so welcoming and friendly from the get-go, which is why Friday was so jarring for me. Maybe it was just a bad day all around?

Anyways, I get in at 8:30am, ready to go, excited about the weather, happy to be done early so I can get home and spend some time with my family and friends. I start out as I always did, reading through resumes and picking out which people should be called. As I'm working on this, one of the boss ladies comes out and starts talking to the managers who are sitting behind me. This is what I overhear, which I think I'm meant to overhear?

Boss: 'Who's been screening the resumes?"
Manager: 'Nikki'
Boss: 'Well, you guys need to start doing that yourselves. We need to do a better job of screening candidates. The people we've been getting in here are crap.'

If this were a movie, the camera would pan back to me, staring, slightly amazed, at my computer screen, currently opened to a resume I'm reviewing.

How WEIRD is that? To overhear someone directly talking about you and the work you've been doing, knowing you're right there and can hear it all, and then to not acknowledge you at all!? The worst part was that I was TEMPING, meaning I was there to take direction from other people and do exactly what was asked of me. Remember, I had been strung along so much, I had no idea what they wanted from me and what they expected me to be doing, meaning do I take my own initiative and start things up on my own? Which I did do, with all my social media and social networking additions. Or do I sit on my tukhus and wait for them to tell me what to do and how to do it? Which I also did, and when I wasn't being given tasks, I'd do what I could with social networking.

So, I was a little (ok, a lot more than a little) bothered by this overheard encounter, since I was following the exact instructions on what to look for on resumes and what to get out of someone on the phone. So, this was kind of insulting.

Then, because I didn't know if I was supposed to be looking at resumes any longer, I went back to just filing papers for them, feeling a little irked and just ready for the day to be over. It was 9am.

About a half hour or so later, as I continued filing papers while sipping a mug of tea, watching the managers and bosses go into and come out of a meeting, like they did about 3 times a day usually, I was still trying to figure out what that early comment meant for me. Meaning, I totally knew they were not bringing me on as a recruiter anymore for some reason. But I hadn't give up on maybe getting a part-time permanent gig with them.

And then the other manager, the one who I spoke with during my interview, came over to my desk and asked if I wanted to go get a cup of coffee with her.

I was drinking a huge mug of tea at that very moment.

This was like that moment when you're sitting in class and your name comes over the announcements, and you have this HUGE feeling of dread, even though you know you didn't do anything wrong, and you just want to slide under your desk but instead you know you have to stand up and walk out.

So that's what I did, though the last thing I wanted was coffee. Maybe an Irish coffee at that moment, but not just jittery caffeine. No thanks.

So we walk to the place next door, doing that AWFUL small talk the whole time. Oh my God, seriously, I just wanted to say "What's going ON!?" but I had to bite my tongue the whole time and act like the day was going great so far and like I had no clue where things were heading. UGH.

Here's the problem. I'm never completely hopeless, no matter how pessimistic I am. So, though I had a very good idea that I would not be staying with this office any further than they told me, and I'm about to be out of a job once again, and how over the last week I'm there with them I would need to crack down on the job hunt again so I'm not royally screwed after it's all over and done with, I did NOT expect the next sentence.

"You've probably had an idea this was coming over the last few days, but today's going to be your last day in the office."

BAM. Out on the streets once again. Without warning once again. Ok, well with some warning this time, but without severance pay OR unemployment now. So, really out on the street this time. Well, not really because I don't plan on prostituting myself at all (yet), but you get my point.

Now, before you get the wrong ideas, she was really great about it all and I could tell she genuinely felt bad about the way everything turned out, as she had interviewed me for the original position way back when and had also thought I would transition into that roll from temping. And she asked me if I had any insight after my time with them, and I was a very good girl and didn't let these last moments cloud my overall pleasant experience with them, but I did let her know I would not have temped for them had I not been under the impression that it would help me get the job.

So, the joyful thing after all this was that I got to go back up in the office and work for the rest of my (shortened) day. Which, obviously, I was going to be a little more withdrawn and quieter during, especially since I was pretty much just filing from that point on. I don't know if it was me and the way I was keeping to myself, or if it was just the mood of the office, or if I truly did something to piss people off, but everyone seemed to be keeping away from me when possible too. Which just made everything super awkward. So that was fun.

And then, to top off my already crappy day (it's still only 11am or so at this point), I once again overhear a very obvious conversation about me, behind me. GET AN OFFICE PEOPLE. Or stop being so rude...and not because you're critiquing my work, but because you're literally doing it BEHIND MY BACK. Anyways, the receptionist comes up to the other manager, from the original conversation with the boss, and passes over the report on that week's interviews. She then mentions how there were three no-shows that week (out of 25+ scheduled interviews...for a temp agency...that could potentially get you a job). And the response to that? "Yeah, well, we're going to be doing a much better job of screening people from now on."

WOW. Two in one day. It's good to be me.

I didn't even know what to do at that point. I mean, I've already been told that I'm done, so why the crap-talk still? Why not wait until a few hours later when I'm gone for good? It's just not how I would treat other people, nor expect to be treated, and it was totally out of character, or so I thought. So now I'm totally paranoid that I did something horribly wrong and they talked about me in that brief staff meeting and they all hate me and I NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE.

Of course it's my day without a lunch break.

And, I am telling you, it does not stop there.

I really only had good things to say up until all this stuff happened!

So, as I'm going through hundreds of papers, alphabetizing and filing, I decide it's quiet in the office and since they usually turn on some tunes when it's quiet, I'd just open Pandora. So I turn on my Carole King station, since I'm pining for some oldies and a little bit of female power, and start mouthing along to the music. I already feel better.

Until that oh-so-lovely manager who-now-hates-me-or-was-having-a-truly-horrible-day came back from lunch.

Ok, so lunch ended right as Bonnie Raitt's 'I Can't Make You Love Me' came on the station (shout out to my post title!). And ok, so that's a really really really sad and depressing and somewhat pathetic workplace song. And ok, so it probably looked like I was sulking and emoting about not getting to work in their office longer.

BUT, in my defense, it's a really beautiful song and it was Pandora, so you just get what ever song they think matches your station next.

Anyways, apparently that was NOT OKAY. Because I was asked to turn it off so we could put on something more upbeat, or dance party like.

I'm sorry, I thought this was a workplace, not a late-night club. My mistake.

So I turn it off, and nothing. No one turns on this upbeat music so desired. Now it's silent again, and miserable. Fantastic. Finally, the new addition to their staff asks why there isn't any music playing if a dance party was wanted so badly. And then we get the Beyonce station. If you know me, you know how much I love Beyonce. I love Beyonce like a cat loves getting wet. Things couldn't be going better. Oh, but wait. The first song? Was a slow Rihanna ballad. Let's get this party started!!

So, finally, my day comes to an end. I have a pocketful of candy from their closet and a very kind and warm thank you letter waiting in everyone's inboxes from me. I breeze out of there and head home, glad it's sunny and ready to drive home, blasting the music I want to listen too, with the sunroof open for the first time this year.

Did I mention I'm currently getting sued? Oh, yeah, forgot to fill you in about that. I got in a fender-bender in stop and go traffic outside of Chicago on a rainy night 3 years ago. I bumped into the cab in front of me when I looked in my rearview mirror a second too long. I was shaken up and half in tears, and the cab driver was really nice, saying no one got hurt and there wasn't really any damage. So we made the decision not to call the police, since we were on the left shoulder of the packed highway and it would take forever for them to even get there. I gave him my info, we parted ways and I made it to my friend's house with just a bump in my front license plate and a few chips in my paint.

And then the douchebag sued. SERIOUSLY. And not only that, but it isn't being handled through insurance for some reason, even though they said it would be, and I have been getting papers about a deposition and answering questions, without any clue why or what it's about or which lawyer it's even coming from (is it from his? Or is it from my insurance?). I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF THIS!!!

Anyways, getting back to my story, I get home, feeling better about my crappy day, though worried about my job situation now. And I grab the mail before I head out of town. And there it is, waiting for me. Another letter from this law office, this time with questions I'm supposed to answer. No one has called me about ANY OF THIS. I have no idea why I'm getting these. I have no idea what happens when I don't respond (because I didn't to the last one, and they didn't seem to care at all). But dealing with a lawsuit, and a RIDICULOUS one at that, while dealing with unemployment is not what I needed.

Remember how I mentioned that my poor little brain couldn't handle all of this stuff or "I'll be on the phone in tears again with someone who loves me but who still probably hates dealing with sobby, whiny, insecure me"? Well, the traffic on my stupid street to get to the highway push me to that point a few minutes later. Plus, I opened the stupid law office envelope in the car. DUMB. I knew it would upset me, and I purposefully threw it in the car unopened because of that. And then I just couldn't resist. Stupid stupid stupid.

So, that was my Good Friday. Good Friday...what a joke.

But, be happy friends. There's about to be a lot more to come from me! Including my newest, very realistic and totally probably attempt at getting a job....

As Celine Dion says, "And that's the way it is."

So, yesterday got awkward. For me, at least. Because the elephant in the room was finally, somewhat addressed.

I got an email from my current coworker, who is a lovely person, and who is looking out for me. However, that 'looking out for me' now includes letting me know when a position comes in from a client that I'd be a good fit for and submitting my resume for that.

Which, when reading in writing that you are definitely not getting the job you applied for even though you've been working your butt off to impressive everyone while doing at-times tedious filing work, is not the best of news, even if it's about a potential job.

Obviously, my time here is not going to be what I originally came here to do. However, the good thing is that I haven't given up my good mentality yet. Which is a miracle (yes, it's only been two days, but that's how quickly I can turn from hopeful to completely pessimistic... actually, try two minutes). But it's also in part from a new, tiny tiny hope that this position will turn into something part time and permanent. It was mentioned as a possible outcome in the previously mentioned email, and I'm going to latch on to that and fight for it. Like these creatures... www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeOSXtBCY30 ...latch on to a whale carcass. Ok, so they're not really fighting for it as much as DEVOURING it, but I really just needed to share that special video!

Anywho, part time work isn't too shabby of a deal, provided I can temp around those hours so I make a full-time wage, or I get an agent and start making boatloads of money acting. I'm thinking that's definitely the realistic option too, so maybe start looking for me on TV or billboards or in movies. Yes, I will sign autographs, but I will have a limit per day, so get to it early.

The good news for all three of you reading this, outside of now knowing that you'll be able to have an autograph, is that there are a lot more possibilities for blogs about bad interviews or awkward temp gigs then there are for me to find a happy home in a job and have nothing at all to share with you.

And on that note, go celebrate that excellent news while celebrating your holidays this week, whatever they may be. And yes, I mean that in the British sense of the word too, for all you spring breakers! Paarrrrrrttttaaaayyyy!

"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."

Quick, lunch break post.

Yes, I said lunch break. Yes, that means I'm still temping.

And I've just been asked to stay on for two more full weeks, starting with today. So hey, I guess I'm employed for Passover and Easter (if that's confusing to you, don't worry about it. You obviously need to get to know me a little better) and leading up to the weekend before Tax Day. Sweet. I can splurge on chocolate rabbits, Maztoh, and maybe even some new Spain soccer attire for the pre-World Cup party I'm attending in two weekends. Fernando Torres will always be my hero.

However, now I'm running into a mental predicament. Because I came to terms with my second round of unemployment over the weekend, thinking how maybe doing straight up temp work wouldn't be the end of the world, and I could audition for more theatre or volunteer with PAWS at long last (although PAWS = me getting a puppy or seven, so I may need to wait on that one still) or start my serious acting agent hunt instead of my serious job hunt.

But nooooo, the minute I decide this forced-upon-me decision isn't so horrible, I have to put it on hold for another two weeks. Which will most likely consist of me thinking about how I want a freaking full time, permanent, secure job so I don't have to worry about LIFE every other day, or so I can continue to avoid the terrifying world of being a career-seeking actress (yes, this is me admitting that maybe sometimes I put off auditioning not for the reasons I say I do but because I am a pussy. Ugh. Unemployment makes you look at yourself and it is not a fun thing a lot of the time, let me tell you.), or so I can stop battling intensely in my brain about what the hell I'm doing with myself. And I mean a Skywalker vs Vader battle, where someone will lose a hand and someone will have to die, though hopefully with a nice little reconciliation at the end and maybe a ghost appearance that is NOT Hayden Christenson!

So that's why dragging out this temping position might not be good for me. Not because I don't want to do temp work, because maybe I do. Or because I'm not happy working again and making money, because I definitely am. But because my poor little brain never settles itself down and two more weeks means my current state of peace will last for about a day or two, and then I'll be on the phone in tears again with someone who loves me but who still probably hates dealing with sobby, whiny, insecure me.

Oh, and the title? It's a LOTR quote. This is why Tolkien is also my hero. And moreso than Torres (sorry buddy, but bring back the faux-hawk and then we can talk!).

"If no one will listen, if you decide to speak..."

A proud or shame-filled few of you may know these lyrics from the original Idol, Kelly Clarkson, but they're actually from the original song by the lovely Keri Noble. FYI.

Anyways, I'll tie this all in in a moment.

Here's what I briefly have to say to update you on my situation.

I don't know where I stand here, if I have a job after this temping thing is up, or if it's all coming to an end at the conclusion of the week. It's driving me nuts, because I'm really enjoying my time here so far, the people are great, and I feel like I actually have room to grow if I get to stick around for a while. So, the suspense is killing me. I'm having mild breakdowns at inconvenient times worrying about possibly having to find work again after a tease of a great job. I'm constantly over-analyzing anything and everything I hear, I see, I'm told, I do, I'm asked, etc. while working. I'm obsessing about what I need to wear to make an impression. I'm hating my allergies for making me look like I'm sick and gross and snotty.

And I'm absolutely terrified of asking if I'm staying around or not. Because I feel like it's not going to be the answer I want, and therefore, I don't want to know because it will break my poor little heart.

Not to mention, I've completely given up my unemployment supplements for this gig, and I'm almost positive I can't get them back if I'm on my own again, so I'll be out on the streets and panicked about money MORE than I was before. Which leads to the immediate assumption that I'll be moving home, living off the folks, and growing fat and sloppy playing video games and being friendless in the wilderness of the backroads of Oshkosh. Very valid fears.

Anyways, tomorrow I'm going to grow the balls I need to just ask if I'm staying past Friday or not (That's what the song lyrics were for... me. To encourage me to speak. Cheesy, yes. But totally motivational. Listen to the Keri Noble version. NOW.). And then, since I'm going to Madison for the weekend, I'm either celebrating, mourning, or drinking away the frustration of being strung along for a longer period of time (but also the joy of still having an income for the time being so I can spend that money on booze!).

And still the hunt goes on, just in the waiting-in-the-tree-for-the-deer-to-walk-by kind of way (What!? I'm from the Midwest, I'm allowed to use horrible deer hunting metaphors!).

The No Good, Terrible, Very Bad Interview

So, I'm temping away my days and I love it.

I know that sentence is kind of hard to embrace, since it includes the words "temping" and "love," but seriously, this place has been good to me so far!

However, I am not here to ooh and ahh over my current, though possibly brief, employment stint. You will all be thrilled to know that I have been interviewing still, and I've got a good little morsel of a story for ya'll. Happy early St. Patrick's Day!

So, yesterday, day two of the temp job, I had an interview scheduled for 6:15 pm, giving me 45 minutes to commute north and be ready to rock and roll. They were actually great, because they agreed to stay around late so that I could come in without having to take time off of my second day in the office. However, I felt guilty doing it, since I want to stay where I'm at, and I couldn't tell anyone. So why wouldn't that be the day I leave at the same time as two of my new coworkers?! And why wouldn't we all be taking the exact same train north!? And why wouldn't they be curious to know what my confirmation phone call on the train was about!?

So, they both got off the train, and I continued on my way to the ever-so-discreet "meeting" I had just confirmed, feeling like a total schmuck. Awesome.

I arrive at the building and have to call the guy to let me in. He comes down to meet me, as I'm standing there in a purple dress with matching purple heels like someone out of Mad Men or something. And I shake hands with a boy in a black sweatshirt and jeans. Not only is he totally casual, but he doesn't seem to care about washing his hair, yet the side-swiped bangs make me think that's his most cherished feature. Hellllooo emo Pete Wentz.

So, I'm obviously excited. Ok, but seriously, having walked around in heels all day, the jeans were definitely appealing (not his, obviously, just jeans in general). The space was all cool and lofty, so things started looking up.

Until he walked into the conference room with my requested water... in a red plastic cup. You know, the ones that you see crushed on the ground covered in old booze and dirt at house parties. So, professionalism isn't really there thing then?

It continues.

I'm introduced to his associate, who seems nice enough, and we get started with the interview.

You know what I love? When interviews involve hearing a lot about a company and the position and all the perks and horrors of it all, while I interrupt every once in a while to mention my past experience and what I could bring. And what makes them even better?? When it is completely obvious that they are trying to sell you on the whole deal and not vice versa. Granted, I don't exactly enjoy selling myself to people, but isn't that what you're supposed to do in an interview? Yeah, things were going well.

Not only did they talk about all the horrible things that come from working there (the market is BAAADDDD, you don't really get paid because it's 100% commission, you have to work 10 hour days and you can't even leave for lunch), but they complained about things, bantered back and forth with sarcastic remarks, and actually mentioned that one person who was fired had been a bitch so it was totally fine.

And then they threw up the big, bloody, red flag. At least to little ole gay-friendly, feminist me.

"One thing we think it's necessary to warn people about is that we are not PC here."

Ummm.......

I get that being PC isn't always easy, or fun. And I understand that being PC sometime includes just being polite and considerate of others, and not swearing or burping or whatever. Oh WAIT. No, that's not the definition of PC. No, that's the definition of being a nice human being. So, PC means being considerate of others' beliefs and identities and all that fun stuff.

Or, as a fun little source you may have heard of called Mirriam-Webster puts it, political correctness is "conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated."

Yes, I looked up the definition.

That's how serious I take this.

Also, did they NOT see my resume, where I state that I studied Women's Studies and LGBT Studies in college?? WHY ARE THEY INTERVIEWING ME??!?

Anyways, I'd heard enough at that point. Especially when the side-swipe dude let me know that no one ever gets really offended, although there was one time when he did.

Ten bucks says it was regarding his hair.

So, they finally complete the 'interview' and I think I'm free to go home and get some sushi with the bf. Nope. Oh no. No, I need to meet with one of the partners now. Awesome. But, even better than staying to talk with yet another person, side-swipe continues on to tell me that this partner man is going to purposefully try to bore me and I need to make sure I look attentive. And then they left me to wait for the partner to come in.

Yes, I completely thought about, and even visualized, what it would be like to just get up and book it out of there. The conference room I was in was right in the front of the office, and everyone else was further back. They wouldn't have even see me go.

Buuuuuttt... they also had my name and all my info, and that's just shady for me to do, even if I don't want the job. That's like when someone doesn't ever respond to an email that's personally directed to them. Yes, I have specific examples of these types of situations. I think you probably figured that one out though.

Anywho, I stayed. And the guy came in and talked, for probably TWENTY MINUTES, about the history of the company and what the company is all about and so, so, so much more that I didn't care about. But oh, I was VERY attentive. I smiled, laughed, nodded in agreement, made sure my eyes were wide and didn't stray away. This? Is why I am an actress. Haha.

But guess what? It STILL DOESN'T END HERE! Seriously, it actually continues to spiral downhill. So he finally finishes up his shpiel and decides to actually learn something about me. He asks me where I grew up and we talk about how good Midwest people are.

Then he asks me what my parents do for a living. Um, ok? How does this pertain to me getting a job? So I mention my dad's company and start to say how my mom volunteers. But no, he jumps right into asking what my dad DOES at his company. WHAT?! WHY? I'm now totally uncomfortable, and kind of pissed off, so I give the snoozer my dad's full title (Obviously, I'm talking about President Obama here, which is why this is sooooo uncomfortable.). He says something along the lines of wow or some other remark that doesn't help my irritation, and moves on to asking more about my siblings and my interests and yadda yadda.

Meanwhile, because this is not over YET, side-swipe comes back in (later telling me he did so in order to break up the boringness of the partner guy) and the two of them have a back and forth banter of sorts.

Which leads to the next and scariest part.

Snoozer partner tells side-swipe: "I like her. Let's hire her. Let's hire her right now."

Internal Me: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK. Ohgodohgodohgod. Now I have to tell them to their faces that I don't want to do this, and they are going to ask me questions about it and I have to be polite and they may try to convince me and I just want to LEAVE!

Side-swipe: Well, we should probably get you in for another interview, so that you can sit down with a team.

Internal Me: Ohthankheavens.

External Me: Ok, great!

They then tell me they want to do it during normal office hours, obviously, since it's a team of people, and I let them know I'll talk to my current temp bosses and see if they'll let me leave early one day to interview. Which of course I'm not going to do since I have no desire for the position and my temp job has the potential to become a real job that I would probably enjoy.

We say goodbye, I book it out of there, I'm awkwardly stopped on the stairs so side-swipe can give me his card, and then I am GONE. An hour and a half later. Starving, crabby, and no longer able to do my 6 loads of laundry as planned.

Two days later? I send side-swipe a very happy-go-lucky email saying thanks but no thanks since I don't think it will suit my interests and I can't take on the demands of the position currently. Meaning I don't want to hear people swearing up a storm all day and offending their coworkers and living in an office trying to earn a single dollar.

And so, the now lukewarm job hunt continues. As I try to patiently wait for word as to whether I'll be working beyond two weeks. Oof.

Meanwhile, you'll be hearing more horror stories on the job hunt, I'm sure!

Happiness is a Warm Gun

While jobs relating to children don't seem to find me appealing after they originally contact me (I seriously don't get why it's so hard to send out a quick email saying thanks but no thanks. I did it as a recruiter, and I had like 300 people to email!), I'm beginning to feel good about a recent company I've interviewed with.

Yes, I realize this is a horribly depressing moment for those of you who are reading this as the possible coming-to-an-end of my blog, but before you get too upset, nothing is set in stone yet. I have another potentially awkward interview scheduled for Monday evening, and I will continue to share my awkward life encounters and especially my audition experiences long after I find a job. So wipe away that single tear, and let's move on now.

As I was saying, I had an interview with a small (as in, the number of employees aren't in the double digits yet) company on Tuesday, the day after the DOUCHEBAG experience, and then moved on for a second interview on Wednesday.

And I have nothing bad to say.

Crazy, right?!

But really, the people were awesome, the company seems great, the location is fantastic, and I'm really excited by the opportunity.

It's actually a little freaky because it seems impossible for things to work out that well. It makes me uncomfortable, since it's an experience I haven't had.

And it's not a done deal yet, so I am going to be silly and superstitious and keep my mouth shut, but I am temping for them while they make a hiring decision, since they can't make that decision for a few weeks and because they're short staffed, and that makes me feel more confident that they like me! Obviously I'll keep you posted.

And while I get that you want to hope for bad things to happen so that I can continue making your days brighter with my hilarious storytelling, it'd be cool if you could wish me well and hope for good things, since this blog has yet to be picked up for a book deal and therefore I need to make a living. And if I'm dead from starvation you're probably going to have less opportunities to read my funny stories about auditions and creepy encounters on the CTA (which I guarantee will happen). So let's hope for the best here, huh!?

Also, I applied for a dog walking position today that I saw on Craigslist, if that makes you feel any better about possible future awkwardness!

But, if I somehow run out of things to share, remind me to tell you about the audition I went to a few weeks ago. In a gym. That smelled like poop.

PS... The title is a reference, not a suicidal comment. It's my attempt at being abstract about how my happiness at getting a job might make people think this blog is dead. Yes, really. And I'm more concerned about your state of being if you don't know that song.

The Silent Treatment

An update on the 'To Be Continued' post.

They are ignoring me. (They, just to remind you, being the childcare company that asked me random questions over the phone, like "mountains or ocean?")

I have no idea what happened, what I did to them, or if something horrible occurred (which would be bad), but I have now emailed the woman twice over a two-week time period since she sent me an email about needing to reschedule my interview, and I also followed up by calling the office and leaving a voicemail for the woman who originally interviewed me over the phone.

Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

They hate me.

Maybe they figured out I'm not a fan of children??

Speaking of which, I not only updated my profile on the nanny website I had posted stuff on a while ago, but this time I actually searched for families that matched my profile and then (and this is the big shocker) I even emailed one of the families about nannying for their four-month-old daughter!

Times are a getting desperate.

I also haven't heard anything from that family.

Once again, the silent treatment is a move made in the ongoing game of my job hunt.

You will be shot for this!

The baby lady did not call me back!

Story of my life. Well, minus the 'baby lady' part.

Here's another fun little diddy though...

So, yesterday, first interview with a company for a little while now. Whoohoo!

The one word I'd use to sum up the experience?

DOUCHE.

Douche, douche, douche.

And I'm not talking about keeping clean. I'm talking about the attitude of a person.

Let me start at the beginning. I had received a call from an international staffing agency, that we will leave unnamed, about my resume I had posted on one of the tons of job search engines. Apparently they were looking for a recruiter and were interested in me. The guy who called told me to check out their site and call him back if I was interested. I looked it over briefly, reading about what they do, who they find jobs for, where they're located, and all that jazz. I called him back and let him know I was interested, expecting to talk in more detail. Nope. He said great, here's when you should come in for an interview, see you then. So I was going into this thing a little more blind than I expected.

So yesterday, I checked out the site again before my interview and discovered a somewhat hidden link to the internal position I was interviewing for, and started to read about the details.

Oh f*ck.

It was all sales. Like big time sales. Not the kind of recruiting I was interested in. Boo. I kind of had expected it, but seeing it in writing confirmed my fears. So, I debated pulling out (that's what he said?) of the interview, but I thought I might as well go in and learn more and see if there's maybe something I missed that makes it sound better, or if they had another position or something better suited for me.

I get all dressed up, and in killer pink heels might I add (thanks Angie!), and head downtown. Turns out, the office was 10 floors below my boyfriend's office. Ironic, but kind of awesome. Unless I got the job and then for some unforeseen reason we broke up and hated each other and then saw each other in the lobby and it was awkward and awful and one or both of us cried and then I had to quit to get away and then all my friends picked him over me and I became unemployed and alone and sunk to the level of loving cats and got 7 and shared cat food with them and talked to them as if they were children and walked them on leashes around the neighborhood in a velor sweatsuit and crocs with socks. Or something along those lines. I haven't really thought about it too much or anything.

Annnnyyywhooo, I go in for the interview and discover the guy I had spoken with on the phone was out for the day for some reason, so I'm meeting with some other guy.

Now, those of you in sales, you probably think this is silly of me to describe this situation as douchey because I should have expected it, but I didn't because I'm so sweet and kind and wonderful. Hahaha. But really, I didn't know what to expect, it just definitely wasn't this.

The new guy starts talking immediately about what the company is about and what they're looking for, without asking me a thing. Now, I'm assuming he grabbed my resume right before he walked in the room, since someone else had been handling my info earlier, so you'd think he'd want to know more about me a little first? NOPE. He tells me the job is hard, but the company is great, and then he talks about money. I, being Jewish and all, am not comfortable talking about money. Actually, I shouldn't throw my people under the bus like that, as I feel most people are a little awkward about talking money, especially two minutes into an interview. So he's talking about the half million you can make in the industry and yadda yadda yadda. And then he moves on to my resume and asking me questions.

He asked me two questions total.

Question number one: (He glances at my resume, which could have been upside down and I doubt he would have noticed) Tell me about your previous experiences.

So I talk about my last jobs and how they'd relate to this position, including my 3 month stint with Careerbuilder, and why I left the company after that short of a time period.

And then he decided to tell me that my resume is basically crap, since my jobs are all somewhat short term and that makes him doubt my loyalty. Well, not him, but probably his boss (he liked backhand insulting me and then blaming it on what his boss would potentially say).

And here is what I wanted to say but of course didn't: Dude. If you would look over my resume in a little more detail, and maybe ask me a few more questions, you would realize that I've been in the actual working world for a little over two years and I have had a total of three jobs. One in Madison, which was temp because I was moving to Chicago in the autumn, and then two in Chicago. One wasn't right for me, and then less than a month after I left that one, I started with the place I was at for over a year before they laid me off, which guess what? Wasn't something I was exactly happy about, since I liked it there and was (gasp!) really loyal to them, and still am even in my unemployed state. Everything else was in college, and by everything else, I mean the two jobs I had in my four and a half years there, the second one being basically a promotion my first one within the university. So I'm sorry I haven't held down one job for seven years, but I've been a little busy getting educated and finding my place in a new city. Sorry if that's a concern for you.

But no, I kept my mouth shut and smiled and nodded and pretended like what he said was totally justified based on our five minute long conversation thus far.

Question number two: Where are you looking to go in your career path?

I explain that I'm interested in HR recruiting, and that I've been looking specifically at positions in that field, as well as more basic admin work.

And then he says this. Let me give you a word of advice.

Now, let's remember how this all started. They recruited me. They saw my resume, called me, and brought me in for an interview without asking these very very basic questions over the phone.

His word of advice? Don't say HR OR recruiting when meeting with recruiters. Because they are basically the opposite of each other. Total enemies. Recruiting is sales, and HR is more compensation packages and admin work and things like that. Saying HR OR recruiting to them is a big red flag.

What I wanted to say but of course didn't? I'm sorry, but did I ever use the word OR in my sentence? Because if you listened, instead of talking about yourself and your job the whole time, you would have realized that I said HR Recruiting, meaning I want to recruit in an HR position more so than be in sales. Aka, I DON'T WANT THIS JOB. THIS IS A WASTE OF MY TIME. YOU ARE A TURD. Goodbye.

Instead, I smiled and nodded and pretended he was super nice and helpful and interesting. He then told me that he'd bring my resume and the information we discussed to his boss and they'd be in touch.

And then he compared their job hunt to an execution, "lined up against a wall and shot at" style. That's how they're selecting candidates? Lining everyone up, picking out who to kill, and who to keep? Awesome. BYE.

And that was that. I debated emailing them and withdrawing, but then I realized they'd be the people who'd laugh at that, pointing out how I actually thought I had a chance and I'm hurting them by withdrawing. So screw that. I'm giving them the silent treatment. Real mature, huh?

Wanna know what the douchebag did two hours later? Asked me to join his network on LinkedIn. Probably because he wanted to show me all his connections and 'guide' me on my path in life. Thanks, but no thanks.

And that was that experience. One more for the books.

A word to the wise, try not to insult the people you're recruiting for a position, whether or not you think they're a good fit. It just doesn't reflect well upon your company, even if it is a cutthroat environment. Or reference executions. Also, kind of an odd way of promoting what you do there. Just sayin'...

Kids. I don't know what's wrong with these kids today.

Here's a quickie before I leave you for the weekend.

I am not a fan of children.

Seriously, I don't really like working with kids. I've worked with them in shows, and they are whiny, they misbehave, and they don't know how to shut up backstage. So I am the shusher and I HATE, let me repeat, HATE shushing in any way shape or form. I was the kid who got shushed. Traumatizing. (And Drew, shushing me? Is not a funny joke.)

Anyways, children. I just am slightly uncomfortable and irritated by them. But here's the the thing. They love me. For real. Kids, for some reason, latch on to me. It's probably because I talk to them normally, instead of like they're kids. Or something like that. So, while I'm not a fan, I'm apparently good with them.

Which brings me to my point. I just got a call today about nannying for a 3-month-old boy. Apparently somewhere in my early stages of job hunting, I put all my info on a nanny website. So this woman saw it, for some unknown reason decided I might be a good fit, and called me.

Here's the thing. Babies are not that bad, provided they're not colicky and crying constantly or pooping all over the place. Which is kind of an oxymoron, I know. But really, they sleep and eat and poop (hopefully not a ton though). So maybe I could do it?

Anyways, I talked to the woman for a bit and she asked me to send her more info about my past experience. Which I did. After taking a few hours to come up with that. Which included calling my mother and asking her the names of the people I babysat for in high school. Oof. It's a stretch, but hey, I know how to talk myself up and I think my 'Nanny Resume' actually looks pretty good, even if the most recent date on there is 2004!

So, we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted. And I promise, if I get the job, I will not ever write about the details of a poopy diaper. That's what your newly parenting friends on Facebook are for!

Back in the Saddle Again (But backwards, like the Old Spice guy)

Sorry 'bout the silence, but I was out of town, without internet or phone access. It was archaic. And you should have seen me right before I had to turn off my phone on the flight... I was literally rapidly scrolling through Facebook to get my fix before I had to go without it for 5 days. Unbelievably pathetic. But the joy I had turning on my phone again after my trip made it all worth it.

This? This is why a job like the first one I blogged about, that Dating Company, would NEVER EVER EVER work for me. No computers, no thank you.

Anywho, I don't have much to write about here since I haven't had much of anything happen since that stupid modeling interview thing (which I never did follow up on, and which I never heard another peep from them about).

I haven't heard anything from the one job I'm still waiting to interview for. I never got a response to my email about hopefully rescheduling the interview she wanted to do on a day I was out of town. And I've yet to hear anything back from the follow up I sent yesterday about that rescheduling. Soooo... write it off? I'm not sure. I am slowly losing interest in the gig, but I don't want to give it up as a lost cause yet. Mainly because that's so depressing, as it's the last possibility I've got at the moment.

This is why I really can't write a lot today. Because it's so much less funny and so much more whiny when I don't have hilarious interview stories to share.

Ok, new subject. That was getting too annoying to handle.

I don't know if you realize this, but I am a HUGE Craigslister when it comes to job hunting. I'm sure you're all rolling your eyes at me now, since all of these crazy interviews suddenly make perfect sense, but there is something about the simplicity that is the organization of Craigslist that makes me so much more drawn to it.

So, with the month of the active job hunting I've been doing, averaging about 15 hours a week searching and applying to positions, guess how many Craigslist jobs I've applied to?

As of this moment, 45. FORTY-FIVE CRAIGSLIST JOBS.

I can't decide if that's an embarrassingly low number, or an embarrassingly high number. Or if I should be proud that I haven't been murdered yet. I'm going with that one.

And, to close this post, I'll leave you with a copy of a standard response I get for applying to a receptionist position on Craigs (outside of all the ones that immediately ask me to go fill out all my information on another staffing/job searching site that wants to link you to as many sponsors as they possibly can):

"Hello Applicant,

This is an online/work from home job, the Hiring Dept of the company has reviewed your resume and we believe you have the required qualifications for the job. Do you have a yahoo messenger on your computer? If not download one.
To proceed with this Data entry Clerk job position ,you must undergo an online interview that will be conducted via yahoo messenger.


I want you to setup a yahoo messenger (IM) and Instant Message the Hiring Manager Mr James York on his yahoo ID (james_work71@yahoo.com) asap for the interview so you can get interviewed for the position.

This is a full-time job with benefits and the hours are great, get started with the online interview process and get back to me as soon as possible.

Hiring Department
Mr. John David"

Receptionists typically mean front desk, right?? If anyone feels like 'messaging' the dude, go for it! There's something about interviewing for a position I didn't originally apply for over Yahoo Messenger that seems a little off to me. If only they had said gchat, then we'd be talking!