My comment about lifting my shirt for the model guy (which, by the way, wasn't a full lift, just enough to find my belly button) reminded me that I promised Playboy a while back and I have yet to deliver.
Well here it is.
And it has nothing to do with boobies! Hahahaha.
In all honesty, this is the second time I have applied for a position in the corporate office of Playboy. However, I don't think they like me. And for good reason.
This one's a short one (aka, normal-people length).
I came across a listing for a position titled "Rights and Permissions Assistant", that's basically an administrative job. It sounded pretty good for me, so I started applying. Playboy has a kind of old-school set up for their online applications, where you have a 5-step process or so to go through to submit information. It was taking me a while to get through it and then I realized I need to upload a cover letter, I couldn't just paste it in a box on the application.
So I start up a Word document and get to editing my cover letter template so that it fits the job I'm applying for. I start out by saying how my previous positions have set me up to be perfect for this job, talk about the qualities I can bring to the Rights and Admissions Assistant position, talk about how great I am, yadda yadda yadda.
I save it, upload it on the site, and submit everything to Playboy. I get an email a few minutes later letting me know they recieved my application for the Rights and Permissions Assistant and they'll review it and be in touch.
Um, wait.
Rights and Permissions??
And I look over my cover letter again. Sure enough, I start out my first paragraph with Rights and Permissions and by the time my cover letter is finished, I have written Rights and ADMISSIONS three times, as well as saved the document under that name.
Well shit.
Guess this isn't going to be how I get a job with Playboy. If only there was another way...
I kid, I kid!
But maybe Chicago Top Models could have hooked me up, huh? Haha.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
"It's a Walk-Off!"
This one's a little embarrassing, but hey, I signed up for this so I have to suffer the consequences.
In the midst of all my serious job hunting, I came across one of those ads on Craigslist that said 'Actors Needed.' Those of you familiar with perusing Craigs, you know what I'm talking about. They're totally sketchy and mix actors and models in one big clump (HOW DARE THEY!) and probably want your money before they do anything for you.
So I signed up.
Seriously.
I think the unemployment has gone to my head. I clicked on a link to the website and decided to fill out the application. Oh, it's a standard application, you know, just asking for your name and phone number and eye color and your measurements. The best part was, I was in a coffee shop downtown and had no clue what my measurements were. So, instead of thinking, gosh, this isn't worth it, I instead downloaded a ruler application for my phone, grabbed my computer cord, and measured my hips, waist, and bust. In public. With a computer cord. I do not make this up.
After all that, I submitted it and laughed it off.
And then someone called me. The guy was talking super fast, but basically said that I should come in for an interview, so we set it up and a few days later, off I went. I was a little nervous I was about to get raped and pillaged, but the office location seemed legit. And when I got there, the space was surprisingly nice and lofty and had Project Runway ads all over (maybe they hooked them up with models?? Oh my God, I could be on Project Runway!??!). I had to fill out another form asking for my measurements, which I of course didn't remember, because who on earth memorizes those numbers beside Barbie. I left it blank, thinking they could just look at my online form, and headed into my meeting.
With an eight-foot-tall black man who had shoulder-length braids that he kept flipping all over the place.
Good start, I say.
So I'm talking to this guy, and he's all over the place, and I am confused what exactly this 'interview' is about, but I'm trying to figure out what they are looking for from me. And then the dude starts explaining how auditions work.
Now don't get me wrong, I realize they probably get a lot of inexperienced, potentially weird people in there and have to walk them through how auditioning for theatre works, but that isn't me. And he was talking in detail about how equity actors get gigs compared to non-equity. And I got a little frustrated and started interrupting him before he got out of control with information I didn't need to hear. Obviously, this was not a normal interview. I promise I don't get attitude when meeting for a potential job!
So, that was ok I guess, but left me with a slightly bad taste in my mouth, and also with the knowledge that I wasn't going to be signing anything with them because once I get an agent, I'm not getting one called "Chicago Top Models" to represent me as an actor. (Oops. I guess I let the cat out of the bag on that company's name. Darn.) Especially when it sounds like they would be sending me to the auditions I send myself to. And then taking part of the money in the end. Sounds great to me!
I had already made up my mind by that point, but apparently the interview wasn't over yet. I had brought in a picture of myself like they asked, but apparently they needed digital ones, not a hard copy of my headshot. So, because this guy needs to explain everything in a ridiculous amount of detail, he walks me through what a photo should consist of. It needs to be a copy that they have the rights to use, that is edited and they WILL NOT take unedited photos because there can be NO blemishes or spots AT ALL, and it has to be recent. Meanwhile, he's holding my professional headshot in his hand, that looks exactly like me so it's obviously current, and that is not only done by a renown photographer in the area, but she is so good at her job, they are blemish and spot-free without editing! Janna Giacoppo. She rocks my socks off. Back to my story though. After he goes through all that, he then proceeds to tell me they have an inhouse photographer if I can't afford updating my photos. Ok, to truly understand how ridiculous this comment was, you may want to check out the quality photos on their website. That's all I'll say. Anyways, I quickly interrupted him and let him know mine were current. Sheesh.
And it doesn't end there.
He looked over my form again and realized I didn't have my measurements written down, which I explained that I had submitted them already and I didn't remember.
Not good enough.
Oh no, no, he had to whip out a clothing tape measure and have me lift my shirt up so he could measure my waist and hips. Luckily (for him, because I would have kicked him right in the junk!) he didn't do my bust, just took down my bra size.
So that was fun.
And it still doesn't end there. Right as we were ending things, he tells me that they are having a casting for runway hair models the next day. And then he asked me "Is that all your hair?" Umm... no, this is only half of it. I keep the rest in my closet for fancy events. WHAT? What kind of question was that? And now I don't even know how to describe the rest of his comments. He compliments my hair, saying I could be good for the show, especially because they are allowing 5'6" people to participate (gee thanks for including us tiny, short people!), and that I have nice straight teeth and good eyes aaannnddd.... my skin is ok.
The dude with the flippy braids just told me I have okay skin.
I was so out of there. Luckily I had an excuse to not show up for that casting the next day, so I told him I'd email him my pictures and we'd go from there.
Can you guess what happened next?
I totally didn't send over my pictures. Whoops!
Moral of the story is, I guess my next job isn't going to be modeling. We can cross that one off the list. Now if only he had taken a good look at my hands, I'm sure I could have gotten a hand-modeling job, easy! Oh wait, there's still skin on those. Shoot.
If only I had better than okay skin, then I think my job hunt would be going a lot smoother. Badumm chhh!
(Yes, I just spelled out a drum noise. I'm done now.)
In the midst of all my serious job hunting, I came across one of those ads on Craigslist that said 'Actors Needed.' Those of you familiar with perusing Craigs, you know what I'm talking about. They're totally sketchy and mix actors and models in one big clump (HOW DARE THEY!) and probably want your money before they do anything for you.
So I signed up.
Seriously.
I think the unemployment has gone to my head. I clicked on a link to the website and decided to fill out the application. Oh, it's a standard application, you know, just asking for your name and phone number and eye color and your measurements. The best part was, I was in a coffee shop downtown and had no clue what my measurements were. So, instead of thinking, gosh, this isn't worth it, I instead downloaded a ruler application for my phone, grabbed my computer cord, and measured my hips, waist, and bust. In public. With a computer cord. I do not make this up.
After all that, I submitted it and laughed it off.
And then someone called me. The guy was talking super fast, but basically said that I should come in for an interview, so we set it up and a few days later, off I went. I was a little nervous I was about to get raped and pillaged, but the office location seemed legit. And when I got there, the space was surprisingly nice and lofty and had Project Runway ads all over (maybe they hooked them up with models?? Oh my God, I could be on Project Runway!??!). I had to fill out another form asking for my measurements, which I of course didn't remember, because who on earth memorizes those numbers beside Barbie. I left it blank, thinking they could just look at my online form, and headed into my meeting.
With an eight-foot-tall black man who had shoulder-length braids that he kept flipping all over the place.
Good start, I say.
So I'm talking to this guy, and he's all over the place, and I am confused what exactly this 'interview' is about, but I'm trying to figure out what they are looking for from me. And then the dude starts explaining how auditions work.
Now don't get me wrong, I realize they probably get a lot of inexperienced, potentially weird people in there and have to walk them through how auditioning for theatre works, but that isn't me. And he was talking in detail about how equity actors get gigs compared to non-equity. And I got a little frustrated and started interrupting him before he got out of control with information I didn't need to hear. Obviously, this was not a normal interview. I promise I don't get attitude when meeting for a potential job!
So, that was ok I guess, but left me with a slightly bad taste in my mouth, and also with the knowledge that I wasn't going to be signing anything with them because once I get an agent, I'm not getting one called "Chicago Top Models" to represent me as an actor. (Oops. I guess I let the cat out of the bag on that company's name. Darn.) Especially when it sounds like they would be sending me to the auditions I send myself to. And then taking part of the money in the end. Sounds great to me!
I had already made up my mind by that point, but apparently the interview wasn't over yet. I had brought in a picture of myself like they asked, but apparently they needed digital ones, not a hard copy of my headshot. So, because this guy needs to explain everything in a ridiculous amount of detail, he walks me through what a photo should consist of. It needs to be a copy that they have the rights to use, that is edited and they WILL NOT take unedited photos because there can be NO blemishes or spots AT ALL, and it has to be recent. Meanwhile, he's holding my professional headshot in his hand, that looks exactly like me so it's obviously current, and that is not only done by a renown photographer in the area, but she is so good at her job, they are blemish and spot-free without editing! Janna Giacoppo. She rocks my socks off. Back to my story though. After he goes through all that, he then proceeds to tell me they have an inhouse photographer if I can't afford updating my photos. Ok, to truly understand how ridiculous this comment was, you may want to check out the quality photos on their website. That's all I'll say. Anyways, I quickly interrupted him and let him know mine were current. Sheesh.
And it doesn't end there.
He looked over my form again and realized I didn't have my measurements written down, which I explained that I had submitted them already and I didn't remember.
Not good enough.
Oh no, no, he had to whip out a clothing tape measure and have me lift my shirt up so he could measure my waist and hips. Luckily (for him, because I would have kicked him right in the junk!) he didn't do my bust, just took down my bra size.
So that was fun.
And it still doesn't end there. Right as we were ending things, he tells me that they are having a casting for runway hair models the next day. And then he asked me "Is that all your hair?" Umm... no, this is only half of it. I keep the rest in my closet for fancy events. WHAT? What kind of question was that? And now I don't even know how to describe the rest of his comments. He compliments my hair, saying I could be good for the show, especially because they are allowing 5'6" people to participate (gee thanks for including us tiny, short people!), and that I have nice straight teeth and good eyes aaannnddd.... my skin is ok.
The dude with the flippy braids just told me I have okay skin.
I was so out of there. Luckily I had an excuse to not show up for that casting the next day, so I told him I'd email him my pictures and we'd go from there.
Can you guess what happened next?
I totally didn't send over my pictures. Whoops!
Moral of the story is, I guess my next job isn't going to be modeling. We can cross that one off the list. Now if only he had taken a good look at my hands, I'm sure I could have gotten a hand-modeling job, easy! Oh wait, there's still skin on those. Shoot.
If only I had better than okay skin, then I think my job hunt would be going a lot smoother. Badumm chhh!
(Yes, I just spelled out a drum noise. I'm done now.)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Where do we go from here?
This one's a 'To be continued...' post. I'll let you know that at the beginning so you don't get all disappointed when there's not an ending to the story yet. Because believe me, it is disappointing to not have an end to this one yet. But maybe that means a good end!?
Anywho, over three weeks ago I applied for an entry level HR position with a company that hooks up babysitters with families. Aka, a big networking resource. Now, those of you who know me are probably wondering why I am pursuing a job that deals with kids. Well, here's the thing... it really doesn't! The position would allow me to recruit babysitters and then work with a coworker on matching them with a family. Nothing like the countless day care center reception positions I have applied to, where you have to interact with the rugrats. Oof.
So, I applied, wrote a nice little cover about how much nannying meant to me when I did it for a summer in college (It meant BIRTH CONTROL, that's what it meant! I didn't write that though. That'd be awkward.) Much to my surprise, I get a call about doing a phone interview a few days later. So I work that out and talk to the girl who works mainly with the families there, and answer lots of questions.
Now, as someone who did a lot of the question-asking in the past, I enjoy hearing what kind of questions other people ask on interviews. This one might have topped all other interviews off though. After the standard questions about past positions and the like, she prefaces the next set of questions with how they're a little odd but it's what they've found to work for them. And then she tells me to just pick the one I prefer. And goes through a list:
Mountains or Ocean?
Optimistic or Pessimistic?
Cats or Dogs?
And many others. I was totally honest and it was cool because I didn't know what the hell they were looking for, but she told me afterward that they just need someone who will fit in well because there's about 3 people total in the office spending all their time together.
I like to think that it was my "Pessimistic...? I'd like to say realistic but I guess I'll go with pessimistic if those are my two options." that got me an in-person interview. Suck on that, optimists!
And two and a half weeks later? I'm still waiting on that interview.
In all fairness, the woman rescheduled once for a snowstorm and then again because her kid was sick. But, now I'm out of town for the date she suggested and I haven't heard back about rescheduling.
AND I actually think this job sounds awesome so far.
So, I ask you to cross your fingers or send me your good karma (Please! I don't know how to break my own bad karma!) or whatever, and as I said before...
To be continued...
Anywho, over three weeks ago I applied for an entry level HR position with a company that hooks up babysitters with families. Aka, a big networking resource. Now, those of you who know me are probably wondering why I am pursuing a job that deals with kids. Well, here's the thing... it really doesn't! The position would allow me to recruit babysitters and then work with a coworker on matching them with a family. Nothing like the countless day care center reception positions I have applied to, where you have to interact with the rugrats. Oof.
So, I applied, wrote a nice little cover about how much nannying meant to me when I did it for a summer in college (It meant BIRTH CONTROL, that's what it meant! I didn't write that though. That'd be awkward.) Much to my surprise, I get a call about doing a phone interview a few days later. So I work that out and talk to the girl who works mainly with the families there, and answer lots of questions.
Now, as someone who did a lot of the question-asking in the past, I enjoy hearing what kind of questions other people ask on interviews. This one might have topped all other interviews off though. After the standard questions about past positions and the like, she prefaces the next set of questions with how they're a little odd but it's what they've found to work for them. And then she tells me to just pick the one I prefer. And goes through a list:
Mountains or Ocean?
Optimistic or Pessimistic?
Cats or Dogs?
And many others. I was totally honest and it was cool because I didn't know what the hell they were looking for, but she told me afterward that they just need someone who will fit in well because there's about 3 people total in the office spending all their time together.
I like to think that it was my "Pessimistic...? I'd like to say realistic but I guess I'll go with pessimistic if those are my two options." that got me an in-person interview. Suck on that, optimists!
And two and a half weeks later? I'm still waiting on that interview.
In all fairness, the woman rescheduled once for a snowstorm and then again because her kid was sick. But, now I'm out of town for the date she suggested and I haven't heard back about rescheduling.
AND I actually think this job sounds awesome so far.
So, I ask you to cross your fingers or send me your good karma (Please! I don't know how to break my own bad karma!) or whatever, and as I said before...
To be continued...
Monday, February 22, 2010
Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...
Milton may have been laid off and never told about it, which isn't what happened here, but we both have been moved around all over the place without a lot of regard for what we're interested in.
Yes, I just compared myself to Milton Waddams from Office Space. And now we're going to pretend I didn't just do that, and move on.
Staffing Agencies. I love to hate them, but they're the only ones who can get me a bunch of interviews sometimes.
And those interviews can lead to some great stories, let me tell you.
To start, when I threw myself into this job hunting process, I was getting calls based on my newly updated resume on Careerbuilder and the like, and lots of those were from staffing agencies who either saw my resume or who I unknowingly submitted an application to when I applied for a job somewhere. So, I spoke with two staffing agencies about different positions probably the first week I started looking. One was about a job that I was not interested in, but who wanted to have me come in and interview for other jobs they had open that I might be better for. The other was for a job that sounded ok to me.
So, off I went to both agencies in one week (I hope they're not reading this, because I don't know if I am technically allowed to have two agencies working with me!)
The first one, for the job I didn't want, was kind of like my previous experience with a staffing agency in Madison... except this time I didn't end up going in for an interview and actually end up signing paperwork for the job I was apparently starting a few days later. Well, that kind of did happen. But I'll get back to that. Anyways, it was a dingy, behind-the-times office where I filled out a shit-ton of paperwork, wrote my SSN about 30 times (not nerve-wreaking at all!), and had to take time-consuming and dumb tests about Microsoft Office and my typing skills. At least they didn't send me to a doctor to cut 100 strands of hair off my head at the root though... I'm not interested in having weird baldish spots under my hair again.
After all of this, they start sending me to a variety of interviews for different jobs. Mind you, I told them right away that while I'm on severance pay still, I'm not lowering my standards for positions, meaning I don't want to take a pay cut or work temp jobs... at least not until the need for paychecks becomes real. Well, this information is apparently not important. Because I don't think I went on a single interview that fit within those requests, most of which I didn't know until it was too late. But hey, they get paid when I get paid... so I see where the priorities lie.
First, they sent me to interview for an office manager for an advertising firm. This one was actually not a bad one at all. However, I was pretty much given an entirely different job description from the staffing agency and went into my interview believing the info I knew was correct. And kind of made an ass of myself for it. I had been led to believe it was an 8-5 Monday through Friday position, and hourly wages, which is ideal for my theatre pursuits. And so I talked about doing theatre in the evenings. Turns out it was a salaried position that expects some evening availability. Which I totally have, but spoke as if I didn't. And screwed it up royally. So, I quickly learned to ask more questions about the position when talking to the staffing agency, and use more discretion when interviewing.
Second, I was sent to do a 'working interview' for a media company. I was told that I get paid for the day, and it's basically a test of my skills and personality and if they like me, they might ask me to come back the next day. I was also told this was for an HR position, which is what I'm trying to find. So... awesome!!
Ummm yeah... not so much. Turns out it was strictly a temp position that had nothing to do with HR and basically consisted of me answering 8 phone calls and filing their receipts from 2008 onward. And the best part? They apparently thought it was my first day on the job and I was introduced to the whole company at their staff meeting. Mid-morning I realized it was not what I thought it was and at lunch I called the staffing agency. When I finally spoke to the woman, she said they JUST changed their requirements for the HR position and so I'm no longer qualified, but they liked me and wanted to take me on as a temp for tasks like the ones I had been doing. I was kind of furious at this point. Then, I had to act as a middle man between the staffing agency and their client, explaining what I had been told of the position and how I wasn't currently looking for temp work. However, because I felt guilty about it all, I told her I'd work out the rest of the week so I didn't leave them hanging. Finally, I spent the rest of the day filing for them, until the woman there told me that they decided to bring on someone new the next day I was free to go. Ridiculous. Now (two weeks later), I am still battling it out with the staffing company so I get paid for that "working interview." Oy vey.
Third, and so far, last for this agency, they sent me to an interview for an executive assistant position. But it's not just for your average company. Oh no, no, it's for a self-help guru's organization. Seriously. And I had to do these extensive 'personality' tests before I interviewed. Which of course aren't compatible with a Mac, so something got screwed up and I had to sort it all out with the agency before I could do the interview. So, it gets all arranged and I show up at the office. I'm led into an office with another guy who's competing for the job. And we're told we have to do some more 'personality tests.' So, we start out with a timed one, that's more about math and English than my personality, but whatever. The woman comes in and takes those away, and gives us another one. This one is a true or false one, and no joke, the first question T/F statement is "I think it's okay to shoplift on occasion." It continues on for 49 more statements, including two in a row that were "I have been noticing changes in my body" and "I like guns." By these two, I'm laughing out loud. The dude and I both finish and we're kind of joking about the questions, and I told him my favorite was the gun one. His response? 'I feel like I should say true since I'm sort of a Republican." I have no comment in response to this. Then I start looking around the office. And I see Jesus. EVERYWHERE. There are about 7 different Jesus statues and pictures. My level of uncomfortableness has hit a new high. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or run away. Well, turns out, I didn't need to make the decision. They did it for me. The woman finally comes back in the room... oh, and this was probably important to know, but they had said at the beginning that if you pass the 'personality testing' you'd move on to an interview... and says "Thank you Nicole. You're free to go."
I failed the first personality test. She didn't even see my T/F answers. I have no idea what happened. And apparently, they don't let the staffing agency know how people pass or fail (great use of having a staffing agency send you potential hires, huh?) so I truly have no idea what occurred.
So, I of course came up with my own theory. They had cameras in the room and saw my panicked face at the Republican comment and the Jesuses, and realized I am a liberal Jew and kicked me the hell out of there. There's no other logical explanation.
And that was my experience with the first staffing agency I visited. They haven't called me in over a week now. Granted, I'm not their ideal person to find a job for I'm sure, since I'm definitely picky. But also? I am kind of grateful that they're ignoring me. Because, while having lots of interviews lined up is great, it was obvious they weren't going to hook me up with a job I'd enjoy. But I'll keep you posted if something new comes up, because I am not one to turn down interviews, especially now that this blog is up and running. And we all know it'll be a good story if it's coming from this agency!
Oh, and the other staffing company? Great office, well-kept, up-to-date, friendly and younger employees. But apparently lacking positions that are a good fit for me, as I haven't heard a thing since that first interview. I wasn't a good fit for the job I went in to interview for I guess, but they asked a ton of questions about me and what I'm looking for, and we even had mutual friends. So, I'll take not hearing from them over going on pointless interviews any day!
And thus far, my experience with staffing companies. I am now avoiding applying for positions that come through agencies, which is frustrating sometimes, but I just can't get tangled up in more than two at a time, especially if they're like the first one. And also because they take your social security number right away, and I just don't want that all over the place, ya know?
So, next up then? The three-week-long-process-so-far, only-potential-position I am still a contender for...
Yes, I just compared myself to Milton Waddams from Office Space. And now we're going to pretend I didn't just do that, and move on.
Staffing Agencies. I love to hate them, but they're the only ones who can get me a bunch of interviews sometimes.
And those interviews can lead to some great stories, let me tell you.
To start, when I threw myself into this job hunting process, I was getting calls based on my newly updated resume on Careerbuilder and the like, and lots of those were from staffing agencies who either saw my resume or who I unknowingly submitted an application to when I applied for a job somewhere. So, I spoke with two staffing agencies about different positions probably the first week I started looking. One was about a job that I was not interested in, but who wanted to have me come in and interview for other jobs they had open that I might be better for. The other was for a job that sounded ok to me.
So, off I went to both agencies in one week (I hope they're not reading this, because I don't know if I am technically allowed to have two agencies working with me!)
The first one, for the job I didn't want, was kind of like my previous experience with a staffing agency in Madison... except this time I didn't end up going in for an interview and actually end up signing paperwork for the job I was apparently starting a few days later. Well, that kind of did happen. But I'll get back to that. Anyways, it was a dingy, behind-the-times office where I filled out a shit-ton of paperwork, wrote my SSN about 30 times (not nerve-wreaking at all!), and had to take time-consuming and dumb tests about Microsoft Office and my typing skills. At least they didn't send me to a doctor to cut 100 strands of hair off my head at the root though... I'm not interested in having weird baldish spots under my hair again.
After all of this, they start sending me to a variety of interviews for different jobs. Mind you, I told them right away that while I'm on severance pay still, I'm not lowering my standards for positions, meaning I don't want to take a pay cut or work temp jobs... at least not until the need for paychecks becomes real. Well, this information is apparently not important. Because I don't think I went on a single interview that fit within those requests, most of which I didn't know until it was too late. But hey, they get paid when I get paid... so I see where the priorities lie.
First, they sent me to interview for an office manager for an advertising firm. This one was actually not a bad one at all. However, I was pretty much given an entirely different job description from the staffing agency and went into my interview believing the info I knew was correct. And kind of made an ass of myself for it. I had been led to believe it was an 8-5 Monday through Friday position, and hourly wages, which is ideal for my theatre pursuits. And so I talked about doing theatre in the evenings. Turns out it was a salaried position that expects some evening availability. Which I totally have, but spoke as if I didn't. And screwed it up royally. So, I quickly learned to ask more questions about the position when talking to the staffing agency, and use more discretion when interviewing.
Second, I was sent to do a 'working interview' for a media company. I was told that I get paid for the day, and it's basically a test of my skills and personality and if they like me, they might ask me to come back the next day. I was also told this was for an HR position, which is what I'm trying to find. So... awesome!!
Ummm yeah... not so much. Turns out it was strictly a temp position that had nothing to do with HR and basically consisted of me answering 8 phone calls and filing their receipts from 2008 onward. And the best part? They apparently thought it was my first day on the job and I was introduced to the whole company at their staff meeting. Mid-morning I realized it was not what I thought it was and at lunch I called the staffing agency. When I finally spoke to the woman, she said they JUST changed their requirements for the HR position and so I'm no longer qualified, but they liked me and wanted to take me on as a temp for tasks like the ones I had been doing. I was kind of furious at this point. Then, I had to act as a middle man between the staffing agency and their client, explaining what I had been told of the position and how I wasn't currently looking for temp work. However, because I felt guilty about it all, I told her I'd work out the rest of the week so I didn't leave them hanging. Finally, I spent the rest of the day filing for them, until the woman there told me that they decided to bring on someone new the next day I was free to go. Ridiculous. Now (two weeks later), I am still battling it out with the staffing company so I get paid for that "working interview." Oy vey.
Third, and so far, last for this agency, they sent me to an interview for an executive assistant position. But it's not just for your average company. Oh no, no, it's for a self-help guru's organization. Seriously. And I had to do these extensive 'personality' tests before I interviewed. Which of course aren't compatible with a Mac, so something got screwed up and I had to sort it all out with the agency before I could do the interview. So, it gets all arranged and I show up at the office. I'm led into an office with another guy who's competing for the job. And we're told we have to do some more 'personality tests.' So, we start out with a timed one, that's more about math and English than my personality, but whatever. The woman comes in and takes those away, and gives us another one. This one is a true or false one, and no joke, the first question T/F statement is "I think it's okay to shoplift on occasion." It continues on for 49 more statements, including two in a row that were "I have been noticing changes in my body" and "I like guns." By these two, I'm laughing out loud. The dude and I both finish and we're kind of joking about the questions, and I told him my favorite was the gun one. His response? 'I feel like I should say true since I'm sort of a Republican." I have no comment in response to this. Then I start looking around the office. And I see Jesus. EVERYWHERE. There are about 7 different Jesus statues and pictures. My level of uncomfortableness has hit a new high. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or run away. Well, turns out, I didn't need to make the decision. They did it for me. The woman finally comes back in the room... oh, and this was probably important to know, but they had said at the beginning that if you pass the 'personality testing' you'd move on to an interview... and says "Thank you Nicole. You're free to go."
I failed the first personality test. She didn't even see my T/F answers. I have no idea what happened. And apparently, they don't let the staffing agency know how people pass or fail (great use of having a staffing agency send you potential hires, huh?) so I truly have no idea what occurred.
So, I of course came up with my own theory. They had cameras in the room and saw my panicked face at the Republican comment and the Jesuses, and realized I am a liberal Jew and kicked me the hell out of there. There's no other logical explanation.
And that was my experience with the first staffing agency I visited. They haven't called me in over a week now. Granted, I'm not their ideal person to find a job for I'm sure, since I'm definitely picky. But also? I am kind of grateful that they're ignoring me. Because, while having lots of interviews lined up is great, it was obvious they weren't going to hook me up with a job I'd enjoy. But I'll keep you posted if something new comes up, because I am not one to turn down interviews, especially now that this blog is up and running. And we all know it'll be a good story if it's coming from this agency!
Oh, and the other staffing company? Great office, well-kept, up-to-date, friendly and younger employees. But apparently lacking positions that are a good fit for me, as I haven't heard a thing since that first interview. I wasn't a good fit for the job I went in to interview for I guess, but they asked a ton of questions about me and what I'm looking for, and we even had mutual friends. So, I'll take not hearing from them over going on pointless interviews any day!
And thus far, my experience with staffing companies. I am now avoiding applying for positions that come through agencies, which is frustrating sometimes, but I just can't get tangled up in more than two at a time, especially if they're like the first one. And also because they take your social security number right away, and I just don't want that all over the place, ya know?
So, next up then? The three-week-long-process-so-far, only-potential-position I am still a contender for...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
No direct deposit for me! I'd like my paycheck in the form of a cash wad!
So, this is taking me longer to get up-to-date on where I am in my job huntressing experience right now (I'll give you a hint: it has to do with Playboy). But, ya know, who would have thought trying to find a job while also trying to write about the stories that come from such experiences would be time consuming! Plus, I need to get my free trip to Israel while I'm still young too, so that takes time as well (don't even get me started on how that website needs updating!).
Anyways, this story's short and sweet (Yes, you probably find this ironic, but I'm telling you, I write A LOT and this one is short in comparison.)
After the lovely experience with trying my hand at matchmaking, I was back to the basics of searching for a job. Aka, sitting on my couch while watching crappy daytime TV, sending my resume out to a million places, updating my Careerbuilder and Monster profiles, and selling my abilities to anyone who would listen.
And apparently this one guy would. For a second at least.
If you're at all familiar with the intensity of actively job hunting (which is very different from passively job hunting...learned that one from my brief stint at Careerbuilder!), you know that once you update profiles, you get a lot of calls for kind of crappy positions. And you can't really screen calls, because they are all numbers you don't know and you don't want to miss a one-in-a-million chance. So you answer...and answer.
So, I get this call from some guy who saw my resume online and who's looking for a part-time appointment setter. Obviously, nothing about that is ideal, but I keep listening. Turns out, it's all from home and he basically just needs someone to peruse the various resume databases out there, contact quality candidates, and set up a phone interview with them. And that's pretty much it. And you'd make $10 for each interview you schedule, and only need to take a couple of hours a day doing this work.
It sounded right up my ally, and I could still actively job hunt. Perfect.
And then he spoke the magic words...
"How comfortable would you be with under the table payments?"
Ok guys, you are going to laugh at me, but I had to ask him what he meant by that! I mean, it's not something you ever expect to hear. Plus, the word 'PROSTITUTION' was kind of drowning out any logical thought in my brain. But then I thought about it, and since I'm collecting unemployment currently, it actually sounded like a decent plan. No taxes to deal with, I'd still get my unemployment money while I was searching for a real job, and I'd have cash.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't really think about how I'd get the cash from this dude, which could have been problematic.
But it wasn't. Because he told me he'd talk to his "partner" and get back to me within the next few days about what I'd need to be doing and all of those deals.
And then he never called me back.
Of course, this wasn't a new experience in my life, having a man not call me back. And really, he was definitely in the category of men that you are MUCH better off never hearing from again.
But here's my question. If I didn't get the "job", who did?? I mean, I told him I was cool with getting paid under the table (I'm sorry, but there are just soooo many images that come with stating that phrase!) and I have recruiting experience and I worked at one of the job sites he wanted candidates to come from. So... what the hell happened there? That's not an easy question to pop on someone you're speaking with for the first time and who you don't know at all. I could have been an undercover cop, for all he knew, and shut down his business immediately.
Which brings me to my point.
He had to have gotten arrested. There's no other possible result. The dude's rotting in jail, wishing he hired me instead of calling that last person and blowing his cover.
I could have saved his life and his company.
But oh well, it's just onwards and upwards with me... and into the lovely, classy, comfortable, not-even-close-to-making-you-feel-like-you're-at-the-end-of-your-rope-and-becoming-a-waitress-at-Hooters-might-be-a-better-idea waiting rooms of temp agencies!
Anyways, this story's short and sweet (Yes, you probably find this ironic, but I'm telling you, I write A LOT and this one is short in comparison.)
After the lovely experience with trying my hand at matchmaking, I was back to the basics of searching for a job. Aka, sitting on my couch while watching crappy daytime TV, sending my resume out to a million places, updating my Careerbuilder and Monster profiles, and selling my abilities to anyone who would listen.
And apparently this one guy would. For a second at least.
If you're at all familiar with the intensity of actively job hunting (which is very different from passively job hunting...learned that one from my brief stint at Careerbuilder!), you know that once you update profiles, you get a lot of calls for kind of crappy positions. And you can't really screen calls, because they are all numbers you don't know and you don't want to miss a one-in-a-million chance. So you answer...and answer.
So, I get this call from some guy who saw my resume online and who's looking for a part-time appointment setter. Obviously, nothing about that is ideal, but I keep listening. Turns out, it's all from home and he basically just needs someone to peruse the various resume databases out there, contact quality candidates, and set up a phone interview with them. And that's pretty much it. And you'd make $10 for each interview you schedule, and only need to take a couple of hours a day doing this work.
It sounded right up my ally, and I could still actively job hunt. Perfect.
And then he spoke the magic words...
"How comfortable would you be with under the table payments?"
Ok guys, you are going to laugh at me, but I had to ask him what he meant by that! I mean, it's not something you ever expect to hear. Plus, the word 'PROSTITUTION' was kind of drowning out any logical thought in my brain. But then I thought about it, and since I'm collecting unemployment currently, it actually sounded like a decent plan. No taxes to deal with, I'd still get my unemployment money while I was searching for a real job, and I'd have cash.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't really think about how I'd get the cash from this dude, which could have been problematic.
But it wasn't. Because he told me he'd talk to his "partner" and get back to me within the next few days about what I'd need to be doing and all of those deals.
And then he never called me back.
Of course, this wasn't a new experience in my life, having a man not call me back. And really, he was definitely in the category of men that you are MUCH better off never hearing from again.
But here's my question. If I didn't get the "job", who did?? I mean, I told him I was cool with getting paid under the table (I'm sorry, but there are just soooo many images that come with stating that phrase!) and I have recruiting experience and I worked at one of the job sites he wanted candidates to come from. So... what the hell happened there? That's not an easy question to pop on someone you're speaking with for the first time and who you don't know at all. I could have been an undercover cop, for all he knew, and shut down his business immediately.
Which brings me to my point.
He had to have gotten arrested. There's no other possible result. The dude's rotting in jail, wishing he hired me instead of calling that last person and blowing his cover.
I could have saved his life and his company.
But oh well, it's just onwards and upwards with me... and into the lovely, classy, comfortable, not-even-close-to-making-you-feel-like-you're-at-the-end-of-your-rope-and-becoming-a-waitress-at-Hooters-might-be-a-better-idea waiting rooms of temp agencies!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match!
What would you do if you came across a job posting that simply said "Dating Organizer"? Would you immediately laugh and continue on past the posting? Would you send a message to the job search site, letting them know someone's spamming them? Or would your eyes immediately light up, and your hand start shaking with excitement and anticipation as you click open the job description?
If you chose options one or two, stop reading. This is not the blog for you. If your eyes lit up and your hands started shaking just from reading that first sentence, hello and welcome to my job hunt!
Yes, the first job I seriously applied for was for a "Dating Organizer". Ok, so maybe you're now thinking I bring this on myself, these stories that come with my job hunt. And maybe I do. Because who wouldn't immediately think of how they can be just like Patti Stanger, hooking up millionaires with trophy wives and telling them about how you know there's attraction there when the penis gets up from the couch?? And that's what I thought I was getting into. I prepared for that. I didn't prepare for a 90's dating service. If I had, I would have worn my pantsuit, dammit!
Getting that interview after submitting my resume was like a dream come true. I was still visiting people, not even back at home getting started with my hardcore searching. I thought my job search was over. I thought it was a miracle. They liked me! They really liked me! My Jewish grandmother is going to be so proud. My mom and her girlfriends will want to talk about all the men I set people up with. I'm in the money!
I arrived back in Chicago, fresh-faced and chipper, with my new teal pumps (ok, so maybe, subconsciously, I did realize I was about to go back to 1993.) ready to dive into their first taste of snow. I buzz into the office and enter a hallway with dark carpet, dim lighting, and salmon walls.
Ok, this is soothing, quiet, eases the nerves of someone looking for love. Great. Perfect.
I'm lead into a small room, with two chairs, tables with pamphlets and forms for prospective clients, a digital camera, and framed articles lining the walls. I'm offered water, and I accept. She brings me a Styrofoam cup of water. Ok, well, didn't know those still existed, but hey, not everyone can be concerned with the environment at all times. Maybe they're just using up the last of an old supply. No big deal. I'm asked a few questions about my resume, easy-peasy, and the woman says she's going to grab her boss to interview me in more detail, so I wait for a bit in the room. I start to look at the articles. Wow, they were really popular back in the 90s. Really successful. Great, all about a woman starting up her own company because she was screwed over by a guy. I'm a feminist, I love that, I'm perfect for this place!
I was still missing the clues, but not for long. In walks the boss lady, who sits down and starts asking me more questions about my resume. And here's where I wish I could record this, and not just type it out. But I guess I have to try to describe the voice. Imagine watching your mom, or a sweet aunt of yours, talking to a 7-year-old child. She's asking the child about a project they did. She talks for a second about the project and what she noticed about it, and then asks the kid, very slowly and at an adult-talking-to-a-young-child level, 'do you think you could do something like this again?' Does this make sense? It's impossible to describe, but basically I was interviewed by a woman who talked down to me the entire time. It was uncomfortable and awkward, and I didn't like her much right off the back, but my spirit still wasn't broken. I had hope.
And then I 'shadowed' an employee. And I was thrust into the world of sales once again. But this time, instead of being surrounded by competitive, macho men, I was surrounded by over-dressed, rapid-speaking, coastie women. If you don't get that comment, you didn't go to UW-Madison, and I apologize for any confusion, but that's as far as I will go with that description. (However, feel free to check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw9ODIZj40w to learn more!) Now, let me mention here that I am not one of those girls who could live in a house filled with women and be happy and cheerful and content. No, I'd be one of those girls who goes to prison for lighting said house on fire. I am not made to be a sorority girl, or anything of the sort. So, immediately, I'm uneasy about the lack of men and about the intensity of the women.
And then the fatal flaw made its obvious, horrible appearance. NO COMPUTERS.
They did not use computers.
At all.
As someone who has obviously figured out a way to read this post, you probably understand the gravity of this situation. And for me, as someone who was just working with a company that prided themselves on being the most up-to-date with technology they could possibly be, this was like stepping into the Twilight Zone. And what made me cringe even more was the system they were using. They had paper files of all of their clients, stapled together in clumps, and separated into rolling filing bins that they moved around the office as one person talked to a client about someone another employee had the file for.
I get that they wanted to separate themselves from the world of online dating, that they wanted to make it more personal. I understand that, I think that's great. I do not understand how this made them an efficient, powerhouse of a company that worked toward their clients' best interests. Because it didn't, it couldn't. I didn't get it. I didn't understand how rapidly calling all of their clients and trying to keep phone calls short so a quota could be hit by the end of the day made their service more personal. I WAS LOST. My fingers kept twitching for my phone, needing to know technology was still there, nearby, not gone forever. I didn't know what was happening in the world and I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
So, needless to say, I was uncomfortable. I faked my way through the last portion of the interview, telling them in a panic that I could definitely see myself doing such a job and how great I'd be for it, and booked it out of there. My spirit was deflated. My Yente dreams were crushed. I couldn't ever work in a place that pumped out Muzak for their employees and stored everything on paper and in huge filing cabinets. The amount of time it would take to find a client's information when they called in was astonishing to me. How do you search for something without typing it into a database?? And it was straight up sales... they weren't helping people with a huge decision in life, they were selling people to other people, just to hit their numbers.
And as I walked to the train on that cold January afternoon, feeling like this job hunting thing wasn't quite the adventure I thought it could be, I remembered one thing.
It's 2010, not 1993 anymore. I immediately grabbed my brand new smart phone, called my friends, and told them about how I wasn't going to be a professional matchmaker, but I was thinking about blogging about my job hunting experience instead. On this thing called the internet, that you can get to on computers. And then I suggested we go to a bar that weekend, where I get to play wingwoman... a much better role than matchmaker, if you ask me.
And I moved onward and upward...to a brief phone interview that asked the one question you never expect to hear... outside of the Mob, that is.
If you chose options one or two, stop reading. This is not the blog for you. If your eyes lit up and your hands started shaking just from reading that first sentence, hello and welcome to my job hunt!
Yes, the first job I seriously applied for was for a "Dating Organizer". Ok, so maybe you're now thinking I bring this on myself, these stories that come with my job hunt. And maybe I do. Because who wouldn't immediately think of how they can be just like Patti Stanger, hooking up millionaires with trophy wives and telling them about how you know there's attraction there when the penis gets up from the couch?? And that's what I thought I was getting into. I prepared for that. I didn't prepare for a 90's dating service. If I had, I would have worn my pantsuit, dammit!
Getting that interview after submitting my resume was like a dream come true. I was still visiting people, not even back at home getting started with my hardcore searching. I thought my job search was over. I thought it was a miracle. They liked me! They really liked me! My Jewish grandmother is going to be so proud. My mom and her girlfriends will want to talk about all the men I set people up with. I'm in the money!
I arrived back in Chicago, fresh-faced and chipper, with my new teal pumps (ok, so maybe, subconsciously, I did realize I was about to go back to 1993.) ready to dive into their first taste of snow. I buzz into the office and enter a hallway with dark carpet, dim lighting, and salmon walls.
Ok, this is soothing, quiet, eases the nerves of someone looking for love. Great. Perfect.
I'm lead into a small room, with two chairs, tables with pamphlets and forms for prospective clients, a digital camera, and framed articles lining the walls. I'm offered water, and I accept. She brings me a Styrofoam cup of water. Ok, well, didn't know those still existed, but hey, not everyone can be concerned with the environment at all times. Maybe they're just using up the last of an old supply. No big deal. I'm asked a few questions about my resume, easy-peasy, and the woman says she's going to grab her boss to interview me in more detail, so I wait for a bit in the room. I start to look at the articles. Wow, they were really popular back in the 90s. Really successful. Great, all about a woman starting up her own company because she was screwed over by a guy. I'm a feminist, I love that, I'm perfect for this place!
I was still missing the clues, but not for long. In walks the boss lady, who sits down and starts asking me more questions about my resume. And here's where I wish I could record this, and not just type it out. But I guess I have to try to describe the voice. Imagine watching your mom, or a sweet aunt of yours, talking to a 7-year-old child. She's asking the child about a project they did. She talks for a second about the project and what she noticed about it, and then asks the kid, very slowly and at an adult-talking-to-a-young-child level, 'do you think you could do something like this again?' Does this make sense? It's impossible to describe, but basically I was interviewed by a woman who talked down to me the entire time. It was uncomfortable and awkward, and I didn't like her much right off the back, but my spirit still wasn't broken. I had hope.
And then I 'shadowed' an employee. And I was thrust into the world of sales once again. But this time, instead of being surrounded by competitive, macho men, I was surrounded by over-dressed, rapid-speaking, coastie women. If you don't get that comment, you didn't go to UW-Madison, and I apologize for any confusion, but that's as far as I will go with that description. (However, feel free to check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw9ODIZj40w to learn more!) Now, let me mention here that I am not one of those girls who could live in a house filled with women and be happy and cheerful and content. No, I'd be one of those girls who goes to prison for lighting said house on fire. I am not made to be a sorority girl, or anything of the sort. So, immediately, I'm uneasy about the lack of men and about the intensity of the women.
And then the fatal flaw made its obvious, horrible appearance. NO COMPUTERS.
They did not use computers.
At all.
As someone who has obviously figured out a way to read this post, you probably understand the gravity of this situation. And for me, as someone who was just working with a company that prided themselves on being the most up-to-date with technology they could possibly be, this was like stepping into the Twilight Zone. And what made me cringe even more was the system they were using. They had paper files of all of their clients, stapled together in clumps, and separated into rolling filing bins that they moved around the office as one person talked to a client about someone another employee had the file for.
I get that they wanted to separate themselves from the world of online dating, that they wanted to make it more personal. I understand that, I think that's great. I do not understand how this made them an efficient, powerhouse of a company that worked toward their clients' best interests. Because it didn't, it couldn't. I didn't get it. I didn't understand how rapidly calling all of their clients and trying to keep phone calls short so a quota could be hit by the end of the day made their service more personal. I WAS LOST. My fingers kept twitching for my phone, needing to know technology was still there, nearby, not gone forever. I didn't know what was happening in the world and I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
So, needless to say, I was uncomfortable. I faked my way through the last portion of the interview, telling them in a panic that I could definitely see myself doing such a job and how great I'd be for it, and booked it out of there. My spirit was deflated. My Yente dreams were crushed. I couldn't ever work in a place that pumped out Muzak for their employees and stored everything on paper and in huge filing cabinets. The amount of time it would take to find a client's information when they called in was astonishing to me. How do you search for something without typing it into a database?? And it was straight up sales... they weren't helping people with a huge decision in life, they were selling people to other people, just to hit their numbers.
And as I walked to the train on that cold January afternoon, feeling like this job hunting thing wasn't quite the adventure I thought it could be, I remembered one thing.
It's 2010, not 1993 anymore. I immediately grabbed my brand new smart phone, called my friends, and told them about how I wasn't going to be a professional matchmaker, but I was thinking about blogging about my job hunting experience instead. On this thing called the internet, that you can get to on computers. And then I suggested we go to a bar that weekend, where I get to play wingwoman... a much better role than matchmaker, if you ask me.
And I moved onward and upward...to a brief phone interview that asked the one question you never expect to hear... outside of the Mob, that is.
Heading out into the jungle
Hello world.
Yes, I am jumping to the conclusion that the entire world is reading this. Or will be shortly.
Let me start my blogging experience by explaining why I have joined you here, as a public figure (public icon, perhaps?) on the world wide web. I was laid off from my job mid-January. Wah wah wah, I know. But here's the real point. Since then, I have obviously been searching for jobs all over the internet, applying for the ones that strike my fancy, and even interviewing for some. And through this grandiose experience, oh-so-many stories have come about. And I decided it's not fair to keep these experiences to myself, especially when there are probably many other people out there who can relate. So I come here today to share my experiences with you. I don't know if it will make you laugh, make you feel like you're not alone, make you worry about the state of the economy and let's face it, the whole world, or just make you glad you're not going through this. None of that even matters. What matters is that I have had some ridiculous job hunting experiences and it's time to take them to the web.
And so it begins with my pursuit to be a matchmaker...
Yes, I am jumping to the conclusion that the entire world is reading this. Or will be shortly.
Let me start my blogging experience by explaining why I have joined you here, as a public figure (public icon, perhaps?) on the world wide web. I was laid off from my job mid-January. Wah wah wah, I know. But here's the real point. Since then, I have obviously been searching for jobs all over the internet, applying for the ones that strike my fancy, and even interviewing for some. And through this grandiose experience, oh-so-many stories have come about. And I decided it's not fair to keep these experiences to myself, especially when there are probably many other people out there who can relate. So I come here today to share my experiences with you. I don't know if it will make you laugh, make you feel like you're not alone, make you worry about the state of the economy and let's face it, the whole world, or just make you glad you're not going through this. None of that even matters. What matters is that I have had some ridiculous job hunting experiences and it's time to take them to the web.
And so it begins with my pursuit to be a matchmaker...
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