"It's a Walk-Off!"

This one's a little embarrassing, but hey, I signed up for this so I have to suffer the consequences.

In the midst of all my serious job hunting, I came across one of those ads on Craigslist that said 'Actors Needed.' Those of you familiar with perusing Craigs, you know what I'm talking about. They're totally sketchy and mix actors and models in one big clump (HOW DARE THEY!) and probably want your money before they do anything for you.

So I signed up.

Seriously.

I think the unemployment has gone to my head. I clicked on a link to the website and decided to fill out the application. Oh, it's a standard application, you know, just asking for your name and phone number and eye color and your measurements. The best part was, I was in a coffee shop downtown and had no clue what my measurements were. So, instead of thinking, gosh, this isn't worth it, I instead downloaded a ruler application for my phone, grabbed my computer cord, and measured my hips, waist, and bust. In public. With a computer cord. I do not make this up.

After all that, I submitted it and laughed it off.

And then someone called me. The guy was talking super fast, but basically said that I should come in for an interview, so we set it up and a few days later, off I went. I was a little nervous I was about to get raped and pillaged, but the office location seemed legit. And when I got there, the space was surprisingly nice and lofty and had Project Runway ads all over (maybe they hooked them up with models?? Oh my God, I could be on Project Runway!??!). I had to fill out another form asking for my measurements, which I of course didn't remember, because who on earth memorizes those numbers beside Barbie. I left it blank, thinking they could just look at my online form, and headed into my meeting.

With an eight-foot-tall black man who had shoulder-length braids that he kept flipping all over the place.

Good start, I say.

So I'm talking to this guy, and he's all over the place, and I am confused what exactly this 'interview' is about, but I'm trying to figure out what they are looking for from me. And then the dude starts explaining how auditions work.

Now don't get me wrong, I realize they probably get a lot of inexperienced, potentially weird people in there and have to walk them through how auditioning for theatre works, but that isn't me. And he was talking in detail about how equity actors get gigs compared to non-equity. And I got a little frustrated and started interrupting him before he got out of control with information I didn't need to hear. Obviously, this was not a normal interview. I promise I don't get attitude when meeting for a potential job!

So, that was ok I guess, but left me with a slightly bad taste in my mouth, and also with the knowledge that I wasn't going to be signing anything with them because once I get an agent, I'm not getting one called "Chicago Top Models" to represent me as an actor. (Oops. I guess I let the cat out of the bag on that company's name. Darn.) Especially when it sounds like they would be sending me to the auditions I send myself to. And then taking part of the money in the end. Sounds great to me!

I had already made up my mind by that point, but apparently the interview wasn't over yet. I had brought in a picture of myself like they asked, but apparently they needed digital ones, not a hard copy of my headshot. So, because this guy needs to explain everything in a ridiculous amount of detail, he walks me through what a photo should consist of. It needs to be a copy that they have the rights to use, that is edited and they WILL NOT take unedited photos because there can be NO blemishes or spots AT ALL, and it has to be recent. Meanwhile, he's holding my professional headshot in his hand, that looks exactly like me so it's obviously current, and that is not only done by a renown photographer in the area, but she is so good at her job, they are blemish and spot-free without editing! Janna Giacoppo. She rocks my socks off. Back to my story though. After he goes through all that, he then proceeds to tell me they have an inhouse photographer if I can't afford updating my photos. Ok, to truly understand how ridiculous this comment was, you may want to check out the quality photos on their website. That's all I'll say. Anyways, I quickly interrupted him and let him know mine were current. Sheesh.

And it doesn't end there.

He looked over my form again and realized I didn't have my measurements written down, which I explained that I had submitted them already and I didn't remember.

Not good enough.

Oh no, no, he had to whip out a clothing tape measure and have me lift my shirt up so he could measure my waist and hips. Luckily (for him, because I would have kicked him right in the junk!) he didn't do my bust, just took down my bra size.

So that was fun.

And it still doesn't end there. Right as we were ending things, he tells me that they are having a casting for runway hair models the next day. And then he asked me "Is that all your hair?" Umm... no, this is only half of it. I keep the rest in my closet for fancy events. WHAT? What kind of question was that? And now I don't even know how to describe the rest of his comments. He compliments my hair, saying I could be good for the show, especially because they are allowing 5'6" people to participate (gee thanks for including us tiny, short people!), and that I have nice straight teeth and good eyes aaannnddd.... my skin is ok.

The dude with the flippy braids just told me I have okay skin.

I was so out of there. Luckily I had an excuse to not show up for that casting the next day, so I told him I'd email him my pictures and we'd go from there.

Can you guess what happened next?

I totally didn't send over my pictures. Whoops!

Moral of the story is, I guess my next job isn't going to be modeling. We can cross that one off the list. Now if only he had taken a good look at my hands, I'm sure I could have gotten a hand-modeling job, easy! Oh wait, there's still skin on those. Shoot.

If only I had better than okay skin, then I think my job hunt would be going a lot smoother. Badumm chhh!

(Yes, I just spelled out a drum noise. I'm done now.)