"Purpose. It's that little flame that lights a fire under your ass."

Hey there folks.

So, I have two jobs. Somehow, this just hit me yesterday. What the hell am I thinking?? I am the busiest person in the world already (which I like, but still), and here I go, taking on a whole new commitment when I don't really have the time to do it. For example, if this job would like me to do some work stuff on weekday evenings next month, which it would, it has to be after 7pm, which it is not. I mean, I have friends (and parents) who go to bed around 7pm!! And weekends? Not a single free weekend in the month of June.

So, this could be fun. Here's the thing though. I really want to make it work. I am so desperate to do something I love as a job, that I'm willing to take on a part time position while I already work a full time position. Oh, and I hope to be volunteering in the fall. At two different places. Seriously. Friends, if you want to see me at all, we're running out of time. Unless you feel like volunteering with me in the future (PAWS and the Center on Halsted are the goals, FYI).

Speaking of desperate for finding a job I love, it's really damn hard! I graduated college and moved to the big city with every intention of becoming an actress. I never thought I'd become a celebrity, or even get into film or movies. Honestly, I don't know what I thought I'd become. A famous Shakespearean actress? Is that even possible in this day and age (and as an American)?? Anyways, after a few years (and using the "I need to live here to be an actress and therefore you need to live here too" excuse to convince the bf to move to Chicago), I realized that's not for me. I love theatre too much to try and make a life out of it. Does that make sense? Well, if not, it does to me, so shut up.

So, my life purpose since I was 13, SHATTERED. Great. Now what?

Years of data entry and half-brainless work, that's what. And at 26, surrounded by 23-somethings who are working their first job out of college, I'm realizing that maybe it's time for something new. Hence the two job thing I have going on right now. And the future volunteering hopes.

Well, ok, one of those is because I probably want a puppy (meaning an older, housetrained, cool-with-a-busy-momma dog), and I refuse to do anything but adopt, and I refuse to adopt without putting in the time and effort to befriend the dog before I thrust it into my life.

But the other one is because I'm starting to think I want to work with LGBT youth/teens. My life's purpose, perhaps? I mean, those of you who know me, know how this actually makes a lot of sense in my life. So, if job number two doesn't work out for me, maybe I'll be a counselor someday and help LGBT kids know they're important, even if the world doesn't always make them feel that way. Though my big fear is that a counselor probably can't be crying all the time, and since I'm usually an emotional wreak, that really could be an issue. I cry at commercials, for God's sake!

So anyways, these are my thoughts about trying to find a purpose. I'm sure it'll change next week, as that's how it usually goes with me. And I'll probably decide I do want to be an actress now. Or I'll go back to thinking I should work in HR/Recruiting. Which will at least bring back some awesome and hilarious stories about interviews again! Or I'll become extremely fixated on finding a job just like the one I had in college. Or I'll get access to the internet back at work and get instantly lazy because I can visit Facebook and blogs and watch Netflix and HBO all day long, and that's fine with me.

Sometimes, I really wish I woke up one day early on and said "I'm going to be a doctor" or "I'm going to be a teacher" or "I'm going to be a mechanic" or "I'm going to be a firefighter." And that would be that.

But nooooo. I had to be the kid who liked reading books so much, and watching movies so much, that I decided life in a fantasy world was the best. And being an actress was a good try at achieving life in a fantasy world. And now a job where I watch Hulu while I work is the best alternative.

I blame Bravo's reality TV (which is STILL not easily accessible online!! Come on, Cohen! I'm a die-hard. You need to reward me for having loved you since back when you were the only gay-friendly channel on TV, filled with arts and theatre-y stuff, and provide me with my shows even though I can't afford to give you any money by getting cable!!).

It started with "The It Factor" (and yes, I did know who Jeremy Renner was before he really became famous). I saw that, and BAM! I envisioned my whole life... though apparently the fact that pretty much no one was successful by the end of that show didn't really click with me. Sidenote: Can someone get that show on DVD, stat!? And now you've got Bethany, who is brilliant and sarcastic and a multi-multi-millionaire because she cooked some food (remember when she used to do that?) and made a margarita mix. And Patti Stanger, who has made her life out of basically being Yente! And yes, I think we all remembered when I tried matchmaking. See how my life is influenced?? And now there's that crazy lispy Australian who is famous for teaching rich people how to have babies. And don't worry, I won't even mention any of the Real Housewives.

And you wonder why I can't find a purpose, when this is how I fill my time?

Speaking of which, this song is too good and too perfect to not be shared in it's entirety: Purpose - Avenue Q. Happy Tuesday!

"Everybody's working for the weekend!" Or, you know, on the weekends.

I think I need to revamp my blog. And I don't mean my writing style, because, duh, it's perfect. I mean the layout and all that jazz. It's really dull and boring. I still love my huntress image, because who wouldn't love a woman with a bow and arrow??

Sidenote: I signed up for archery lessons. FOR REAL. Yes, I sorta feel like Legolas (but cooler and way less of a Captain Obvious by movie number three). And I'm really excited. And I may write about it, even though it's not really on topic.

Anyways, I think I need to make this more appealing and fun. Anyone have any ideas/suggestions? Clearly, I don't have a ton of time to put into this right now (more on my busy schedule in a moment), but I can attempt to put some more effort into this site, even if it's at work since I won't have internet at home until September (aka, when I move and have a "roommate" again). Yes, I am annoyed by that. No, I will not fork over cash for 3 months of over-priced and impossible-to-get-out-of internet access. Yes, I am also debating installing my new window air conditioner by myself to avoid paying $30 a month on top of my rent to use it. No, I will not actually cheat my property management out of $90 bucks for a summer of sweet sweet cold air when I already don't pay any utilities (but I'm still thinking about it as if I would).

Moving on from blabbing on about my cheap ways and boring blog layout (which, by the way, was inspired by a reallllly funny and not-at-all-related-to-me-in-any-sense-because-I-am-totally-anonymous-here site ), let me fill you in on why I'm about to be an even busier person!

So, I had my follow up interview and learned some things. 1) People have interviews in coffee shops not because they're not serious about interviewing but because sometimes they are not based out of an office and that's a better spot than the street corner or the grocery store or something. 2) Part time job doesn't always mean 20 or so hours a week. Sometimes it just means part of the time you are available. 3) I want to work with fun people again and this could potentially lead to that!

I also learned a ton of more crazy connections between the person interviewing me and myself (I won't go into detail, but let's just say friends in common, a connection via former employer's relative, and former residences in common are a few examples).

And then a few days later, after the interview went great and left me really excited, knowing I could keep my current bill-paying job and still take on another fun-and-resume-building job for a few hours a month or so, I was officially offered the position! Hurrah! So I guess this was a short-lived job huntressing session? Don't worry, I'll keep writing (and I really mean it this time), as we all know awkward encounters happen all the time in my life. Plus, this gig could provide quite a few more.

So, it seems like I not only will be working full time this summer, but now I will be working part time as well, and that's all on top of traveling, being a maid of honor at one wedding and attending 3 others, and looking for a new apartment. The poor bf is going to be even more excited to be living with me in the fall after barely seeing me all summer long!

And there you have it.

Also, to those of you who were inspired by my blog back in the day, because you could relate to the out-of-work, crazy-interviews, and struggle-to-make-a-life-for-yourself issues in my world, I promise you, this isn't what I ever imagined for myself, or really even wanted. I'm cool with the way things are shaping up right now, because I'm desperate for a change, and I'm really looking for a purpose, or a career, or whatever you want to call it. But I also don't love the fact that I'm working one job simply to pay my bills and then working another job just so that I can have a job I (might) like, and meanwhile, I'll have no time to do anything else, including theatre, for quite some time. I've also been wanting to volunteer with the Humane Society for a while now (though I really do need to wait until I am able to have a dog before I surround myself with ones that are waiting to be adopted and where I'll surely fall in love with them all) and also with the Center on Halsted, which is a great resource for the LGBT community. So I guess those will have to wait. Because money comes first in this world, and then happiness, and then the freedom to do what I really want to do. Right? That's how it works?? So, kind followers and friends, don't fret. I'm not a different person and I still can relate with all your hilarious and/or horror stories. And when I'm ready for another change a few months from now, I'll be writing about those again as usual.

But in the meantime, I'll keep filling you in on the awkwardness of trying to find my place in this working world...

"Turn around. Every now and then I get a little bit restless..."

Eating my words right about now.

The meet and greet was surprisingly great. First, it reminded me that I am good at talking to strangers. I don't know why or how I forgot that. Sometimes I think I'm shy for some reason, and then I get into a public place and I remember that I am the opposite of shy. Literally. I am loud and overly chatty and everything that is not meek and mild and quiet. So, next time I think that I am too shy to talk to strangers in a meet and greet, please remind me of this post, mmkay? Thanks.

Second, I realized, from remembering that I can handle myself well in group settings, that I actually kind of want to host events (what this potential part time job is about). Seriously, my favorite job EVER was doing just that in college. Of course I want to do that again! Especially when it's not for underage college kids who only want to drink and have no desire to ever attend your stupid movie night.

Third, I know the person hiring. Seriously. This world is so small sometimes, it's creepy. I went to high school with her boyfriend, she went to college with me, she knows a lot of people I know (possibly some of you, but I'm not saying more because I'm trying to be anonymous, remember??), and she's cool. Like, would be a good time to work with cool.

So what does all this mean? It means I'm so stupid. So stupid Rose, I'm so stupid. Why am I doing this to myself?? I can't get a part time job! I can't quit my current job for a part time job! In my warped little mind, I keep thinking that maybe it's just a few hours commitment a week, like one event on the weekend or something. And then I can do both. I always want everything. And I never want to compromise to get everything. So my brain keeps telling me that I will get everything, just how I want it. Logical, right? Here's the best part too. I actually heard back about that second opportunity I already wrote off (Of course. I have no patience whatsoever). And that's part time, daytime. So, in an even more twisted 'I am the center of the universe' thought process, I keep thinking about how AWESOME it would be if I got both part time gigs and lived a perfect little life...though probably sans health insurance then. But hey! It's a perfect world, so why would I even need that!?

So, this whole half-hearted job huntressing thing I decided to start up on a whim is now turning into me either working a full time AND part time job, one for income and benefits and one because I want to do something I actually like. Or it's turning into me working part time at one place and then part time at Starbucks or something too. OR it's turning into me staying put and leading people who I think are cool on and telling them I can't do this job after all.

Or they might just not like me and it won't matter.

But I guess I'll find out next week when I finished my round two interview!

Also, there were some oddddddd people at that meet and greet. Socially inept. One in particular, who seemed like a genius in terms of books and studies, but not so great at making people feel comfortable when you talked to them. I wonder if that person is going to round two. I wonder if having a beer with a group of 20 people for a hour even allows you the time and knowledge to not move someone further into the hiring process. It's either a really pointless first step, or a completely genius one. If you can't drink a beer with someone easily, why the hell would you hire them?? Ok, I'm leaning toward the totally genius method.

What isn't genius though? Having this other possible part time thing be an audition for a children's theatre company and not preparing your song/monologue at all until late Friday evening or possibly Saturday morning 10 minutes before leaving for said audition. This? Is why I wasn't doing so well with the whole "trying to be a famous actress' thing. You actually need to practice before you audition. And not tell yourself you do better sort of winging it (though I completely do!).

But look! Now I have more to write about in the near future! Rejoice!

PS...Sorry this whole "trying not to be discovered/piss off my current or possible future company/have a boatload of bad karma coming my way" is making me less snarky in here. It hurts me more than it does you, I promise.

"I will follow you..." (Get it!? This is a follow-up post!)

Is it sad that the real reason I don't really want to do this whole meet and greet thing tonight is because I don't have cable?

Ok, let me explain.

I don't have cable. But the bf does. With DVR. And since the obligation that's making me leave this shindig early is picking him up from the airport in my car that I park by his place, all I can think about is how if I went straight over there after work, I'd be able to watch Sunday's "Game of Thrones" before having to leave to get him. And maybe even start some of Monday's "Bethany Ever After." But now I have to wait til after we get back from the airport. And then I'd basically have to take over the TV from both him and his roommate. And while I don't really feel bad about that because I really want to watch my damn shows that aren't on Hulu and therefore cannot be watching during the work day, and that desire trumps even the fact that they actually live there and pay the bills, I still feel guilty the whole time. And who can enjoy a good mix of medieval sci-fy and a crazy/sarcastic Manhattan couple with a baby when they feel guilty!!? Exactly.

So, my point is, this better be a good time, because I have a lot of TV to watch and now I have very little time to do it!

And no, it cannot wait another day. A) Because I have no patience and this is about the end of my rope (and yet I'm too cheap to even consider getting cable for myself). And B) because he's out of town for the weekend and going over to his and the roommate's apartment just to watch TV for a few hours by myself is a little creepy. Though, if need be, still totally possible.

"What have I done? Sweet Jesus, what have I done? Become a thief in the night, Become a dog on the run"

These lyrics BARELY fit the topic at hand, but hey, I like Les Mis and while I'm not really a thief or a dog at all...

I don't know what I've gotten myself into.

Hahahaha. What a weak title-topic connection. I'll get better, I promise. I'm rusty!

In my last post I mentioned I was waiting to hear back about some stuff before I filled you all in on it. Right? I did write that? I can't even remember a few days ago. This is ridiculous. Brain. Is. Fried. Well anyways, one of those two possibilities left me high and dry, which I'm a little more than irked about, but hey, that's life. I'm still kind of hoping they'll get back to me tonight or tomorrow, but since it was a part-time thing that I was kind of hesitant about to begin with, as it involved children, I'm not too concerned. But yes, I will be irritated with them for a while. Just as I was with the theatre-that-will-not-be-named that handled things very unprofessionally back in the day when I applied to an internship. (Hint: this recent one is a theatre too).

Did I not write about that other situation? Whoops. That was during my too-miserable-about-my-career-to-do-anything days. Anyways, let's just say when you have a phone interview with someone, and you mention on that phone interview that you'll be in touch within two weeks, even though the interviewee KNOWS it means she's not getting the gig (also, while we're at this, how about making it clear that the internship is focused on one specific topic, and not really the two listed, because the second one is clearly not really that important and no one likes looking like a fool in an interview by talking about how good they are at that unimportant side of it!), you should always actually follow up with the interviewee! Networking is super important, so who wants to be leaving people with a bad feeling towards a company? Even if they were horrible on the phone and definitely not a fit for the position. A generic email will do. Thank you. Sincerely, A Former Recruiter.

Annnyywhooo, back to why I have no idea what I have gotten myself into. So this other gig I applied for on a whim. Well, it's a pretty hip place and even though it was also part-time, and I'm really not sure how I feel about part-time right now, I decided to give it a whirl. Well, turns out this place is so hip and savvy and all, they do meet and greets prior to actual interviews. Which is actually pretty smart, given the type of job that it is. However, I am pathetic and the idea of having to meet and greet with strangers for an hour after a 10 hour work day sounds totally unappealing. Which probably isn't a good sign for my desire for the actual job, right? Again, what the heck am I doing here?

So I typed up an email that said thanks but no thanks, I have an obligation (and I do actually have to pick the bf up from the airport that evening, though it doesn't really conflict). And then I erased all of that email. Because you know what? What the crap! Why not? I mean, I really like the company itself, even if this job isn't the right one for me. And therefore a meet and greet is kind of perfect and less of a time-waster for everyone involved. Plus it's at a BAR! Why was I even against this at all!? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me!!? A BAR! Ugh. I need to shape up, and fast. This half-assed job hunting thing is kind of a Debbie. Wah wah wah.

Luckily, I snapped out of my lazy, want-to-go-home-and-watch-TV-every-night-immediately-after-work-while-probably-eating-pasta-with-butter-and-cheese-in-sweatpants attitude, and I'm going to go to the meet and greet. And I'm sure it'll be amusing if nothing else. And I know you all are probably pretty happy I changed my mind and decided to go. Because if nothing else, I've guaranteed myself one more post for the future! It's one day at a time here, kids.

In the meantime, I'm totally going home to put on my sweatpants and watch TV. And yes, I will be eating pasta tonight. But that's mainly because I'm (seriously) waiting til Friday to buy groceries. Aka, the day Trader Joe's opens within walking distance from my place. But until then, it's pasta, sandwiches, and the few pathetic oreos I have left (which will be eaten with peanut butter because I don't even have milk to dunk it in).

See why I need a purpose!!??

Oh yeah, I still have to tell you about that whole concept....