Hey there folks.
So, I have two jobs. Somehow, this just hit me yesterday. What the hell am I thinking?? I am the busiest person in the world already (which I like, but still), and here I go, taking on a whole new commitment when I don't really have the time to do it. For example, if this job would like me to do some work stuff on weekday evenings next month, which it would, it has to be after 7pm, which it is not. I mean, I have friends (and parents) who go to bed around 7pm!! And weekends? Not a single free weekend in the month of June.
So, this could be fun. Here's the thing though. I really want to make it work. I am so desperate to do something I love as a job, that I'm willing to take on a part time position while I already work a full time position. Oh, and I hope to be volunteering in the fall. At two different places. Seriously. Friends, if you want to see me at all, we're running out of time. Unless you feel like volunteering with me in the future (PAWS and the Center on Halsted are the goals, FYI).
Speaking of desperate for finding a job I love, it's really damn hard! I graduated college and moved to the big city with every intention of becoming an actress. I never thought I'd become a celebrity, or even get into film or movies. Honestly, I don't know what I thought I'd become. A famous Shakespearean actress? Is that even possible in this day and age (and as an American)?? Anyways, after a few years (and using the "I need to live here to be an actress and therefore you need to live here too" excuse to convince the bf to move to Chicago), I realized that's not for me. I love theatre too much to try and make a life out of it. Does that make sense? Well, if not, it does to me, so shut up.
So, my life purpose since I was 13, SHATTERED. Great. Now what?
Years of data entry and half-brainless work, that's what. And at 26, surrounded by 23-somethings who are working their first job out of college, I'm realizing that maybe it's time for something new. Hence the two job thing I have going on right now. And the future volunteering hopes.
Well, ok, one of those is because I probably want a puppy (meaning an older, housetrained, cool-with-a-busy-momma dog), and I refuse to do anything but adopt, and I refuse to adopt without putting in the time and effort to befriend the dog before I thrust it into my life.
But the other one is because I'm starting to think I want to work with LGBT youth/teens. My life's purpose, perhaps? I mean, those of you who know me, know how this actually makes a lot of sense in my life. So, if job number two doesn't work out for me, maybe I'll be a counselor someday and help LGBT kids know they're important, even if the world doesn't always make them feel that way. Though my big fear is that a counselor probably can't be crying all the time, and since I'm usually an emotional wreak, that really could be an issue. I cry at commercials, for God's sake!
So anyways, these are my thoughts about trying to find a purpose. I'm sure it'll change next week, as that's how it usually goes with me. And I'll probably decide I do want to be an actress now. Or I'll go back to thinking I should work in HR/Recruiting. Which will at least bring back some awesome and hilarious stories about interviews again! Or I'll become extremely fixated on finding a job just like the one I had in college. Or I'll get access to the internet back at work and get instantly lazy because I can visit Facebook and blogs and watch Netflix and HBO all day long, and that's fine with me.
Sometimes, I really wish I woke up one day early on and said "I'm going to be a doctor" or "I'm going to be a teacher" or "I'm going to be a mechanic" or "I'm going to be a firefighter." And that would be that.
But nooooo. I had to be the kid who liked reading books so much, and watching movies so much, that I decided life in a fantasy world was the best. And being an actress was a good try at achieving life in a fantasy world. And now a job where I watch Hulu while I work is the best alternative.
I blame Bravo's reality TV (which is STILL not easily accessible online!! Come on, Cohen! I'm a die-hard. You need to reward me for having loved you since back when you were the only gay-friendly channel on TV, filled with arts and theatre-y stuff, and provide me with my shows even though I can't afford to give you any money by getting cable!!).
It started with "The It Factor" (and yes, I did know who Jeremy Renner was before he really became famous). I saw that, and BAM! I envisioned my whole life... though apparently the fact that pretty much no one was successful by the end of that show didn't really click with me. Sidenote: Can someone get that show on DVD, stat!? And now you've got Bethany, who is brilliant and sarcastic and a multi-multi-millionaire because she cooked some food (remember when she used to do that?) and made a margarita mix. And Patti Stanger, who has made her life out of basically being Yente! And yes, I think we all remembered when I tried matchmaking. See how my life is influenced?? And now there's that crazy lispy Australian who is famous for teaching rich people how to have babies. And don't worry, I won't even mention any of the Real Housewives.
And you wonder why I can't find a purpose, when this is how I fill my time?
Speaking of which, this song is too good and too perfect to not be shared in it's entirety: Purpose - Avenue Q. Happy Tuesday!
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